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26 Openers You Can Use to Pick Up Women

Introduction

Canned material is great, but it needs STRUCTURE to be really effective. So what is the best structure? – the most efficient.

What i came to realize is that BT material (buying temp) and regular routines (examples include: bad ass kid, bear shit, “i need comfort and trust”, girl code, sexual predator) slowly DHV over time. One will not make that much of a difference (unless combined with a takeaway [a neg]), but many will add up to DHVing and creating an attraction (attract phase). It’s similar to what Mystery has said (something along the lines of how a comedian is perceived: ‘if a comedian tells one funny joke, people will think “that’s a funny joke”… but if he tells 5 funny jokes, people will think “that guy is funny”‘ – note, not word for word – credit Mystery). Also keep in mind that many girls only need a little value demonstration before they can assume attraction, while others need more.

So basically you have buying temp material, which is material that – well, disorients them. Buying Temperature = degree of disorientation. Some people don’t like ‘playing the buying temp game’, but BT has a lot of advantages and should be utilized _at times_. These times include anytime the girl needs to be disoriented: pulling away from a BF, venue changes, getting the girls to spike and cause SP, phone game while still in the attract phase (to keep her away from logically thinking about – “oh… it’s that club guy..”). In the meantime of having the BT up, you can display high value through other methods, or just run enough BT material to display high value.

My main purpose of BT at the early sarge is to keep her there. ie- if you keep her buying temp up, she’ll stay there with you. However, if her buying temp is up and it drops a certain amount of degrees/levels, she’ll leave (or start thinking about leaving). What i mean is this: if you are going loy-key or low BT and you’ve run some game, say her BT is a 4… if you let it drop off to a 1, she’ll start thinking about leaving; now if you are really pumping her BT, say her BT is an 8… if you let it drop off to a 4, she’ll start thinking about leaving. [btw, don’t forget that sexual state is also BT, she is disoriented and not thinking logically]

OK, so basically you want to keep her BT at either the same level, or a gradual increase. At the same time, you want to display higher value as fast as possible (after all, this is fast seduction). So you need to keep her BT up while DHVing (or vise versa, however you want to look at it) to make it the most efficient attract phase. So how do we structure this into the PU? Basically i’ve broken down attract phase routines into separate parts: BT material (includes openers), DHVs, Role-playing frames, negs, and One-liners.

BT material includes openers b/c openers do the same thing that BT material does. It’s something cool to talk about that engages her. BT material and Role-playing frames are separate b/c role-playing frames requires attraction (already higher value – not the same as attract phase completion: attract phase completion is when you are in the beginning of c&t… and just b/c you might look handsome does not make you start there – that’s the nice guy who starts at c&t (credit Mystery)). If you do not have attraction, role playing frames will not pump BT (disorientation), but BT material still can (mainly b/c without attraction, the girl will not go with the RP frame – she does not enter the frame). Role-playing frames are still very useful in pumping BT… they just need to be used later on – same as large amounts of kino. [btw, if you’re not good at kinoing and making it look like you are not trying to get them horny, then you better get good at it. Very KEY in my game]

DHVs means magic tricks (coin grab, coin exchange, wing wing wing) and IVDs. IVDs b/c you are displaying that you have value from your knowledge. When you use a DHV (magic trick or IVD), they will remember you at the end of the night b/c of it. [The funny thing about DHVs is that if you do a coin grab to another ASFer, although he consciously knows that it’s a DHV or whatever, he’ll still have a subcommunicated lower value after it’s done… like there’s no stopping it once it’s done – it’s all part of the dynamic (social dynamics).] I would give magic tricks about a 4 value and IVDs about a 2 value. ie – magic tricks DHV more than IVDs do. I’d also give a BT routine about a 1 value.

[Something that i’d suggest while doing magic tricks is to always either neg the target or AMOG the guy WHILE doing the magic trick. You have to see TD or some experienced guy do this. So you’re DHVing a lot over the guy. I’d really suggest this for BFs. –> Something that i discovered awhile back is that once you have DHVed _over_ a guy that she is romantically involved with (has a crush on or is her BF)… once HE realizes that you are cooler than he is, THE GIRL WANTS YOU AT THIS POINT. Like it’s human nature. Once the BF realizes that you are cooler than he is, assume the GF has automatic attraction to you.]

Negs lower their value. Negs include anything that will maker her feel self-conscious. If you fart in front of her and have a straight face on, she’ll be embarrassed that you did that without fearing that she’d think less of you. This negs her – she now realizes that YOU don’t care what she thinks about you. Negs bring people into YOUR reality. You can either use neg lines “that’s cute how your belly sticks out like that”, or you can use neg BL (body language) like back turns and loud burps. I’ve been sick for the last week, so i’ll just hock up a HUGE luug and spit it while my targets are trying to talk to me. This is a form of a neg.

One-liners include: transitions (How does everyone know each other?), c&f lines, smooth lines (We’re too similar.., We shouldn’t be doing this, It’s way too early in our relationship..), mini-cold reads, etc.

Also keep in mind that some routines have both DHV and BT qualities: by this i mean the trust test (IF you explain it too them and they learn how to do it), and Cs & Us (IF you use it as a mini-cold read beginning and then an IVD later on). This is why so many people like using IVDs as mini-cold reads… it’s getting a duel reaction. I highly endorse these and using this IVD/BT combo.

So now to structure the attract phase PU efficiently: Open, Neg and DHV while keeping her BT up (suggest intertwining DHVs and BTs), use one-liners where handy, use RP frames in place of BT material ONLY after higher value has been established, pump buying temperature high before moving to isolate or venue change.

Basically you want to DHV enough so that you become relevant to her (the DHVs will make her attracted to you much quicker than BT will alone… but you need BT material to keep her there – that’s why intertwining is suggested.

Also something random that i’ve been thinking of lately is that Kino actually QUALIFIES her more than pumps her BT. ie – if you use too much c&f or negs, their BT will decrease b/c they feel that you are overqualified. If you are in this position and you kino them, their BT will go back up, and they’ll stay in set (of course there are other ways to keep them in set). However, if you are a 1 in looks and you kino a girl (ie – if you are lower value and underqualified), her buying temp will go down b/c you are qualifying her even more. If kino made her buying temp go up (without qualifying), then ugly men could kino HBs all they wanted, LOL… something to think about :)

Without further ado…

 

1. MYSTERY GOT MARRIED OPENER

“Hey guys, do you think it’s okay for two people to get married TWO WEEKS after meeting each other? Check it out, I got a friend who met a girl, and after a week, she moved in with him. Then, after two weeks, they went to Vegas and got married. We’re all wierded out because we think our friend is moving too fast, but he’s never seemed happier. What do you think about that? Would you ever marry a guy two weeks after meeting him? How in love would you have to be with someone to do that?”

 

2. JAP OPENER (W/ NEG)

 

Tested a new JAP opener tonight. This one is great cause while it’s an opener it’s also a mild neg. It really gets down the bitch shield too. It only works on the most obviously jappy girls.

 

SB007: Hey girls…you might be able to help me with something.

HBJAP: What?

SB007: Well…I’m not from around here, and I heard this new term today…

maybe you know what it means

HBJAP: Ok, what is it?

SB007: JAP! What is a JAP? All I know is that it isn’t referring to Japanese people… so what the hell does it mean?

HBJAP: OMG, OMG, hahaha…

 

After this is said, they all look at each other and don’t know what the hell to say. They are at a loss for words, because… hey what are they supposed to say… “It’s me” hahah.

 

3. THE KHAKI OPENER

Similar in concept to the Dental Floss Opener of being a random silly question; day or night approaches. “Hey, guys, my friends and I were making fun of some frat boys, and got into an argument…is khaki a color or a fabric?” The correct answer is that khaki is a color, and most girls know this. You can go into, “See, I was thinking it was a color, but the thing is that you never see a khaki car or wallpaper color or anything like that!” and you’ve opened them.

 

Advantages: kind of funny, something you could conceivably actually be talking about, bulletproof convo starter. Disadvantages: Does nothing to convey value or attraction; you should have other routines ready to fire. This was invented by my superfly brother, who lurks here. The Jealous Girlfriend Opener Anyway, theJealous Girlfriend Opener works best in groups with more than one woman. Style: Hey guys, let me get your opinion on something. I’m trying to give my friend over there advice, but we’re just a bunch of guys and not qualified to comment on these matters. HBs: What?Style: Okay, see Wing over there. Well, he has been dating a girl for three months. And she just moved in with him. Now, this is a two part question. So, imagine you’ve been dating someone for three months. And he is still friends with his old girlfriend from college. How do you feel about that?HBs: blah blah blah are they just friends blah blah blahStyle: Yes, they’re JUST friends. There’s nothing else going on. They talk like once a week at most.HBs: I think it’s fine/I don’t think they should be talking/whateverStyle: Okay, now let’s say that he has a drawer in his apartment. And in that drawer he keeps all of his old photographs and letters. Now, some of those letters happen to be from ex’es and some of the photographs happen to be with ex’es.HBs: blah blah blah concerned comment blah blah questionStyle: It’s not like he ever looks at them. They are just there, like old souvenirs and memories of his past.HBs: I think it’s fine/I think he should put them away in a closet/He should destroy them/whateverStyle: Okay, the reason I’m asking is because WING‘s girlfriend says doesn’t want him to talk to his ex from college at all. She wants him to cut it off completely. And she wants him to destroy all of his old photos and letters from ex’es. She says it’s just holding onto the past, and he should let go of it now. Personally, I thought it was extreme and a bit insecure. But what do I know. I’m a guy. And, as we all know, guys think differently from girls… OR…

Hi I need your opinion on something. My friend has a GF and she gets very jealous at times. She doesnt let him out with us to clubs because she thinks me and my other friends have a bad influence on him. She thinks we are bad boys and wants my friend to stay home with her on the weekends! As much as my friend loves his GF, he misses hanging out with us! What do you think he should do? Break up with her, give into the pussy whipped kingdom or change her opinion on the whole issue?

 

4. Wheelchair Opener  

“HEY GUYS…I NEED A 10 SECOND FEMALE OPINION………. WOULD YOU DATE A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR…? If your set/target pauses, add “…even if was a really NICE wheelchair?”  “What if it was a really old wheel chair with a squeaky wheel?” “You know with bits falling off it. If it was rusty would it come between you both?” “What if the guy was suddenly cured by *Jesus*…would you lose interest?”  “If it was an electric wheel chair would you steal it while he slept……and take it for a joyride?” “Would you let him roll up and take you for a spin?” It would be so much fun….you could go on *a mini adventure…* [if you want to you can go into future projections….]  “What if he got worse and fell into LIFE SUPPORT…would you stay with him….even if it was a really *NICE* life support system..!” “—y’know state of the art…like it even had like…video games on it to keep your interest in case he slipped into a coma for ages?”  If she interrupts during sarge-  “(Cold read) You talk a lot! ‘Cos that would be really handy if he was on life support…you could tell him EVERYTHING and he’d never be able to reply! [Transition to another Opener] “Who lies more…guys or girls?”  “Okay….well would you date a BLIND guy…if he was really hot?” “If he had a guide dog would it piss you off….no way! You love dogs?!” “Wouldn’t it be bad if you introduced him to your folks and the dog shit on the carpet?” “If he went out the room would you move the furniture around to confuse him?” “You could tell him you had magic INVISIBILITY POWERS / You could tell him you had magic *NINJA POWERS*…and he’d believe you as he’d *never* see them!!”  “Okay well would you date a guy with WEBBED FEET?…if he was really hot?” “What if he could swim *really well*? Like he had fucking DUCK powers… “What if he was an Olympic swimming champion…… What if he went for gold….but got SILVER……would you stick with him!?” “What if he had…MONKEY powers?” “What if he had……..DINOSAUR powers–what dinosaur would you be?” And so on…  (Introduces Wingman)  “Would you date a super-fucking-hot GAY GUY….to make his boyfriend super-Jealous? [Offer arm out in club] “He’s just over there (use for social proof)!” “What if the guy was a movie star? And all the girls thought he was super hot!” “Guess what! I just found out TOM SELLECK is gay… y’know…MAGNUM P.I.!”  “What if he was a fucking model………[bring in your WING] “This guy is an ASS model…….!” “I’m a dildo model….!” [If the mood’s right]

“Seriously…this guy is a SUPERSTAR…!” [Launch into some funny field tested routine about the two of you]

 

5. Expensive Clothes Opener 

“hey guys, I need a female opinion.. we were just Saks today, and there were all these 600$ collared tee-shirts.. when chicks see guys wearing 6bill shirts like that, do they think its classy or try-hard?” (that’s the skeleton, obviously use your own speaking manneurisms)..

Then you can use what info and opinions they give you to bust on them, using all the usual stuff.

 

6. The Glasses or is x better than x Opener

Approach Girls26 – Glasses off (take glasses off)26 – Glasses on (put glasses on)26 – What do you guys think looks better?*HBs – (Responses: On!/Off!/What?/Laughing)26 – Glasses off (take off glasses)26 – Glasses on (put on glasses) (I did the sequence any where from 2 to 4 times)HB1 – I like them on!HB2 – I like them off! (If HBs disagree then they usually started laughing…I guess they think it’s funny that they have different opinions).26 – My friends tell me I look like Clark Kent when I have the glasses on! HBs – (Responses: Yeah you do! / No).26 – Why do you like it when my glasses are on/off?HB1 – (When likes glasses on) I think it makes you look sexy/it makes you look clever.

HB2 – (When likes glasses off) I think you look better with them off, but I like them on too!

 

7. THE DRUG DEALER OPENER

Used with a wing at night, with funny, just-got-done-laughing tonality. “Hey, I need your opinion on something…does my friend here look like a drug dealer?” (chicks usually either laugh or look quizzically) “Because we were outside and some dude came up to him and touched him on the shoulder like this… (cheap kino on girl) and asked, ‘Hey man, you got some E?’” Ideally you will use this with a wing who doesn’t look too straight-laced.

Advantages: funny, something that could conceivably happen, cheap kino. Disadvantages: Doesn’t convey much, so you need other routines locked and loaded.

 

8. THE GAY OPENER

I have field tested this massively (probably ~50 approaches) and it is my default opener. Preferably used with a wing and witha game-show host/party host attitude. “I need your honest opinion on something…do I look gay?” Some chicks will bust out laughing when you ask this. “…because something really funny just happened, this dude was hitting on me in another bar!” Better is to use this with a wing and change it to “Does MY FRIEND look gay” because it eliminates the self-conscious aspect. Theperson who was supposedly hit on must play it off as something totally funny and even flattering. Advantages: Gets sex talk going right there, conveys that someone else found you attractive, can bust on chicks for being fag hags, is something that could conceivably happen (it DID happen to me and I immediately invented this opener :), can describe how he hit on you and get

hand-on-shoulder kino on the chick. Disadvantages: Makes you appear self-conscious unless you use this on a wing. I should point out that I live in Austin, TX where there is a very large gay population, not sure how this affects the opener’s utility.

 

9. Song opener

Justin Timberlake song comes on at the club: Y: So do you like Justin Timberlake?HB:Yes!Y: Yeah he’s sexy ah? You know many girls have told me that I look like Justin Timberlake?HB:Yeah! Whatever!?! (giggling)Y: You know this is true… Probably explains why you find me so sexy. HB: (Giggles and lightly punchs my arm)

Y: That’s right. Just relax and enjoy the experience. It’s not every day you get to hang out with a guy who has the looks of a superstar.

 

10. Plant&Stare Opener

My favourite opener lately is to just walk up to girls and just stop. Like plant myself in front of them. I give them kind of a boyish playful smiling face like I’m about to do something cocky or maybe I thought of something funny I’m about to say, and they start giggling. (key is to stop abruptly, and make the fun face, so they giggle). Then I’ll either take a page from Juggler and reach out to shake hands with them (introduce myself to the HB8s and lower), and maybe do the spin move. Sometimes I’ll just sit there until they giggle and say “what?? whaaaat??? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat???” I’ll say “I can’t tell you, we haven’t known eachother long enough”.

You can do this to girls at tables, and then wait until they start asking you questions. Then say “I can only stay 30 seconds” and sit down. Then stay as long as you want. You can also just use this as a style to lead into any opener that you want. IOW, follow the plant&stare with a standard opener. Make it a playful one though.

 

11. Palm reading opener

For this opener you need to find your target sitting down. Me: Do you believe in palm reading? I read about it the other day, mind if I practice on you?HB: sure. (give you her hand)Me: I will need to senatise your hand first, it’s standard practice. (pour some water in the palm of her hand)HB: hmmm Me: (without drying her hand) ok I am going to start my reading. close your eyes so I don’t get distracted…. I see a SWIMMING POOL in your life, in fact it’s right at the centre of your hand NOW.HB: arghhhh, you are so bad, I almost got fooled.

Me: almost, you just did, but seriously now, wipe that water off your hand. I will read you a real one. (go straight to palm reading and your other routine)

 

12. THE ADOPTION OPENER

 It has been written here before that a good playful tactic is to tell chicks that you’re adopting them. When apart from wings in bars, I’ll stroll up to 2 or 3 sets near the front door to the bar (or outside of the bar) with “I want to leave but my friends are all hitting on girls in the back. You guys look like you’d make good adopted friends in the meantime” This makes it seem like you’re talking to them just because you’re bored and chatting them up is the best thing to do for some amusement – also note thewording, you’re differentiating yourself from your friends who are “hitting on girls”. This is good for a TD/Papa type of “stealth approach” in its indirectness. Also it sets up a possible “adopted bratty little sister” ballbusting frame. Note that when referring to your friends who are “hitting on girls”, you need to have correct tonality or else this comes off as being very beta. Say it as if to convey “Yeah, those boys, there they go again…” Advantages: Cute and playful, generally does not get negative reactions.

Disadvantages: Makes you seem like you’re not the leader of your group offriends unless you can pull off the tonality right.

 

13. The “familiar” approach I

This has worked MANY times for me with good success, Ive come to like it so MUCH that I use it as my primary opener while Im out during the day.  After you spot the stationary target engage in EC. Look at her, make HER look at you too. Dont smile, just look 3 or 4 times at her and make SURE she saw you looking at her (read EC rules on how to go about it). Once you have done this, have a slightly puzzled expression on your face turn to your target and open her with along the lines of: Sirducer: Hey are you from (name of the school/university/work which YOU are familiar with or GO to yourself).Target: No… (offcourse shell say no, your just playing with her, if she is friendly and talkative then she will tell you where she is from instead)Sirducer: Ah I see. I thought you looked familiar, (now switch the frame into the FRIENDLY, NON threatening discussion) What do you do with yourself/What course/What line of work?… Listen to the target speak and watch her body language, listen to her voice tone, see if she SMILES, if she smiles it means that your a welcome intrusion. Drop the work/uni/school talk within a 2-3 minutes or so. Start EVing, tell her something cute about you. Tell her something FUNNY, tell her how you were just in the city and how this maniqeen (sp?) fell on top of you and how the security guard thought you were a freak and then laughed! Make her feel that your a warm and a funny guy. Note that a typical sarge should NOT go more than 10-15 mins, especially if you just want her # and no f-closes. While she is still laughing and feeling all warm with you from your funny and engaging conversation, tell her that you must be off BUT suggest a get together and ask her HOW can you get in touch with her. Sirducer: Blah blah *laughs* Target: *laughs* Sirducer: Hey I must be off now, we should get together sometime, how can I get in touch with you?Target: Do you have a mobile? OR Mobile?  Take out your slick mobile phone and hand it to her. She will store her #, this is a great way to # close HBs because if you didnt get her name or if she told you her name 5 mins ago and you forgot (I sometimes dont even listen to their name) this way you are sure to get her name 100% right. After you got her phone (she might also ask for your #, dont be an ass and give it to her too) its good to end with light kino.  Sirducer: *extends his hand* Nice to meet you *smiles*Target: *shakes hands* Nice to meet you too! *smiles*Sirducer: Ill give you a call some time. Ive closed many girls with this and use it as my primary opener for streets/bus, train and tram stops/shops/malls.

It works best on standing targets.

 

14. The “familiar” approach II

Heh, that looks a lot like what I always do. I walk up to a girl and ask say “Hey, you’re from Catalunya!” and she replies

“No, i’m from here”, “huh, that’s weird, you look like someone i met” Then chit chat or whatever, but whenever you introduce her to someone you know, or refer to her… “Hey, this is my catalunyan friend!” they always laugh. So it’s a step to opening legs. :)

 

15. The active disinterest opener

Approach girl, or group of girls and ask them for opinion : “girls, I need one quick female advice… see this HOT chick down there(point some set/chick)…she is really HOT, and I would like to approach her, gimme some advice…(like, what opener should I use) Don’t use it on 7’s & 8’s…this will destroy them! This is a great opener I use all time, cause it has LOT of things integrated!! 90% of time they will give you some stupid advice like ‘buy her a drink’ / ‘ tell her she is beautiful..blahblah.. So use this to tease her….. “hahaa…beautiful… hahaa… tell me, if I approached you with this beautiful line, would this work on you? after this its easy to continue conversation, with stuff like palmreading…or just start any other cool routine/story again, this shit is

designed for models, manekens…and other 10’s I am sarging here….be carefull with using this on 7&8’s!

 

16. New Active Disinterest Opener

ijjjji: (grab unsuspecting SHB by the arm and point at a random dude) “OMG, that guy is PERFECT for you – let me introduce you!!” (start moving towards the guy)

SHB: What?! No.. NONONO.. haha.. Help!

ijjjji: (to guy) This girl is so shy, but she really wanted to meet you!

SHB: (Giggeling hysterically) Nonono… its not true!(Fleeing)

ijjjji: Awww come on.. don’t be shy..out on such a perfect future.”

 

17. Grab Ass

PUA:Did you just grab my ass?

HB: Noooooo…[smiling/laughing]

PUA: It’s ok, i wasn’t gonna shout at you, I was just gonna show you how to grab men’s ass properly next time, because your technique this time was appalling !!

HB:ok….[giggling…etc]

PUA:”Well, First, get as close as possible to your target, then get your grabbing-hand into position, the lower the better, with the palm of your hand facing up, carefully reach out for his mid-buttock…. [take her hand to demonstrate]… make sure you don’t just grab and hold his butt like a chunk of meat!… the sequence is..grab,squeeze and release!! This is very important. provided you get away with it the first attempt, you may indulge yourself again!”

HB:[laughing]

 

18. Cheating Boyfriend Opener

Sirducer: Hi guys I need a female opinion, would you break up with your BF if he cheated on you?

HB: Yes or no or whatever…(they give out different answers and if I see that they are actually thinking about it and give me good advice then I agree with them and tell them they rock)

If they just say yes or no without any back up then I ask them to elaborate on their theory.

When they ask you “Why? Have you cheated on your GF?” You just tell them: “You see, a very good friend of mine has a GF and he assumed that she cheated on him so he went out and did the dirty deed on her!” “They have been together for over a year and Im really close to both of them” Transition onto another topic after they give out their opinion.

 

19. Seattle GF Opener 

“Hey guys, I need an opinion. My friend met this girl in Seattle, and they really hit it off. They wound up hooking up on the first night, and he even hung out with her in L.A. over the next week. So he’s up visiting her in Seattle last week, and they’re out on a walk. He takes a few pictures of them together. Like really cute ones with them together. Some of them they’re just hanging out, and a few of them they’re like kissing or whatever while they’re out walking. Anyway, the next morning he wakes up, and checks his camera. He looks at the pictures, and he sees that she’s woken up before him and gone into it and deleted the pictures where they’re kissing, and left the ones where they’re just hanging out. He goes to her and says ‘Are you psycho? Why are you going into my camera?’ She says its because she thought she looked bad in the pictures, and didn’t want him to have them. But he can’t figure out if she’s psycho or if its legit that for girls they just hate having pictures out there where she doesn’t look good. He just really liked them because he likes her and doesn’t judge the pics like that.”

The girls will either say:

“It’s totally natural. I hate it when pictures make me look bad, especially with a digital camera where you can just delete them and take more.” (They also sometimes say “But he’s only known her a few months. I wouldn’t do that on a guy I just met.”)

  • or-

20. “She has a boyfriend!”

Your immediate reply would be “He doesn’t care about that. He’s busy. He just doesn’t want her deleting his pics! :)”

 

21. Albino Gary Coleman”

“Hey, we need to get a woman’s opinion on something. We’re meeting a friend here, and he just broke up with his girlfriend. We’re supposed to give him some advice on meeting women. So what do you think that women look for in guys at a bar?” After they answer, we say, “Okay, there’s just one thing you should know. He’s 5’1” and…did you ever watch Different Strokes? Do you remember Gary Coleman? Well, he’s like a white albino Gary Coleman.” Then, when they start to laugh, we neg them for being so shallow. From here, we elicit a “value hierarchy,” and ask what qualities he would have to have for them to go out with them. Example: she says “funny,” we say, “well, what if he has no sense of humor?” Then she gives us her next highest criteria. So, in general, after you say, “So, he’s a white albino 5’1” Gary Coleman who’s not funny, rich, or really intelligent.” And as she laughs, you tease with, “Well, you know, you’re not really his type anyway. Sorry.”

 

22. Rikki Lake Opener

This one is used to wing your buddy, especially if he’s in a two-set and the obstacle needs to be kept occupied. “Hey, my friend here just got invited to be on the Ricki Lake show. But the theme of the show is Secret Admirers. They told him he’s got an admirer, but he won’t find out who until he’s live on the set. So maybe it’ll be someone cute, but maybe not; it might even be a guy. What would you do if you were him?”

 

23. Two Girls Fighting Opener

“Omigod, did you see those two girls fighting outside? They were totally going at it; one was pulling the others’ hair, and
the other one drew blood with her nails. And they seemed to be fighting over this short guy; he was standing near them just laaaughing!”

 

 

24. Two Girls Fighting Opener – Alternate Version

ME: “Have you guys seen those girl fighting outside?. LOL!” (credit TD).

We had a funny interaction and i made sure the chicks were listening the convo.
Then one of the guys said:
GUY: “Sure they were fighting for a man!”.
ME: “Yeap, that’s why i’m hiding here!!!”.

 

25. GAY SHIRT OPENER

 

Dave: hey, do you think you my friend’s shirt makes him look gay?

HBSilverman: No, I think he looks good.

Srini(to dave): You see, gay guys are stylish/

HBSilverman: are you gay?

Srini: Do you think I’m gay?

HBSilverman: No.

Srini: You get points, now we might be able to hang out, but only if

you’re not creepy(or something of the sort). So, what is about gay

men that women find so attractive?

 

 

 

26. GAY PENGUIN

‘Hey if you think that its hard for humans to be gay, I saw this program on Discovery where they showed a penguin tribe.

They were all nice to eachother but were disclosing this one penguin all the time.

It was because of the penguin being gay.

Now this poor penguin got horny one day and tried to find another gay penguin. They dont have gay meeting points or bars so his only chance was to randomly hit on other male penguins and see if one of them will appreciate his horniness. apparently he wasnt successful and the word went around. And it went downway for him even more afterwards..’

Here I stop the routine while the girls are laughing and curious to what happened to him next.

I still dont tell and they mostly really get kinda aggressive and start touching me.

After a bit more teasing that they couldnt handle the rest of it and get all emotional, I go on.

Eventually all penguins started to avoid him and the female mom penguins forbid the baby penguins to play around him. The other few gay and bisexual penguins cant stand up for him b/c they fear that the same might happen to them. And most of the other gay penguins already have female mates and kids and all. [To end it with a happy ending to make the girls feel good I add to the end;]

So discovery channel and the gay rights institution in germany couldnt handle to see the situation.

They set up a project where they pick all the gay animals and put them together in a big gay zoo.

You know like Mykonos in greece where all the gay men get together.

So they showed the gay penguin there and he was very happy. Now the gay institution went to court so they can also adopt little babies. So you think they can pull that off?

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