How to Create Connection With Women:
Becoming Socially Magnetic
In order for you to become socially magnetic, you must develop your ability to authentically connect with people on a deep and profound level. Today I’m going to discuss 6 vital aspects that will take you from disconnected to plugged in, switched on, and fully connected. The first aspect of this you need to master is being able to hold space with another person.
By creating a comfortable environment you enable the other person to open up to you. This will allow you to share emotional energy.
- Be comfortable and trusting with yourself to help the other person feel comfortable and trusting with you
- Take responsibility for both yours and the other person’s enjoyment of the conversation, allowing the other person to relax, let their guard down and open up
- Remaining unattached to the end result of the conversation enables you to flow and be present, allowing you to be in control.
This is where you foster your relationship with yourself. If you are comfortable with your own silence, others will feel they can be silent and comfortable with you too.
- After you ask a question, hold your silence until you receive an answer (its OK to smile!)
- Pause before you speak, giving you time to really think about your answer
- If you are making “Umm” and “Err” noises, your internal rhythm is going too fast, so slow down a bit
- Talking too quickly causes people to lose attention
- Remember, silences are not to be intimidating, but relaxed andpeaceful.
Questions and Listening
The key here is not to become an interviewer. This would put responsibility for the conversation, and the subsequent pressure, on the other person.
- Avoid questions that could be answered with “yes” and “no”
- Justify your questions by using phrases such as, “the reason i askis because…”
- Give authentic justifications, which can be something as simple asyou just being curious to know more
- Be quiet while the other person responds
- Be careful not to nod repetitively or say, “aha, OK, aha, OK”, all ofwhich indicate are not paying attention
- Tricks include repeating back what the person has just said andsummarising their statement
- Expanding on what someone has just said will likely lead to them respond further, and then a genuine conversation of sharing ideas will ensue
What People Want: Happiness, Freedom and Peace
People come from different backgrounds and have different surface level goals, but everyone generally shares these three deeper life goals.
- Only try to find out how someone tries to attain these goals when you are further into the conversation and you both feel comfortable with each other, never at the start of the conversation
- Remember the 5 W’s and the 1 H: What, When, Where, Why, Who and How
- The 5 W’s and 1 H lead to deeper answers, for example, “ What is your life philosophy?”, “ When is the last time you really had fun?” and “ How would you spend a million dollars?”
- When the answer you receive is laced with emotion, you have asked a good question
- Challenge them and ask why that is their answer
- If a person’s face is lighting up then they are now in touch withtheir inner happiness, freedom and peace;; you have successfullyillicited emotion
- Questions that touch on negative emotions – “ what are you afraid of?” – are useful because sharing a broad spectrum of emotions creates a deeper connection, but use sparingly and only once you have gotten to know them
The Dance of Conversation
This is the backwards and forwards flow of the conversation. Consider what is being said in the conversation at any given moment, these are the subjects you will work with. Yes and – yes to whatever they are saying and you are going to build on it.
- These subjects are “conversational offers”, offers from each person to keep the conversation going
- You must seize upon these. Do not ignore them and ask further questions, which shows you are not listening
- Asking a question about the offer is not expanding on that offer
- “Yes, and” is the spirit you want to employ., where you are agreeing to the conversational offer and building on it. In the below example, bacon is the conversation offer. Person two gives a “yes”response to this offer, following up with an “and” to build on it:
Person one: “I love bacon”
Person two: “I love bacon too, it’s the tastiest meat of all time!”
Most people use “Yes, but”. In this example, person two stops the conversational flow by blocking the conversational offer rather than embracing it:Person one: “I love bacon”
Person two: “Yeah, bacon’s nice, but I prefer eggs”
Rarely, you may encounter “No, but”, whereby a person can kill the vibe by talking about something completely different and being ignorant to the offer:
Person one: “I love bacon”
Person two: “Indiana Jones is on television right now, I’m going to watch it”
In the following posts, I’ll dig more into mastering your mindset and building long-term relationships. For now, go out and practice the art of connecting with women in a genuine and interested way. You’ll be surprised how much of the world opens up to you when employ the art of connection.