How to Overcome Low Confidence

Before we continue our journey to change, it is always good to know what you really are deep inside. By understanding your true personality, will you then be able to get to the root of the problems and find remedies to hasten the speed of your confidence building.


Assessing Your Current Level of Confidence 

Other than considering the abovementioned factors possessed by a confident person, there are several ways you can go about learning about yourself.

When faced with an issue, do you:

  • Feel calm and ready to take on the situation?
  • Feel able to deal with it with drive and determination?
  • Have a positive mindset?
  • Accept change and criticism?
  • Have motivation to work and a zest for learning?

These are general experiences felt by people when put in an unfamiliar situation. If your answer is a big YES! to all, then you are already what people would consider a confident person. Influence those around you to help make them think and act more confidently, as this would help you and your peers to develop a more confident and trusting personality and relationship. If your answer is No, take note of what and why your answer is so. Identify these areas and work out ways to improve them. From there, you can gauge your level of confidence and recognize areas that need change.

Alternatively, try out the worksheet attached that provides a general guide to assessing your level of confidence. Put a tick in the boxes you feel best describes you and remember to be honest!

The worksheet gives you a gauge of what your current level of confidence is. By being able to identify your strengths and weaknesses, you should then think of why they are so and how you can improve on them. The following chapters will discuss ways that will help you boost your confidence.


Identifying the Factors that Contribute to the Current Level of Confidence 

You have to be honest with yourself if you are serious about increasing your level of confidence. Simple acts of taking a piece of paper and noting down factors that are related to you will help in giving you a clear picture of what you are and why you behave this way. List down factors that affect the way you behave, or a set of strengths and weaknesses to enhance the way you understand yourself.

A simple exercise is demonstrated in the worksheet attached that can help you find out your strengths and weaknesses.

To better understand yourself, you should consider the environment around you. Do not try to find fault with others, as it does not help in the understanding about yourself. Holding others responsible for an event limits the way you view things and optimistic people around would not like to be part of your life. Successful people look past this and think of ways they can improve on a situation instead.

Consider your closest relations- Your family. They play a vital role in determining who you are and help to shape your character. Are they your pillar of strength you turn to when you need them? Your family should provide you with the support you need and they affect how much you value yourself. Criticisms and encouragement given by them have large effects on how one judges himself. Were they over critical of you or did they not display any signs of affection at all? All these contribute to the way one views himself and how he wants others to see him. Were they said when Father was having a bad day at work? Did Mother really mean it when she said that? Question yourself to see if all things said and experienced were fair before concluding your self-worth. From here, you can gradually draw reasons why this has affected your level of confidence.

Your friends and colleagues also greatly influence your level of self esteem. Approval from them indicates that they hold you in regard and ascertains that what you are doing is good. Through feedback and other personal experiences, you will be able to recognize reasons that lead up to the  way you judge yourself. The best way to making change is being aware of what you need to change.

There can be many reasons why these factors contribute to your current level of confidence. List them down so that you will be able to track why and how they can be managed. Understanding them would better allow you to tackle and resolve issues related. You need to take the correct approach suitable for yourself so that you can go on to increase your self esteem and be more assertive of yourself.


Managing Change 

Now that you have established reasons behind your current level of confidence, you should come up with ways to manage them. Be clear of your strengths and weaknesses and keep them updated.

It is good to be honest and share your thoughts and expectations with others around you. Gather advice and solutions from people regarding issues that you found you have, and see if they can help you especially if they are part of it. Advice and feedback from others play an integral part of your confidence building process. Ask yourself and others what you are good at and what you should do more or less of etc. It allows you to discover qualities about yourself you never knew existed and may even encourage you to take a particular approach to getting what you want.

Having understood yourself better allows you to narrow down key areas that you need to change. Also, looking forward to what you want to achieve at the end helps you to plan your journey there effectively.

Confidence involves knowing what you want and being sure that you can get there. Visualize the end the end result so that you know what contributes to that end is. Are you satisfied with it? What has helped you achieve that? Uncovering these details assist you on your way there, enabling you to be more certain about how you can achieve that result. Now, all you need is to prepare to take that big step and work towards your goal.

So you understand yourself better now. It is time to figure out how you can overcome your fears or improve on your weaknesses. By doing so, you will feel more assured of your abilities and be motivated to work towards changes that are for the better.


Factors Leading to Low Self-Confidence 

There are many reasons that contribute to a low level of self-esteem and outlook on life, and some are discussed below:

Societal factors such as pressure to look good can be one of the reasons for having little confidence in a person. A person’s appearance affects how one feels about himself and he has to be able to manage that effectively. News and media constantly flood people’s minds about looking and maintaining a good image, and has the glamour to go along with it. People have become increasingly aware of ways to look good, and are influenced by what they see around them. Such pressure gives those that feel that they are not as good as models or celebrities a sense of inferiority. It is important to understand that one cannot be too superficial. Do not mull over your figure or the way you look, but work on them by getting good exercise and a healthy diet instead. You are in control of yourself. As you put in effort or seek help to achieve a desired look, you will gradually be able to develop a greater sense of satisfaction and respect for yourself.

Another reason why one has a low level of confidence could be due to him having emotional problems. For instance, relationship problems with family and friends can cause him to have a particular outlook on life. Going through childhood without a parent may cause the person to live life with a sense of emptiness and inner vacuum. He may try to replace that with another figure he wished he had, who may not end up being that ideal after all. Thus, it affects how he works and leads his life. He may not feel that wanted or rely on an unreliable source to judge him, causing him to develop a low sense of self worth. This may wind up being part of a vicious cycle, for example: Having emotional problems may lead to a person eating or drinking away his sorrows, causing them to put on weight or look more haggard. Then, this adds on to the list of problems leading to a person’s low self confidence as he does not look good.

Past and present experiences also shape the way one judges himself. Having been hurt or fearing something to happen again affects how one sees others and himself. It may cause the person to question himself about everything related and undermine his own level of self-confidence. In other words, he is his own inner demon. As discussed previously, having an inner sense of self worth is essential, and one cannot let what they have been through lower the way he holds himself in regard.

An emotional related issue could also be the person’s natural personality. The term “people pleaser” is commonly used to describe a person who is inclined to giving in to people, making them happy, and fulfilling their needs. In other words, making them feel pleased. They put others before them and feel bad to say “No”, as they want to be liked or are afraid of what people might think otherwise. As such, they try to balance everything and everyone else’s needs, and are disheartened when they are not able to get their desired results, whether or not they are realistic. This puts increased pressure on the person, causing him to not feel satisfied and happy with himself. It is obvious that this would then greatly affect the person’s view of how he is worth.

There may also be work related issues that affect a person’s outlook on life. They range from bosses giving work pressure to an individual, to low sales figures that de-motivate a person, and even to competition from peers that makes the person uncertain about his own abilities. The individual then questions himself and worries about not being as good as others.

All of the reasons mentioned above are interlinked in many cases. One reason may be the cause of another to develop, or may simply magnify the seriousness of a case. This list of factors however is not exhaustive, so you need to know and identify what is relevant to you and how it affects your level of confidence.


Overcoming the Demon Inside Of You 

Low COnfidence

Besides feeling a sense of insecurity and uncertainty, low self esteem is often associated with emotions like anger (being unable to achieve something you want badly), denial (refusal to believe that it is impossible  or that things did not turn out the way you wished it did), guilt (disappointment in failing to achieve something for someone) or sadness.

Such feelings are common and you must be willing to allow that to happen before progress can take place. As we all know, life has its ups and downs. But the trick to enjoying and finding happiness in life is being able to overlook them and progress from there. Having a positive mindset enables you to take things lightly, accept changes and develop a strong sense of confidence in yourself.

Before embarking on the next chapter to build up your confidence, work towards overcoming the obstacles in front of you first. Some common problems that need to be tackled are:

  • Constantly finding excuses and someone to blame when something does not turn out right.
  • Relationships with family negatively affects the way one judges himself.
  • Strained relations with others and refusal to improve them
  • Past experiences that remind the individual that he is of a particular nature.
  • Avoid finding excuses and reasons for your disappointment or failure.

Shift  away from that mindset and do everything you can to create a positive change. Focus instead on what you want to happen and how it is possible to achieve that. Adopting a proactive approach rather than a reactive one would be more effective as you would not be caught in a situation unguarded. Being aware of yourself and the circumstances, and being able to adapt easily to changes are necessary traits that make up a confident individual.

Also, the role you have in your family determines who you are. Whatever criticisms given by your loved ones when you were young could have scarred you deeply. You must be aware that what said at age 12 might not still apply to you years later. You could have outgrown or learnt from that mistake, as you have been taught to be more aware of it at the start. Therefore, avoid bringing that inner voice inside of you into your later years. Do not let those thoughts haunt you and affect the way you judge yourself. Let those inner voices go and accept that you have changed over the years. If you remain unsure about that, talk to your family now, your friends and colleagues to seek their opinion on them. It is important that you do not allow past experiences affect the way you see yourself or the relationship you have with your family.

If you are experiencing a strained relationship or hope to improve one with your friends or colleagues, you can try to work it out by organizing your thoughts and listing out your current situation and comparing it to the end results you hope to have. Describe your thoughts and feelings towards that person, and fully understand the circumstances that have led you to think this way. Then, think of what type of relationship you wish to have had this strain not existed. Identify the ways and sacrifices that both sides would have to make to develop an amicable relationship. Envisage this new situation and the feelings you would want to experience. Now, commit to improving this relationship. Constantly push yourself and encourage the other party to do the same as you believe that it will help the both of you. Small moves like these influences the way you feel about yourself and others. They give you more faith and trust and make you more satisfied with life.

Allow past experiences to make you tougher and more resilient for other obstacles ahead. They may actually help to provide you with the strength needed to advance forward, as you have already gone through the same experience before. As such, embrace these experiences fully, be it good or bad. List them out and come up with ways you can apply them in the future.

You can come up with a list that looks similar to the one attached in the workbook. It enables you to see things with a positive view, as you work your way out to turn bad experiences into good ones for the future, and good experiences into something you can model after next time.

The above mentioned are some techniques you can use to help control the demon inside that prevents you from being that confident person. Use the approach that is most relevant and suitable for you and find other ways that will help you develop a greater sense of confidence. By clearing that stumbling block out of your way, you will then be ready to build up your confidence now!

What is Confidence?  The 6 Qualities of a Confident Man

Welcome on board to this confidence-building journey! Like many others who are reading this right now, you are here to gain insight into the world of confidence building, and to understand what it is all about and how it can be achieved immediately.

There are many instances in our lives where we feel awkward in situations, or completely unable to deliver a performance worthy of praise. Most of us attribute this to the natural reactions humans have of being nervous in unfamiliar situations, being shy or refusing to be receptive to change. As such, it is crucial that we identify these issues, correct them, and make them work to our advantage instead. This is where the element of confidence surfaces. Confidence is key to the way we behave and affects our life in more ways than we realize.


Definition of Confidence 

It is hard to find a phrase that aptly qualifies as definition to the word “Confidence”, as each individual perceives and values it differently. However, this book works with a general simplified meaning. Here, “Confidence” refers to “being self-assured and certain, believing in others as well as having faith in one’s own capabilities”.

In other words, the focus here is developing a character trait that makes you more assertive of your abilities, allowing you to do more than you previously could. Being able to take appropriate actions on things you cannot manage enables you to overcome past difficulties and lets you feel good about yourself. This, coupled with an outward appearance of confidence and poise would be ideal to living a fulfilling life, because not only would you have peace of mind about yourself and your own abilities, but you will exude this aura of confidence to the people around you and make them want to be around you.

There is a fine line between being confident and overly confident. Being overly confident involves being too presumptuous of certain things or qualities. It may entail demonstrating a specific ability to do something, when in fact the person hasn’t the ability to accomplish such feats. As such, there is a negative association to such qualities, and most people do not like to be involved with such people. So when deciding how you want to go about boosting your confidence, make sure you take things one step at a time, and not over do anything that may offend any one. Identify areas that you need to work on and strategize ways you intend to go about achieving those goals.

Confidence CharacteristicsConfidence diagram


Qualities Possessed by a Confident Individual 

What then makes a confident individual? Generally, most people feel that being confident involves both the appearance of being assertive and firm, as well as the inner feeling of believing in the actions taken or to be taken by that individual. As such, these qualities should be looked out for when one wishes to identify a role model, for instance, to act as a guide and reference to help along in the confidence building process.

There are many qualities that can be associated with a confident individual. They will be elaborated in the following few paragraphs:

    1. Possess a good level of self-worth
    2. Being self-assured of one’s own ability to perform
    3. Trust and faith in oneself and others
    4. Ready to accept and initiate changes
    5. Having clear goals and an optimistic mind set
    6. Being self-aware and motivated to work


1. Possess a good level of self-worth 

One of the key characteristics of being confident is possessing a good level of self-worth. Self worth refers to how one regards himself, and the beliefs and emotions experienced that reflect how one feels about himself on the inside. It is important that we rate ourselves highly on the inside, as it affects how happy we are with ourselves and the way we lead our lives. The way we judge ourselves influences our relationship with others, the choices we make and our outlook on life. This determines our sense of fulfillment and the level of happiness achieved in life.

The fundamental concept revolves around believing in yourself, that you are good enough for what it takes. Do not think that you will not be able to achieve your goals based on past failures, or criticism given by someone before. Look forward and see how someone as competent and able as you can make change and advance in the task. The increased respect you have for yourself marks the beginning of change that you want to see materialize and succeed.

It is essential that we have a good level of self-worth on the inside, as it affects the way we see ourselves and lead our lives. If we rate ourselves poorly on the inside, we then end up relying on external factors to make up for the low ratings given. For instance, many determine success based on the 5Cs: Car, Cash, Credit Card, Condominium and Country Club Membership. This however, may not always be the case for all individuals. Not everyone will be as lucky and successful to get what they dream of. As a result, the external factors that should be giving them the increased level of self worth may not materialize. This thus leads to an overall low inner and external level of self worth, which in turn results in the individual losing confidence in life and everything else. It is therefore evident that we cannot always rely on external factors to determine who we are. We must start by believing in ourselves from the inside, before we turn outside for additional support.

After realizing the importance of giving yourself a high rating and level of self-worth, you will then be able to use this foundation to build your level of self-worth. Remember, you are good enough and worthy of respect!


2. Being self-assured of one’s own ability to perform 

Each individual has his or her own strengths and weaknesses. It is crucial that we identify what they are, so that we know what we can do to profit from them and what we should avoid.

Certainly, we should use our strengths to our advantage, by working and excelling in them. For example, if a person is able to recognize that he is good at writing, he should search for writing related jobs as compared to communications related work, over which may offer him a higher pay. This is because it is a field that he can excel and progress further in the long run. Although the salary offered maybe somewhat higher, but getting a job which provides more satisfaction and happiness is what is necessary to building confidence. Doing well in a job and rising through the ranks provides positive affirmation of an individual’s ability. This would allow the individual to be more self-assured of his own ability and have faith in himself, gradually increasing the level of confidence within him as he holds himself in higher regard.

In certain cases, it is possible to turn weaknesses into strengths. As American Poet and Essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “Our strength grows out of our weaknesses”. By being able to identify weaknesses, an individual can then plan how he can turn those weaknesses into something useful instead. By knowing how not to commit those errors and how they can be overcome, one can then turn his weakness into strengths.

You should know what your abilities are and how they can be used to your advantage. Use your abilities well as they will help in giving you assurance and affirmation in what you do when you succeed. This in turn  gives you a sense of satisfaction and happiness that contributes to giving yourself more respect. As such, being self-assured of one’s ability to perform contributes positively to developing his confidence level.


3. Trust and faith in oneself and others 

Like that in marriage, having trust and faith is cornerstone to the relationship between yourself and others. A confident individual knows who and when he should trust himself and others. Through the means of communication and being aware of issues around, he will ensure that what he knows is right and can be relied upon. Then, he works in an assertive way, displaying an air of confidence and delivering optimal results.

You can have faith in yourself and others by being aware of your expectations and knowledge of what people can deliver. Do not set unrealistic expectations and lose faith as people and yourself fail to achieve them. Identify your real needs and establish a trusting relationship between those you are working with, while acknowledging that competent individuals can only achieve this much. This is vital to the development of your confidence in them and things related. Through communication and physical familiarity, you will eventually be able to become a certain and confident individual as trust and faith are established.


4. Ready to accept and initiate changes 

A confident individual is ever ready to accept and initiate changes. The world is ever changing and all of us have been nurtured to accept it in big and small ways. Most people like the sense of familiarity and cringe when something new is thrown to them. Yet, it is of utmost importance that the fear of change must be eradicated completely for confidence to set in.

Focus on believing that some changes can be good and are necessary for the advancement of certain events. The terms “adopt” and “adapt” describe what confident individuals can do to make the best out of situations they are in. By being flexible and open to change, you will not be faced with surprises and be thrown off guard when things do not go your way. In other words, this prevents you from losing confidence in things when they do not turn out right. Readily accept changes and be as cautious as you should be, as it aids in the development of a confident individual, when things gradually go your way

After being able to accept changes, it would be good to initiate some if they help to achieve your goals quickly. Situations may arise that call for changes to be made, and, alternations to the usual plans may in fact cause the goals to be reached faster. You must therefore be strategically on the outlook to see when would be a good time to make changes. Thus, a confident person believes in accepting and achieving challenging

goals and changes.


5. Having clear goals and an optimistic mind set 

Being focused on what he wants and how he intends to achieve his goals is part of being confident. Nonetheless, a confident person must also know how to stay positive.

It is important that you know what you want, how you intend to get it, and when you can achieve it. You need to set clear directions for yourself and people around you, prioritize and ensure that they are realistic. This way, you will always be certain of what steps to take when you are lost or need a reference.


6. Being self-aware and motivated to work 

Nonetheless, it is important that you are fully aware and conscious of your surroundings. Communicate and research to find out more ways you can profit from the circumstances if possible.

Keep in mind that being confident involves motivating yourself. Enjoy what you do and always look on the bright side of things when they do not go your way. Take pleasure in stretching yourself and encourage others to do beyond what they are expected as well. Having drive and determination contributes to the development of a confident person, and this fervent energy will similarly influence those around you.

The characteristics discussed above are some traits that one would find in a confident individual. There are many ways that you can go about achieving them: by understanding your character traits and adopting mindsets that allow you to make changes and be confident. More methods are further discussed in the later chapters.

Watch this video, which nicely summarises all the lesson on confidence above. Pay careful attention to what characteristics he mentions.


Honest Review of Relationship Rewind

For a while now people have been asking me to give my take on the Relationship Rewind program by Ryan Rivers. I thought about writing this review for a while, but I never really got around to it. One of my commitments was to post more regularly on the site, and so for the past 2 weeks I’ve delved back into Relationship Rewind, dissecting each part and assessing which parts helped me, and which parts sent me far astray. What I hope to do, through recounting my journey in getting my ex back, is to help you understand if this program is for you because let me just say this now, Relationship Rewind isn’t for everyone. Its not a magic pill, it doesn’t apply for every break-up, every situation, every person and every dynamic. I say this with some sense of reserve, but I even feel that for certain people and certain situations, Relationship Rewind might even serve to push your ex further away instead of getting her back BUT – and this is a very big but – if you are in one of the 9 break up situations that Relationship Rewind was designed for, and you absolutely know that getting your ex back will make you both happier, then this is by far the most advanced program ever designed for turning the clock back on your ex’s feelings and getting your relationship back.


This review is going to be slightly unconventional in its structure and different from reviews I’ve done in the past. I’m going to take this analysis of Ryan River’s program as an opportunity to reflect on my journey and my path towards getting my ex back – a story I’ve never really told anyone before. Once I’ve explained my story, and what makes me an quasi-expert on the matter, I’ll explain who I believe this program best suits by explaining the 9 break-ups this program works best for. I will then review the major ‘Pros & Cons’ of the program, explain the course layout and curriculum, and give an assessment on the value for money and how it stands against other ‘get your ex back’ programs.


My story

As many of you know, my names Steve. Yes, my friends call me Bebe, but for the purpose of talking about my more intimate life journeys, I’d like you to think of me as Steve. Just plain old, well intentioned Steve.

About 5 years ago I met a girl. Well, I’d kind of known her before that through friends, she was always on the parameters of my friend circle, but about 5 years ago I met her properly. She was beautiful. I mean she was beeeuuutiful. She’d hate it if I put her name here, so for the purpose of this story, lets call her Jenny. Jenny and I were both allot younger at the time, and it took us a while to finnaly get together. There was allot of back and forth originally, we played games with each other for a long while and flirted with each other constantly before finally hooking up. Even once were hooking up, we’d play mind games with each other at parties. It was a fiery relationship from the start.

Somehow we ended up together. She was my first real girlfriend. I had had girlfriends before, but nothing like this. It didn’t take me long to realize I was in love with her. Love never stopped it from being an often tumultuous relationship. It seemed that we would go weeks and months in absolute unison, flowing together like were made two parts of the same whole. In this months we’d laugh together always, play silly games with each other, call each other pet names, and have unbelievable sex.

It was the dark weeks that scared me. Some weeks, with almost no warning at all, like a dark storm coming over the sea, we would break down. We’d fight all the time. She’d be jealous, and short fused. I’d be irritable, and unforgiving. We’d land up in bad loops. Things would break down further and further until they broke. We’d reconcile. We’d enter some weird weeks. And then we’d enter some good weeks. It was always like this.

As the bad weeks grew longer and longer, until bad weeks became boring, tense, and horrible months – Love wasn’t holding it together anymore. A couple big fights, one after the other, and all of a sudden we had our first break up. Well, she broke up with me. It didn’t last long, but things were never quite the same in the months that proceeded that. So we got back together.

What arose were months of weirdness to each other, we had both hurt each other in the things we had said and done in the break up and the weeks before that, and our relationship ended up feeling forced and contrived. And so one day I ended it. It wasn’t really following a big fight, and I didn’t think she would take it as seriously as she did. I kind of just wanted things to change, I didn’t want her to move on.

Fat forward two month down the road and Im a broken man. I had quite seriously messed up. I soon realized that I had let the best thing that had ever happened to me go. Here I was regretting a decision I had made more than I could have ever imagined and there she was, wanting nothing to do with me. It seemed as if she had moved on. I mean, I know there were some parts of her (most parts she admits now) that still wanted me but I wasn’t sure. Worse yet, I had no way to ascertain what was going on in her head, trying to talking to her just seemed to bomb every time. I felt stuck and helpless.

So I asked my mom and my sister. That was some terrible advice. And I couldn’t ask my friends about it. So I did what any modern dude in my situation would do. I asked Google. And Google gave back. What transpired was an information vomit on my brain. I found dozens of programs promising to teach me how to get my ex back, make her fall insanely in love with me again, make her turn into a Stepford housewife and give me the remote. Then I found some free information. Some of that free information’s said I must call her right now. Some said wait a week or a month. Some said I must play hard to get. Some said I should apologies and admit I was wrong. Some said I should I message, some said I should call, some said I should make her jealous, some said I should not be with any other women. What was I to believe? Could any of this free information be trusted? It seemed too incongruent, contrasting, inconsistent and sometimes just wrong. On the other hand, should I fork of some money to a guru who claims to know it all, and claims that he can fix all my problems, even if I’ve never heard of him and think he cant be trusted? I was in a bind.

What I chose to do, as would any citizen of the internet, I googled “Relationship Rewind Review”, and let me tell you (this was about 3 years ago) I was confronted with absolute garbage. I read review after review that seemed like they hadn’t even read the program. There was only one review, on some obscure Yelp like site that lead me to believe that this program could actually work for me. That review just seemed honest and real, and I could connect with that guys story. And so I went ahead, I got onto the Dicarlo Diclassified website, I pulled out my credit card, and I made the first step of a very interesting journey.

The program was delivered to me instantly. By the time I checked my email, there it was. The links, the ebooks, and the passwords that would send me down the path to reclaiming my lost love. I opened the email like a fox tearing into a chicken, and I devoured the whole thing in one sitting late at night.



About The Relationship Rewind Program

What immediately struck me as interesting was the fact that before the program asks you to delve into its 3 steps, it first encourages you to go through the Clear Truth Technique as a primer for your journey in getting you ex back. The Clear Truth Technique, which is sort of a bonus in the program, The Clear Truth technique focuses on lying and the disastrous affects it has in a relationship, it sets it out clearly from the get go that if you’re going to the Relationship Rewind program successfully, you need to resolve in yourself to be honest with your partner once you get them back, and to be honest with yourself with regards to your motivations and intentions in the process of getting them back into your life. This Clear Truth eBook, which is 10 full pages long explains to you how to introduce Cleartuth and remove judgment by giving you simple and straightforward things you can say to your partner to foster an environment of trust again. Its important to note this at the beginning, because as I learned if you want any chance of getting back into a successful and healthy relationship one needs to set the foundations properly. If you proceed on the Relationship Rewind program without understanding how to build a foundation of Clear Truth, you are just going to get back into a tumultuous relationship with your ex. Some of the matters dealt with in this eBook are: Being honest with yourself and confessing your own lies from the past; How to use relationship rewind; removing the fear of judgment and consequences of being ‘caught’; asking your partner to admit something and rewarding each confession; and determining the emotional ‘juice’ your partner was getting from the lies and providing it to them in other ways.


The Clear Truth Technique

The Clear Truth technique was interesting to me, it made me reconsider some of my own issues and helped me head on to the 3 step program with a better and healthier mindset. No longer was I just looking to get my ex back, but I was looking to get my ex back in a healthy, constructive and positive way. I now wanted to build a brand new relationship, void of lying and distrust. The Clear Truth eBook is a great start to the program and something I have not come across in other ‘Get Your Ex Back’ programs that I’ve looked at. This is something unique, and showed me that Ryan Rivers was not just out to get my money, but actually cared that I get back into a healthier situation that I started in.


Step1: Simple Stage Solver & The Real Reason Reveal

Once I had been introduced to the concepts and explain how to use the program, I was then ready to move onto step 1 of the 3-step relationship Rewind program.

I opened the first eBook, and stared blankly for a second at the contents page. I took a deep breath, one that made me feel quite empowered through my own doing, and then clicked over to page 1 of the program. The first step of the program delves into two main aspects: The Simple Step Solver and The Real Reason Reveal. These are aspects that deal with the simple base steps of getting your ex back, and the real reasons for each of your actions. The program swiftly moves on to revealing the simple and effective ways that one can move forward rewinding a relationship. The eBook starts off with a mandatory explanation of what Relationship Rewind actually is – a slightly unnecessary section since its already explained in Clear Truth. It then moves on to quickly explaining how you can really ‘rewind’ your partners mind. One thing I really respect about this program is that there is absolutely no fluff, when Ryan Rivers promises to tell you something, he doesn’t ramble for half a book and then reveal. The fact that this crucial information is in the first section of the first chapter pays testament to this.

Chapter 3 poses the question ‘Is it ever too late? Should you move on instead?’ and discusses some of the misconceptions around getting your ex back in terms of time frames. It explain how late is too late (the answer is basically never) and discusses the situation specific pros and cons of moving on instead of going through the effort of getting your ex back. As I explained earlier, this stuff isn’t for everyone, and Ryan Rivers isn’t shy to admit that some people are better off just moving on, especially in certain situations he explains.

Chapter 4 and 5 explain the real reason our partners lose interest in relationships and break-ups, and delves into the four stages of a break up, namely: Bliss; Switch; Drift; and Deaths Door. These four stages are integral to the program, and knowing which one you are currently in is the key to approaching your ex in the most effective way. This section is really important to read and think about, as it is reffered to often in the rest of the book and will dictate how you approach getting your ex back.

Chapter 6 and 7 deals with how to find out how your partner really feels about you and discusses your ideal mindset moving forward. As noted earlier, it can be difficult to ascertain what your ex is thinking and how they feel when there is minimal contact between you. Ryan Rivers explain effective and almost stealth ways to find out how they are feeling without giving up your strength or looking needy. This is pure gold and helps clear some of the confusion. The first eBook end with a discussion about mindset, how it will affect your relationship going forward, and according to which stage you are in what the best mindset to approach your ex with is going forward in getting them back.

The first book in its entirety helps one to focus their efforts and gives you a clear path forward of understanding in which you can approach getting your partner back. It is intended as a foundation for which to base the more concrete and practical information within steps 2 & 3.


Step 2: Perfect Planning & Reaching Out to Rewind

The second eBook, which is Step 2 of the Relationship Rewind system deals with perfect planning and reaching out to rewind. This is where the practical hands on training begins. As you read you are expected to follow, relate it to your unique situation and plan your moves forward according to the advice given. This is some rock hard advice in this book, and so its important that you have a pen and paper when you’re going through it so you can jot down things to do, say, and approach situations with.

Chapter 1 and 2 discusses the importance of communication and reaching out and the best contact methods to do so with in each situation. Rivers here discusses each contact method and how to most effectively and brilliantly use each to get your ex thinking about you and wanting to speak to you. Here he discusses face-to-face; phone; instant messaging; text messaging; and email. He explains what’s appropriate on each contact method, and what to absolutely never do on each. He also explain why reaching out is so important, and why doing it in a specific and planned manner will help you not come off as desperate or needy.

In chapter 3 the book delves into the specific techniques that are best for each stage of a break up. Here’s where you remember what stage you chose in the first eBook and carefully apply the given techniques to your situation. For each, Bliss, Switch, Drift, and Deaths Door there are specific contact methods, things to say, and techniques that work best. Mismatching, as he explains, could potentially be fatal for getting back together, and so it is important that one heads this advice carefully.

Chapter 4 explains how to get your partner in person, how to get the feeling ‘I miss you’, making it your partners idea to hang out, and the power of the friend zone. This chapter goes step by step into arguably the most important part of getting your ex back: actually seeing them in person. Its important to frame your meeting in the right way, so it doesn’t seem like old friends, or it isn’t awkward. This chapter speaks of framing and techniques that will ensure that the meeting leads to a rekindling.

Chapter 5 and 6 explain some of the more difficult situations, namely what to do if your partner is involved with someone else and how to approach long distance relationships. These chapters are exceptionally useful for specific cases in which either of these two factors apply. The including of these matters shows the authors intent to cover all bases and I’m sure will be appreciated by guys who are facing complex dynamics within their break-ups.

Chapter 7, the last chapter of the book, finally explains how to prepare for face-to-face contact and specific tips for that first contact. It speaks about hygiene, socializing with members of the opposite sex, confidence and relaxation. This section is meant to prepare you both physically and mentally for the meet up. The chapter ends with a workbook exercise comprising of 5 questions that aims to self asses whether you are ready and fully prepared for face-to-face contact. If you nail all 5, you’ll know you ready.


Step 3: Back to Bliss & Your Total Control Time Machine

Step 3 is the final eBook and final step of the Relationship Rewind program. Here he explains step by step how to get back to the ‘Bliss’ stage of your former relationship through in contact meet-ups and specialty framing techniques, how to perfectly manage face-to-face engagement and how to plan the perfect date.

Chapter 1 discusses the ultimate goal of your in-personal meeting and how to meet this goal without sacrificing any of your status or relational power. Rivers explain carefully how one must consider and reach the ultimate goal of getting your ex back.

Chapter 2 and 3 discusses understanding and planning the perfect date. Once your ex has agreed to an in person meet up, it is part of the system that one must approach the situation with a perfect date mentality in order to rekindle the emotions that once were and bring your ex back into the old frame of your relationship. Here Rivers explain at each stage what your intention and approach should be to the date, in specific he talks about the ‘Switcheroo’, the ‘perfect date’, how to ‘solidify friendship’, how to create ‘scarcity’, and how to prove transformation.

It is explained at this point that you are in the drivers seat in your relationship and now you must put what has been taught into practice and drive your ex back into your life. Step 3 ends with some solid round-up advice and ensures you that you are now more than capable of getting your ex back. Through the four books you should have at this point gained an in-depth understanding into the dynamics of break ups, and the mental models of ex boyfriends and girlfriends.


Summary and Does it Work?

In summary, the four book provide a solid foundation from which to approach your ex partner in attempt to get them back. Ryan Rivers covers most bases and provides a simple, honest, and revealing step-by-step program. In going through the program, one may feel that certain elements do not apply to them, but it is my belief that the program is intentionally built to cover enough aspects so it applies to everyone. I remember going through the program the first time and having dozens of Aha! moments. The book’s depth is impressive, and it really helps give you a glimpse into the psychological workings of relationships and break-ups.

So does it work? Here I am two years later writing a review, and, well, im actually not with her any more. Huh? You weren’t expecting that were you? Well let me explain. I followed the program and I got her back. It works just as it promises (almost too well actually) and we dated for about another year. The year we dated after we got back together was by miles the best part of our entire relationship. The energy was back, we had both forgiven each other fully and the sex was incredible, like we were 18 again. In that year we were together, we hardly ever bickered or fought, our relationship never ever felt unstable and we were the happiest we had ever been together. What transpired was a beautiful and mature relationship built on mutual trust, love and understanding. So what went wrong? Well, nothing. I was offered an opportunity overseas and I took it. We ended on insanely good terms. We still speak often, and we’re going to see what happens when I get back.

I cant thank Ryan Rivers and Relationship Rewind enough. I was broken at a point and the whole getting back together thing has helped me grow as a person so much. Lets move onto pros & cons.




  • Clear, concise step by step program
  • Gives actuall techniques to use and not just theory
  • Not too long, can be read in one night
  • Insightful, applicable, approachable
  • Real world examples and sensible advice
  • Doesn’t come off as creepy or needy
  • Focus on healthy aspects, such as trust and truth
  • Very reasonable priced



  • Some information that is only applicable to very specific situations
  • Doesn’t explain other options like “friends with benefits”
  • Not intended for those looking for a quick fix


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About the Program

Company DiCarlo Diclassified / Altare Publishing
Author Ryan Rivers
Category Get Your Ex Back
Release Date December 2011
Format eBooks & Online Video



The Relationship Rewind Program
The Clear Truth Program
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(*Bonuses only applicable when purchased through link below)


Short Relationship Rewind for $39.95 + bonuses:


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I promise to help you get your partner back for good. And if Relationship Rewind doesn’t get her back, then I haven’t done my job and I don’t deserve to keep your money. So, if you’re not happy with your purchase today for any reason at all , you can get a full refund of the purchase price by emailing me at or by calling 1-800-563-4227 from 9:00 AM to 8:00 PM Eastern Standard Time, Monday through Friday. That’s my promise to you. – Ryan

Approach Anxiety – What should you do?

“Look at that girl over there, she is so hot!” “Ok man, go and talk to her” “mmm, maybe next time”. This is a short story most of us go through every day. You see this girl you like but then you get afraid of approaching her. This is a term that we can call ‘approach anxiety’. It is not deadly, but it is not good for a man to have. There are a lot of girls you could have known and who know, maybe you missed your perfect girl because of your ‘approach anxiety.’

The problem is that you won’t wake up one day to find yourself talking to all the girls in the world confidently; there is not even a shortcut to achieve that. It is a result of bad experiences, fears, lack of confidence, or even beliefs. You have got to face yourself and work on these steps to overcome this problem and become the person you dream of.

First: Rule of probability

Let’s say girls have no reasons to like you. We can translate it that there is a 10% chance for a girl to like you when you approach her. Then, if you talk to 10 different girls in a day, one girl will respond positively. Make it your own practice. Talk to ten girls every day. Start with the easy ones; they will boost your confidence: shop assistants, girls in local transportation, colleagues, and friends of friends.

Even if you are not interested in these girls, it will keep your confidence levels high and ready for the moment you approach a girl you like. In summary, a guy talking to girls a day is not as confident as one talking to 20.

Second: Have a partner

Surround yourself with a couple of friends having the same target as you do. Compete with them how many girls you do approach in one single party. Make bets for a girl you like. Make sure that the bet be of value for you, a sum of money, something to do, or even losing your word among them. The important thing is that you should always be motivated to approach girls while you are with those friends.

Third: Boost your confidence:

Work on your confidence. In the end, this is the main issue. If it goes well, everything will be fine. Always remember that confidence is not something you take for granted. It needs hard work and patience but in the end you will get it.

Fourth: Hypnosis:

Silly as it seems but surprisingly, it actually it works with more people than you can imagine! Hypnosis is not for “crazy” people, it is for people who can be directed subconsciously and are open to change. This will lead to a very positive effect. The good thing too is that you shouldn’t go to a specialist; you can just try these hints:

  • Get hypnosis recordings online. You can find a lot of useful resources online, youtube for example. Listen to these recordings every night and you will notice the change yourself.
  • Make your own recordings. Get your cellphone or recording device and record positive messages with your own voice for 3 minutes. It may seem a weird thing to do but never mind. Listen to these messages every day. It definitely will make some change.
  • Write your main goal “approaching girls easily” on a piece of paper and hang it in your room. It will be best if you locate it where you can see it as soon as you open your eyes in the morning. It will be your motivation for the whole day.
  • Repeat these positive messages everywhere around you. Not just in your room, on the fridge, by the restroom door, anywhere your eyes can fall. It will step by step reach your heart until one day it will be your lifestyle.


Fifth: Be serious in change:

Exert real effort. Be strict and notice the change by yourself. Observe the best technique that works for you and then follow it.

Here is a sample technique that worked with many ones when in party:

  1. Approach 3 groups of girls and talk to them.
  2. Go on and talk to the girls you like.

Find similar techniques.


Sixth: Use an anchor:

This is a technique stated in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) in which you link your emotion with a physical body motion. What does that mean? Sometimes you feel confidence boost and this is what you need to approach a girl. So whenever you feel this confidence boost, stick your thumb and fore finger together. Do this for some time. In the end, when you are about to approach a girl stick your fingers and you will feel the confidence boost automatically.


These are the steps that if you follow, change is guaranteed. All you have to do now is work on yourself according to these steps and watch your transformation. After that, get to know as many girls as you like or go and approach your dream girl, she is waiting for you!

I Tred Pheromone Spray For a Month – This is What I Found.

Ok so have been playing with XIST Pheromone spray since July.

I do not know if it is a placebo, but I am now much more happier after XIST even if I don’t wear it (I think it has a residual effect even if they state the sprays effect only last 6-8 hours). Women start to walk up to me automatically (That is when I wear XIST. They are even starting to do it now post XIST usage. They never did it before.). They will also leave the other company of men to talk to me when I wear it. They are also more flirtatious and talkative than ever before (I made day observations before I sprayed on pheromones to make sure that I did not just imagine things). The weirdest thing is that some women greet me before I can greet them now when I wear mones. I also find it that women who get multiple exposure to XIST, feel more comfortable around me. Just be warned that the goal of XIST is to make interactions more intimate, not sexual and it succeeds in that goal brilliantly. What worries me more is that my women friends who have boyfriends are starting to flirt with me. I do not want to cheat on anyone, but these pheromones make them feel it justifiable to flirt with me even if they are in a relationship. They never did it, now they do. It really has an effect on women.

The biggest factor for me about Xist is actually the fallout effect that it creates. Women who had multiple exposures of it are starting to miss me. I mean like, what the hell. I like it.

Also, I tested samples of Ascend, Evolve and cohesion. Ascend causes extreme pupil dilation (like really I have never seen people’s pupils so huge) and passive agreement from the one spray that I used on that. Like I was talking to people who wanted to employ me after I graduate and they were in a trance. Maybe they were just trance like beings, but I doubt it, since the representatives of that big company are professionals. I have also tested one spray of Evolve. Women talk about sexual topics without you bringing it up. The evening I used that, I was really surprised. Cohesion just makes people and everyone around you much more friendlier.

In conclusion, pheromones made me much more happier and has changed the way I interact with Women. It has also made me much more self-confident even if I don’t wear it. I don’t know if this the ultimate placebo since I have been seeing too many changes in my behavior as well as how women react to me now. The one thing I also realized is that pheromones is just like a fancy suit, it does not exclusively make you attractive, but it is one of the components to being attractive. For instance: Good fashion + awesome personality + sexy hairstyle + pheromones + intelligence + good looks = profit.

I am also going to make methodical research ( It consists of: 1.Statement of the problem 2. Development of the research question. 3. Relevant review of the literature 4. Choice of theoretical approach 5. Choice of methodology and method in selecting a sample 6. Data analysis and interpretation 7. Discussion and report writing) of what precisely makes XIST work for me. The biggest selling point for me is that it makes me feel happy ( and the fallout effect) when I spray it on. I don’t know, I need to also back up my subjective and anecdotal results that I am getting by empirical facts that can be replicated. It has affected me so positively but I need to understand why.

I am definitely going to buy again from Pheromone XS. Their priority mail shipping frustrated me, but their DHL service works perfect! I think I may try their priority express delivery next.

Anyway, enough ranting from me, I really like XS whether they are a placebo or not, they work for me.

How to Neg – Taking Negging in a New Direction

Neg – Noun: an ambiguous statement or seemingly accidental insult delivered to a beautiful woman a pickup artist has just met, with the intent of actively demonstrating to her (or her friends) a lack of interest in her. For example: “Those are nice nails; are they real?” 2. Verb: to actively demonstrate a lack of interest in a beautiful woman by making an ambiguous statement, insulting her in a way that appears accidental, or offering constructive criticism. Origin: Mystery 

-taken from the glossary of terms in The Game by Neil Strauss

Negs are an important part of running game for some people, not used at all by some and others are indifferent. I think the reason there is a division is because of the narrow definition that we have been told and restricted ourselves to. We sometimes push the boundaries of those definitions, but when we start to go too far, people start to say we’re not negging anymore, just because it isn’t covered by this narrow definition anymore. The game is evolving though.

The community is going through a growth spurt and people are starting to notice trends, that there are people out there, calling themselves Pickup Artists, or PUAs for short and they’re starting to learn the common tools that these people employ, that WE employ. A very common example of this is a Neg, as by the current definition, it is easy to detect and easy to harass someone for using. We need to change this, so that we’re not being called out for using negs when we are carrying on a conversation with a target. To do this, you need to broaden your definition of a neg.

The definition of a neg stays the same, it is somewhat of a backhanded compliment, or a slight insult, followed by a positive comment, but you’re not using them for the express purpose of showing disinterest in a beautiful girl that you just met. Maybe you’ve also heard that you should neg a girl that’s a “9” or a “10” 3-4 times, an “8” 1-2 times and a “7” not at all. That’s really quite narrow too, sure it’s a guideline, but a guideline that says that negs are only required for a certain task and only used a couple times and then you never use them again.

You can also get away with using playful insults, without any kind of positive comment, but instead using positive body language and tone, this typically is overlooked by most people when they are looking at the definition of a neg, because they take it at face value. An example of this is something that I like to say to girls that try to tease me, “I can’t believe you just said that! You’re so rude!” The words are all negative, but by saying with a big grin on your face, a playful push and maybe even a wink, while over-acting and making it obvious that you are pretending to be offended, you will almost always make her behave better, gain attraction because you had the balls to tell her to behave and you did it in a way that was funny, plus you’ll almost always get a playful punch/push or some kino that you can build upon.

To neg or not to neg

Anyone that has spent time in the field practicing negs and worked on calibrating them will be able to tell you that negs will make a girl that isn’t interested in you, suddenly become interested and then attracted. Negs are something that most women don’t encounter on a regular basis, so it’s different and catches them off guard. Women love to be surprised and challenged, so when you do something unexpected, like tease them about their hair that they are normally complimented on, it makes them surprised and now you’re a challenge to face, to make you like their hair.

Instead of using negs to simply show you aren’t interested or impressed by her and then ditching the topic, to talk about something else, in order to DHV, you can engage the target with the neg and get them to play back with you, almost like teasing your sister and getting into a name calling match, only you’re gonna use it to create sexual tension. By continually using slight negs, with a very playful vibe to the way you say them (by using smirks, big grins, winks, or a smile that slowly creeps up on your face) you don’t hit as hard as you do with a standard neg said with a straight face.

You keep this up and this becomes part of your personality and is thus accepted by your audience, so you don’t have to stop as you normally would when just trying to get a girl to stop being so high on herself. It achieves the same results though. You bring her opinion of herself down because you are using NLP by showing that she doesn’t impress you and demonstrating that you think higher of yourself, even if you are just joking. You show an active disinterest in her as well, which makes her more interested in you, but by being playful about your disinterest, you are showing that you are willing to give her a chance to prove herself to you, if she can just up her game and demonstrate that she has a sense of humor and whatever other qualities that you are negging her about.

People seem to have a fear that by continuing to use negs, their target will become insulted and lose interest. I argue that what we are doing with negs in challenging our target’s mind and that is something that is necessary for a good relationship to last and to ever grow to its full potential. I went out with a girl 3 years ago for a couple weeks before things got broken off for a variety of reasons. I’ve been interested in getting back with her ever since, but never had the skills to really interest her in doing so until recently. One of the main reasons that she is as attracted to me as she is, is because I neg her all the time. We play fight and she loves it. Remember what Mystery said, something along the lines of, “Things that were funny back in grade school still work.” Well, thinking back to grade 1-6, guys and girls that had crushes on each other did a lot of play fighting with each other, in the form of insults and wars of words, so it still works.

My uncle was a natural and he had one of the best marriages, if not THE best marriage I have ever seen in my life. The reason the guy did so well was partly because he had a nice physique, he was thin wiry, with a pretty face (not girly pretty, just….pretty). The biggest reason he managed to attract and interact with anyone though, was because he gave everyone a hard time. Half the time he didn’t even add a nice side to the comments he made and it just made everyone work even harder to make him like them and impress him. His wife is the same way. He would tell her that she was being stupid and that if she didn’t smarten up, he would punch her in the ovaries! She would turn around and tell him that if he didn’t shut up, she would throw him down the stairs. They loved each other more than you could possibly imagine or put to words though and it was always done in jest, generally while laughing at the same time. If you manage to get someone to play along with you at the same level, then you can say just about anything you want.

Now that I’ve explained how negs can be used more broadly than just at the start of an encounter and that they can be used for much more than just showing disinterest and lowering a target’s value, we’ll address the basics of negging and also how this can apply.

When do you neg? Traditional methods would say that you should only neg when a girl is acting as if she has higher value than you, or to show that you aren’t as interested as you are, so that she doesn’t treat you like any other guy that hits on her. Those are both good times to neg and I use them all the time myself. You can also neg whenever a girl presents you with an opportunity to make an “in joke”, or does something that you can point out in a way that makes it sound like you think she’s being silly and cute, or a stereotypical girl, so that she will try to impress you more, but it will also encourage her to act in a silly way, because although your words are telling her that she isn’t impressing you, you make your tone and facial expression a positive one, so that consciously she listens to your words, but subconsciously, she will take your tone and body language as being the correct message. You want to encourage this “silly” and fun attitude, because by doing that, she associates fun with you and will want to be around you more, because when she’s around you she has fun, it’s like getting her hooked on a drug and she’s always going to want a fix. That girl I mentioned going out with 3 years ago, enjoys all the teasing I give her so much, that she comes to me asking for fun and entertainment, because she says she doesn’t get it anywhere else in her life, because no one else will challenge her and give her a hard time, like I do. If you’re sending your negs with a fun and positive tone and encouraging facial expressions, with smiles and winks, then you can use a neg whenever you see an opening.

How often should you neg? Generally not more than 3 in 5 minutes, except at the very start when you’re trying to demonstrate that teasing is part of your personality. You don’t have to always neg and you can go for a long time without negging if you are using a more serious frame, trying to engage your target on a deep intellectual, or emotional level, but if you are trying to increase attraction through demonstrating fun, I like to neg at least once every 5 minutes, until I get into comfort building, then I’ll only use them once in a while, when I feel that she’s comfortable enough to build more attraction.

Who should you neg? Anyone that has enough confidence in themselves to take a joke, because that’s the best way to deliver a neg, as a joke. I use negs to AMOG in a way that makes guys think that I like to joke around and I don’t mean anything by my jokes, even though at the same time, I’m slowly lowering their value with the people around them and increasing mine. I find that this approach works better than using heavy hitting negs, that people take notice of, because you can remain the guy that everyone likes, while stealing girls out from under their bfs, or their friends that are trying to keep guys away from them. I use negs on targets and obstacles, to demonstrate that I treat them the same way as I treat their male friends and that we’re just being friendly, which causes them to be more attracted because I’m not actively pursuing them. I use negs first on the target, so that the obstacles become more friendly and then I’ll neg the obstacle to show that nobody gets special treatment, I treat everyone as equals and we all joke around, whether I just met them, or its my best friend that I have winging for me. The only people I don’t neg, are the ones that are too shy, or self conscious, to be able to take being teased, without withdrawing further. What you do with these people, is first be friendly and encourage them to be more open with you, then when they’re starting to open up, you can lightly neg them about something in order to get them to fight back and stop being so shy. Now that they’re opened up and actively play fighting with you, you encourage it by showing her that its all just a game and you’re just teasing and maybe even let her get a couple jabs in first before retaliating. Again, by showing her that it’s ok to play with you and open up, you become different than everyone else that treats her like she’s fragile because she’s normally shy.

Now that you’re engaging people in this way and making them play along with you, you’ll be getting negged back frequently. When guys start to get negged back, they usually try to fight back harder and be more aggressive in order to maintain their Frame, but this usually just ends up making you look like an aggressive jerk and unappealing. Instead of trying to be harsh and overpowering with your negs, try to calibrate them so that you are negging back with the same level of neg, or only slightly more intense. By playing along at the same level, no one ends up feeling like the other person is being an asshole, because everyone is treating everyone else the same (unless you’re both being really mean with your negs, in which case you need to re- calibrate to keep it from getting to the point).

There is a difference between offending someone and negging them, this is what will determine whether your neg is considered a joke, or a slight criticism, or insulting them. When you neg someone, the goal is to gain value in their eyes, while slightly lowering their own value. To lower someone’s value without offending them, you can’t just criticize something about them, like asking if their hair is real or not, you need to follow it up with a slight compliment to take away the sting. So the classic example is, “Nice nails, are they real?” You are taking away some of your target’s self esteem by asking if her nails are real, because the only other alternative is that they would be fake and so you are saying her nails don’t look as good as real nails, but you take that sting away at a conscious level, by telling her that they look nice. Typically you can have the negative portion of a neg come before, or after the positive portion, but there are exceptions depending on what you are saying. It is a bad idea to close with a criticism if it outweighs the compliment and so you put it at the front and then take away with sting with a compliment after. Other times it is a bad idea to put the compliment at the end, because it sounds as if you are trying to back peddle and apologize for whatever comment you made because you decided it sounded too rude. This is something that needs to be determined on a case by case basis and can only truly be learned over time and with repeated use of negging, but when saying a neg, make sure that when you are finished saying it, the target of the neg doesn’t feel like you said something negative, or positive to them, it should come across neutral in value.

Sometimes when you are running game, you will feel the uncomfortable atmosphere that comes from over-negging. When you over-neg, there are ways to fix your mistake, but what you don’t want to do, is be too apologetic about anything you may have said, because you lose any sort of Alpha male status that you may have gained, because now you look like you care too much about what others think about you. If you over-neg, one way out of it is to sincerely apologize for being rude, but you do this once and only once. Once you have apologized, you need to pay more attention to the effect of what you are saying and try not to offend your set/target again, because you probably won’t be forgiven a second time, but don’t continue to apologize, consider the issue over and move on. Another option is to try to laugh it off as you sometimes over stepping your bounds, because you are always joking around and people don’t quite understand your sense of humor. This is sometimes a hard sell, but if you tell them to just take everything you say with a grain of salt, because most of what you say is at least half joking, it works pretty well. You can also play the part of the asshole and capitalize on the image by telling her that you’re just an asshole and you don’t really think too much before you say things, or something along those lines (my roommates use this one a lot and it works well for them because they come off as being oblivious to social standards and people will let anything they do wrong slide). The downside to the last one is that you lose credibility as someone that is very intelligent or polite and that can hurt you in other areas. It’s also important to remember that even though you are claiming to be an asshole, you don’t want to be completely serious about it; it should be said in such a way that she is unsure whether you are serious, or joking, or a mix.

The question of whether you need to neg comes up often and my reply to that is “no”, you don’t NEED to neg, but it will definitely change the way you are treated and the overall atmosphere of a conversation and the relationship. It seems like girls always fell the hardest for boys back in grade school, and somewhere along the line the strength of attraction dropped – having a crush wasn’t as big a deal to her anymore. Is that because they’re getting used to being attracted or because guys have become too scared to use negs as much they did without realizing it in grade school?

I don’t use purposely use canned negs, but in certain situations an opportunity for a good neg that I’ve used before will present itself, so I do tend to have recurring themes. Here’s a couple for you to take a look at. Think about what emotions you are trying to evoke from the target of your neg and then think about how the neg comes off and adjust how much you emote certain emotions and what actions you do, in order to get the best results out of them.

For instance, think of the neg I mentioned earlier about telling a girl she is being rude. If said in a deadpan way, she will take it seriously and lose all interest, because by telling her she’s rude so bluntly, you are being rude yourself. Said with lots of smiles and an exaggerated tone, she will realize you are playing with her and become attracted. Keep that in mind while reading these.

“God, you’re so rude! I can’t believe you said that to me!”

Me: “Oh I see. You’re just boring. Gotcha.”
HB: “I am not!”
Me: “Alright, what tricks do you do?”/”Tell me something interesting or entertaining about yourself then.”

“Texting in bar? Are you THAT bored? Not enough interesting happening around you?”

Me: “Hey, where’d my drink go? You stole it didn’t you! God I hate thieves.”
HB: “No! I didn’t take it!”
Me: “Sure, sure, that’s just what a thief would say.”

HB: “Maybe it was one of my friends…”
Me: “Well you know that they say the people you keep as friends reflect who you are, so I bet you’re a klepto too. You should probably buy me a drink to make up for it, or at least share yours with me.”

HB: “Hey, can I try your hat on?”
Me: “Well…alright, just for a second though.” *put hat on HB’s head* Me: “Hmm…nah, looks way better on me.”


Dude its called begging

Limitless Potential: Maximising Your Seductive Potential

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” — Einstein

If you are to truly embrace and prepare yourself for the idea that we aren’t all-intelligent beings, capable of absolutely anything if one only stresses hard enough, then you must understand that, at the heart of seduction is the idea that we are creators. We are not fixers, givers, takers, or pickers and choosers. We don’t need to sacrifice or pretend, or try to be something that we are not. We do not need to solve problems. We do not need to have something of value that others would barter for. We do not need to take from others, nor do we need to pick and choose between things. For, in the power of creation lies the power to move past these ideas. Within seduction lies the power to create in a way that many other methods simply cannot.

A person’s potential is limitless because the natural passing of time is filled with surprises, changes, ebbs and flows. The forces of nature have a powerful effect on us all. Yet, most of us go about our lives with little awareness of it. The creativity of nature is something that we can all learn from and use to our benefit. Through the natural occurrence of certain new and ever-changing and adapting factors, nature, in its way, lends a helping hand to those who wish to overcome a challenge in their life. The introduction of new situations, new variables, and new elements coming into the mix is so powerful that the nature of a challenge can and likely will change. By even the most subtle and unexpected of additions, a situation can change so completely that the old problem will cease to any longer exist, and will become obsolete. As people we also hold this great power within us. By simply moving on in our lives, we can not only move past our challenges, but overcome them effortlessly by the natural changing of the situation. It doesn’t take much for something to change, for the old challenge to become obsolete, and no longer relevant.

Most intelligent thinking is based on knowing what will happen in the future, and perfectly remembering what has happened in the past. However, as human beings we just aren’t perfect in that way. We can’t always imagine where our actions will take us. That is one of the key reasons why creation — even to the extent of just moving on — is so much more powerful than thinking. Seduction is so fast and dynamic, that what was once the problem will become completely obsolete as new information is introduced.

Everything changes in the blink of an eye: fast, completely, and utterly. To ensure that you can’t see it coming, it may happen through the most subtle and unexpected of means. So for the most part, seduction cannot be about solutions to problems. This is because most problems become obsolete simply by moving on from them, and because most things can’t be comprehended since we can’t predict the future.

Moving on is about realizing that your best chance at a good life is to make it that way, no matter what happens, rather than trying to pick and choose between the future options that you prophesize. Issues, problems, and thinking all rely upon one resource that you just don’t have: omniscience. However, being willing to adapt to new and surprising situations, and to help guide their creation, can have more powerful effects than you may currently comprehend.

It’s common for us to know someone in our lives who is always transfixed with the idea that if they like someone, then that person doesn’t like them back. Similarly, if someone likes them, then that person ironically won’t find them to be in the slightest bit attractive. Maybe this person thinks they always have to play a game: do the opposite, appear uninterested. Perhaps they view situations as a choice between one option and another. However, this isn’t the only way of approaching challenges. There is another way. This alternative is the idea that the options aren’t clear choices, but rather, the individual must always evolve or adapt to the natural changes that will occur, as new variables are introduced into the situation. One mustn’t predict but, rather, be capable of adapting to and guiding change. If that person had simply accepted that the situation would harbor surprises, and that situations and challenges ebb and flow, come and go, then they would have been more capable of moving on from their obsessive need for control, and been more productive. The power of moving on is, in its simple way, a limitless kind of creation. It allows things to change as they do, so that challenges can be bent, and simplified to one’s needs. It allows new and more productive things to be invested in, fostered, and allowed to expand and grow.

One of the most powerful forces of creation is what you focus on: what you allow to remain the same, and what you allow to grow. You can learn to create outcomes, without any need to pick and choose between the obvious choices. If an athlete were to only ever pick the obvious option and not make something happen, it would be nothing more than a constant back and forth. If a musician were to only pick the obvious option, she will play the same sound over and over again, not realizing how to form different connections, which is essentially the heart of music. With this knowledge you must come to understand that all challenges are temporary — peripheral, even. Challenges do not hold any limitation to your ability, unless they draw your undivided attention. It is your creativity and ability to make a situation the way that you want it to be, regardless of challenge, that determines your very skill. By using the forces of seductive principles, you can learn the powers of creativity, adaptation, flow, and persistence. Through them you will learn to create the outcome by the presence that you project. With that no challenge will hold you. No problem is meant to be solved, it is simply meant to be effortlessly passed. This is the utilitarian, fix-all power of moving on.

Changing Your Self-Talk

It all starts with you. If you are in a situation where you are trying to accomplish something, you need to make sure you are talking to yourself in an appropriate manner. For example, if I am approaching any situation and I think to myself, I can’t do this, I’m not good enough, I’m not up to the job, I’m not what I need to be. What is that going to do? That’s going to send a signal in sort of a loop to my subconscious mind that I am not good enough. That message is then going to travel from my subconscious mind to my conscious mind telling me that I am not good enough for this task. Then I am going to consciously repeat that message and send it back to my subconscious mind. So I will have set up a sort of biofeedback loop in which I am constantly going over and over the same old negative stuff and reinforcing it.

So what do you need to do? Well, I’m not suggesting that you should to lie to yourself per se, but in a sense, you need to. You need to break your pattern. You need to interrupt the pattern that you are already in. What you need to do is start talking positively about yourself. And this is whether you are trying to have dating success or you are trying to have job success. This is for anything you are trying to accomplish in your life. You need to start talking positively to yourself, saying that you CAN do it. Or, even go so far as to tell yourself that you HAVE done it, that you always accomplish this goal, etc. So if I am approaching a dating situation, for example, and I am saying to myself, this is never going to work, this is not going to work out, this is going to be short-term, this is not going to last, I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m…you know like the television show where they joke about that. I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggonit , people like me. Well, as silly as that sounds, that is the type of mindset you need to get yourself into.

You need to start talking to yourself positively because if you’re saying the opposite, if you are always saying that you’re not good enough, that you’re not going to amount to anything, you’re not going to make this work, this is not going to happen, then guess what? It’s not going to happen! You need to start talking positively to yourself. You ARE good enough. You ARE smart enough. You ARE attractive enough. You ARE (fill in the blank) enough. You need to start talking to yourself positively. You know, I sell over 250 hypnosis CDs and downloadable MP3’s for all sorts of things such as confidence, motivation, etc. But I always tell people that the hypnosis part is very important, it’s very powerful, but that’s only a small part of your day. If you are listening to a CD for example, or if you come to see me for a private session and I make a recording of the session and you play that, you are only going to listen to that at night as you fall asleep, at night, one time a day. The majority of the hypnosis in your life, the self- programming, the self-talk, happens in your awakening conscious life when you are going through your day. And a lot of it happens when you are by yourself. You are talking to yourself. You are driving down the street. You are saying things to yourself. You are in the grocery store and you are saying things to yourself. You are telling yourself how you feel about yourself and how you feel about life. Ughh this is awful. Ughh this is terrible. Or this is great. This is amazing. I am powerful. I am having a wonderful day. It really matters how you talk to yourself. Hypnosis is wonderful. I fully embrace the power of hypnosis. But you need to start talking to yourself in a very powerful way on a daily basis and becoming very aware of it and taking responsibility for the way you are talking to yourself.

If I am in a grocery store and I catch myself saying ughh life is awful, I will immediately change it and say life is wonderful. Life is amazing. I have so many opportunities. I have so many choices. Am I lying to myself? Not really.

Because whatever I say becomes my personal reality. Whatever I put out there, whatever I say, my subconscious mind will react to. Remember, your subconscious mind is like a computer. It takes in whatever it hears. It doesn’t know right from wrong, good from bad, true from false. It just takes in what it hears. That’s the reason that it’s very important that you control everything that goes into your mind. Especially your self-talk because you are with yourself all the time! So, if you want to have dating success or success in anything in life, you need to start talking to yourself positively and when you catch yourself, we all do it from time to time, with that negative self-talk, you need to immediately take responsibility and change it to something positive. Now, at first this is going to maybe seem like hard work. Do I have to change it to something positive on such a gloomy day? Yes you do. You have to start changing the way you talk to yourself. You have to start changing it to something positive. If you want to become a successful, positive, powerful person, you must take control of this. You must take control of every thought that you have. And naturally some negative thoughts are going to seep through. We’re all human. But you catch it, you change it, and you state it in a very positive, powerful way. For example, if I’m saying this date is not going to work out. I catch myself and say this date is going to work out. I am going to have a very powerful experience. I am going to have a very successful experience. I am very confident. That sort of thing. So start talking to yourself in a very positive way whether it’s dating, a job interview, or anything else. It doesn’t matter. Start talking to yourself positively. So, changing your self-talk is step one. It all starts with you. You may have heard that many times before, it all starts with you, but it’s true. I’m hear to tell you it’s true, it’s true, it’s true. It all starts with you.

Also, it’s all in your head. I mean you may think that you need to get certain clothes, talk a certain way, with a certain flair and stand a certain way. I’m here to tell you that it all starts with you and it’s all in your head. If you are confident, you radiate that. And you don’t need to worry about other things. This is 99% of what you are paying for, right here. 99% of the information you need is right here. Start talking to yourself in a very very positive way because it does all start with you.

So let’s go through an example. Let’s say you are about to approach a member of the opposite sex, or the same sex, whatever your taste may be, you are about to approach that love interest of yours. There you are going up to that person. You are walking up to them. What are you saying to yourself? Are you looking at the 99 failures you’ve had in the past with others? The times where you’ve had some success and then it’s worked out not in your favor. Or the time that it never got off the ground? Is that what you are thinking about? Well maybe you are thinking all that, it’s normal. I have worked for professional baseball pitchers. A lot of times they are thinking about the times they messed up. But you know what? They catch themselves. They change that negative self-talk into something positive. So acknowledge you are human and then take responsibility for your thoughts. It’s okay that you had that negative thought, that’s fine, it’s going to happen. If you are going up a roller coaster, you’re going to be scared a little bit, I hope, that’s part of the fun! But you are going to change that if you want a positive experience into “hey, this is not being scared, this is excitement and I am going to enjoy this.” So take that energy, acknowledge it, and take responsibility for it and change it. I’m excited about the possibilities I am about to encounter. I am excited about what could happen in my life as a result of meeting this person. And you know beyond that, I don’t need this person. I don’t need the end result to be A, B, or C. All I need to do in this moment is have fun and go with it. That is all I need to do. So you see what we’re talking about? We’re talking about what could be negative thoughts and changing them in to positive, powerful thoughts, reframing them. You are taking a negative idea. You are acknowledging it because you are human, you are taking responsibility for it and you’re changing it into something positive that is going to help you.

So if I am walking into a dating experience, let’s make it very graphic. I am walking into the bar and there is a female waiting for me and oh my goodness she is so beautiful. She is more beautiful than I ever imagined possible. So my first thought is I’m not good enough, I’m not up to this. This is not right. I then catch myself. I acknowledge that I am human and I have fears. Then I take responsibility and I change that. I change that to let’s have fun with this. Let’s really have fun with this. I am good enough. I am smart enough. I am me. I was okay yesterday when I had never seen this person before in my life. I’m going to be fine tomorrow. I’m going to have fun now. I am confident, powerful, motivated, wonderful and fun. I’m funny, fun to be with, I’m a great person. You see that? Even if I don’t really feel it in the moment, I’m telling myself that. And you know what, your subconscious mind is like a computer. It takes that information and it acts on it. It acts on that information and it makes it your personal reality. So, when you are in a dating situation, whether you are about to meet the person or you are trying to meet the person or it’s your second date or third date, or whatever it is, acknowledge those thoughts of concern. Then take responsibility for them and change them into something powerful and positive.



What? Homework? Yes, that’s right, I like to assign lots of homework. Let’s face it, if you are sitting at home alone reading this post, it’s not going to do you any good unless you get out there and DO SOMETHING!

So what is your homework for this week? Your homework is to have fun! Your homework is to go out there, find yourself in a dating situation. Where you are going on a first date or a second date or calling that person on the phone whose number you have or returning a call from a person who called you. And you’re catching yourself with those limiting beliefs, those doubts, you are taking responsibility for them and then you are changing your self talk in that moment. You’re changing it into something positive and powerful, like I can do this. I am good enough. It’s okay. It’s fun. It’s exciting. It’s a learning experience. Things like that. Find yourself in one of those situations, catch your negative self talk, change it to something positive, and go through the experience and I guarantee you this. You’ll live through it. You’ll live to come back and read another post. I guarantee it. So go ahead and do it and then in the future we will take it to the next level. So go ahead and do your homework and I will see you in a couple days.

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