Articles, Social Circle Game

How to Plan The Perfect House Party

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There are many popular books and programs discussing how to pick-up women by presenting yourself in an attractive way. Many of the schools of thought today advocate conveying that you are a man of high value and that you are not all that impressed with her beauty. Some schools of thought have concepts like giving a “negative compliment” or “demonstrating high value” to kick start different stages of the attraction process.

And while all of these ideas have their power and place, we are shooting for something different. We are aiming at actually creating real social value and making you a rare, valuable person. Over the course of time, as you throw more and more parties, you really will be that valuable person to a large social circle. Instead of creating the veneer of value and attractiveness, why not actually BE that person by building real social equity?

Parties are the avenue we will be exploring in this post to build social equity. That does not mean that parties are the only way, but hosting parties is a great way to illustrate the idea of building social equity because:

  •   Parties give you an opportunity to showcase yourself without any particular talent.
  •   Parties are on your terms.
  •   Parties put you in the leader position and naturally let

    you be the rock star.

  •   Parties are a way where you can create your own social

    position, your own rules and your own value.

  •   Parties make you a host, which makes you attractive in

    many different ways (which we’ll get into later).

  •   Parties give people value.

    Later in the post, I will talk about how to maximize your effectiveness at parties that you are not hosting. Why do I choose to wait until much later in the book to discuss this?

Well, first, I want you to have an appreciation for everything it is to be a party host. Hosting a party is loaded with benefits and responsibilities. When you really recognize what it is to host a party, it will change your perspective on the party scene in general. Hosts, who may or may not necessarily know you yet, will feel more at ease with having you at their parties because they will feel your understanding and respect. You will also have an understanding of all these things that are working in favor of the people throwing the parties. With this knowledge, you’ll see how valuable it is to align yourself with the hosts of other parties to maximize your choices and effectiveness.

Throwing a good party is all about prep work. It is the most time consuming and demanding part, but your efforts will pay off ten-fold once you get into the groove of throwing parties. With every party you throw, the setup will get easier and faster.

So in the first part of this book, we will be talking about very basic logistics. Basic, but of crucial importance. Our initial intent will be to find a place suitable for throwing excellent parties.

For example, if you live in a studio apartment surrounded by crazy old women who hate you, you might want to consider another venue for the party. On the other hand, if you have a buddy who has a house on a hill and virtually no neighbors near the house, you’ve got yourself a good bet.

We’re going to cover choosing the venue and what is worth taking into consideration.

And then there’s the question of how you’re going to fill your party with the women you want. How are you going to fill your party with hot girls if you don’t know any of these hot girls? Where are these women going to come from?

Getting the women to come to the party is the most important part – it’s why you bought this book! So I will go into great depth as to how you will get hot women to come to your party. It’s actually quite simple, but most guys don’t do it! I will show you all sorts of clever ways to get hot women to come and keep coming back.

So great, you have a party with hot women. But there are things you absolutely must make sure you do to ensure that you actually get to enjoy your own party. I have made the mistake of not doing some specific things when throwing my parties and it resulted in all of my guests having a great time while I was running around working the entire evening. Bad situation – I am going to show you how to have a great time at your own party and have everyone gladly do the “grunt work”.

And then there’s the matter of getting laid. My favorite part! Hosting a party is great, but you want to make sure that as the host you get first pick of all of the hot women that show up. In fact, I am going to show you how to be a host that can sleep with all of his female guests and have them loving you! Threesomes, fuck buddies, orgies… all possible once you follow the advice laid out in this book.

There are certainly bonuses too. I mean, after throwing a couple of great parties, you’ll have a whole new social circle available to you. Guys will love you for the value you’re offering them. Women will look at you like a rock star and brag about their hook-ups with you!

This is the reality that we are going to create. Let’s begin.

 

Choosing Your Party Location

Before you can have the party, you will need to choose the location where you will host it.

We want to make some considerations at the beginning as to where to throw the party, as this will determine the limitations and freedoms you and your guests will have at the party.

Good Relationships with the Neighbors

This is really important, so I listed it first. You absolutely want to make sure that you choose a location that is on good terms with the neighbors. If you do not know the neighbors, the best thing you can do as introduce yourself and politely let them know that you will be having people over. Be really respectful, charming and polite. Let them know that you will have everything under control and you wanted to make sure they knew you had them in mind as well. Tell them that if there is any disturbance at all, they can call you and you will immediately take care of it.

If you make this connection ahead of time, the neighbors will think you are nice and respectful and probably will just ignore the party. Worst case scenario, they may call you to ask you to calm it down, but that is not a bad scenario. Much better than them calling the cops because they don’t know you and therefore think you are a disrespectful punk.

If the neighbors are your age and seem like good people, give them an invite. Chances are they will throw a party in the future and they will welcome you to it. Nice bonus.

 

Choose a House with Large Open Spaces

People will congregate around wherever the alcohol is. If it’s in the kitchen, people will hang around there. If it’s in the basement, people will be down there. You want to pick a house with a large open space where people hang around after they have their drink, since they won’t go far from where the liquor is, generally speaking.

If you have a house with a yard and the weather permits, you could even throw a party outside. Not every part of the country is warm enough to do this, though, and rain is certainly a risk. However, a party outside is better than no party at all, definitely.

 

Choose a Place with Minimal Breakable Items

When throwing a party, things have a much higher tendency to get broken. Therefore, if you have a house with high- priced electronics or expensive decor, you will need to move these items somewhere else or you run a risk of them being destroyed. Moving these items takes time and effort, so you’re best off choosing a place that doesn’t have a ton of expensive, breakable stuff.

Since it’s going to be dark in whatever venue you throw the party in, you really don’t have to be too concerned with how fancy the place is. There are a ton of parties packed with college students thrown in dingy basements all the time – as long as you have a bunch of space and alcohol, you meet the requirements.

 

Choose a Place That is Accessible

Listen, people want to come to your party, get absolutely “blitzed” and then be able to make it home. As the host, you want to do your best to accommodate this desire.

Don’t throw your party out in the middle of nowhere unless you have a group of really committed friends who plan on spending the night. For our purposes, you want to throw the party in a place that is extremely accessible – by car, by taxi, by public transportation, etc. Make it easy for people to get there and back to where they live.

 

Making Connections For an Incredible Party

This portion of setting up your parties will take time to create and manage, but as with anything, it will be worth it.

This chapter will give you an overview of how to get the people you desire to come to your party.

At first, our strategy will be to make as many connections as possible, as quickly as possible. Later, in Chapter 10, I will discuss trimming your guest list down to only the best people.

Methods of Building a Guest List

Primary Method: Social Networking via Internet

In the old days, before social networking came onto the Internet scene, people learned about parties by their reputation through friends. People were more group-centric and tended not to venture that far outside of their cliques. The only way that someone would check out a random party would be if their friends gave them a high recommendation or if a party just had a great reputation. These days we can bypass creating a reputation and instead create the appearance of a great reputation out of thin air!

Most people these days belong to at least Facebook and/or Myspace. If you do not have an account on either of these sites, you MUST get on them. You must! There are tons and tons of very attractive young women who secretly use Myspace and Facebook to discretely meet and hook up with men, but would never bring themselves to formally join an “online dating service”.

 

Building a Guest List from Scratch.

Facebook is the best way and can be used to organize an event and create a guest list.

Our first objective is to create a pool of potential guests to your party. The best way to do this is by adding a massive amount of girls in your area to your friends list. Just search on Facebook in your area and add as many as you can.

Remember these are complete strangers, but most of these people are dying to meet new people. This is especially true if you live near a college or if you are in college.

Add 25 girls a day to you profile. Remember that many of these girls won’t come, so you need to add tons in this beginning stage. After adding a ton of girls, you are bound to start adding their friends, so they will think that you already know them or have some affiliation with their social circle at least. Once you create your party event and guest list, the girls will see the list and assume that you know all the girls already and think, “This guy is probably cool, he seems to know my friends… maybe I met him at some point,” and she will be much more likely to come to your party.

When adding new people, I have found that about 1 out of every 100 girls will message me asking if they know me. You can either ignore them or tell them that you think you met her at some place. Bottom line, at this stage you are in it for the numbers, so it really doesn’t matter.

Continue to build your online social network every day for at least a month (and afterward, whenever you feel like it).

The more girls you have, the better.

 

Meeting Women Everywhere and Inviting Them

Once you’ve made up your mind that you’re going to have a party, you might as well invite every hot girl you can meet in your day-to-day life to the party. The worst that could happen is the girl says “no” and you never see her again.

Before I really had momentum behind this whole party lifestyle, I would establish the Facebook event first and wait to see that a good number of people confirmed. After it was definite that I would be having the party, I would start chatting with hot women and inviting them to my party.

These days, I know that if I say a party will happen on a certain date, everyone will show up. Even if it’s raining, snowing, really hot, really cold, etc. In time, you will have that sort of loyalty with your guests and they will show up no matter what the conditions are for your parties.

For that reason, I will typically start inviting hot girls I meet within one week of when I think the party is happening. I will just strike up a friendly conversation with the woman and then at a high point in the conversation (like when she’s laughing at something I said or expressing interest in something about me), I will just throw out something like, “You know what? You should come to my party next Saturday.” Then I’ll drop the subject until the end of the conversation or until she picks it up and starts asking about it. It’s an easy transition into exchanging information at that point and you can let your party do all the gaming for you.

 

Women Travel in Packs

Don’t be afraid to invite her and her friends to your party. Women do not travel alone, they travel with their group – safety is essential to women when they’re going out, especially to meet a man or men they do not yet know well. Generally speaking, hot women will bring good people to your party.

 

Inviting Women to Parties as a Method

Now inviting women to my parties isn’t my only way of meeting women or getting their numbers. I am just highlighting that this is a viable way to meet women with a totally friendly, cool vibe and get their number without having to “game” them or do a bunch of tricks and tactics.

Take note that meeting women through inviting them through parties is quite effective and some guys use this method as their exclusive way to meet and seduce women. Quite successfully, I might add.

In future chapters, we will get into how hosting your own party can be used to your massive advantage in getting women to want you.

 

The Invitation: Getting Hot Women to Come to Your Party

Now that you have a whole list of women you find attractive, it’s time to pitch your offer: the invitation.

In this section, I want to talk to you about different elements that come into play when creating an invitation. The manner in which you invite the people will determine the results you get.

Again, you need to have a profile that puts you in the best possible light. You don’t need to be conventionally attractive, but you do have to appear fun and social.

People who don’t know you are going to see your invitation and think, “Party… I like parties… who’s this guy?” Then they’ll click your profile and as long as your profile puts you in a good light, most of them will come.

You might say, “Really? That easy?” Yes, it is. Most people are bored with their routine and are dying to try something new and meet new people. Multiply that by the feeling that this is a BIG party that EVERYONE is going to and they’ll feel like losers if they don’t go.

Part I: Enticing People to Come to Your Party

There’s a right way to go about inviting people and a wrong way. In terms of an invitation, we want to take some logistical points into consideration as well as some presentation points. Sure, this may seem a little bit like overkill in terms of preparation work, but this book is about maximizing your effectiveness. And speaking to you from the voice of experience, you definitely do not want to half- ass your invitations or you’re in for a pretty sad party.

 

Considerations for Getting Maximum Guests

Timing

Timing of the event is important. If you want a large party, hold them on the weekends. Obvious enough. My experience has been that people will be more apt to come to a party on Saturdays than on Fridays. After a long work week or week of studying at school, it’s much harder to get people out on Fridays. Plus, people generally make plans for their Fridays in advance and have open Saturday nights.

On invitations, I start my parties at 10:30 PM and expect that the guests will actually start pouring in around 11:15 PM. My experience has been that the majority of your guests will show up 45 to 60 minutes after the official “start time” for your party, so keep that in mind.

 

Advance Notice

Let people know several days before you throw your party. If you want to secure their Saturday night, you need to send out invites that Monday. My experience is that Monday is the best day to announce the party since announcing it any earlier runs the risk of the guests forgetting about your party (they’re not thinking about the next weekend yet) and announcing it later runs the risk of your guests already having plans.

 

How to Predict How Many Will Show Up

The next part is really about getting people to the event. A good way to gauge the amount of people that will show up is to figure half the guests that have confirmed and half of the guests that have responded with a “maybe” will actually show up. I have used this formula countless times when throwing a party and it has been pretty accurate every time.

 

Themes

Themes are a great way to get girls to come to your party. Here are some reasons why themes are great:

  •   Themes get people talking. They make your party different from “just another party”.
  •   Themes give girls an excuse to dress slutty, which they secretly love to do.
  •   Themes invest people in your party. It takes planning to come to a theme party and planning equals investment, which equals commitment.

    In Chapter 6, I go into great detail about different themes you can use to your advantage in your party.

 

Part II: Presenting the Invitation Itself

Creating an Irresistible Image

Every party must have a good image. The name of the game is excitement: You want people to be excited about your party.

When creating an event invitation on Facebook, for example, you will do things such as use pictures of hot women partying or participating in the theme of your party, then include enticing descriptions and good directions. The key will be that your party will look so novel and enticing that even women you don’t know will show up just to check it out. After all, from the perception you’ll create, they’ll think you’re the most popular guy in town!

Plus, you’ll get a really good idea of how successful your party will be before you even throw it. I would suggest doing a test run to gauge everything with a public event, where your focus is simply getting a ton of people over and then moving on to trimming the fat and perfecting your clientele (we will discuss this later).

Pictures
Pictures are key. If you are going for a particular theme, I suggest adding pictures within that theme to your Facebook event as a way to build your party’s image and encourage people to come. This will give them the idea that you have done this before and it’s going to kick ass.

For example, if you were throwing a “Pimps and Ho’s” party, you would want to find pictures of guys dressed as “pimps” and girls dressed really provocatively.

Where to Find Pictures
To find these pictures, I suggest searching Google images and downloading good images to a folder on your desktop.

To do this search, click on the “Images” section along on the top menu at Google.com and type in a phrase like “hot girls party” or “party” and run the search. If you are searching for a certain party theme, include this in your search, such as “pimps and hos party”.

Other great sites to search for images are: flickr.com, photobucket.com and random people’s Myspace and Facebook profiles.

Once you’ve collected about ten to fifteen images, choose five of the best ones and upload them to your event.

Types of Images to Use
The best kinds of images show hot women, but do NOT look professional. You want it to look like the type of picture you’d see on someone’s Myspace or Facebook profile. You want it to look as if you snapped this photo at one of your own parties.

Remember, hot girls want to go to parties that they see hot girls going to. Guys want to go to parties they see hot girls going to. But nobody wants to go to a party where they just see a bunch of guys. Avoid sausage-fest imagery and make your images “girl-centric”.

Another type of great image to use is from popular culture, such as movies or celebrities. For example, using images from the movie “Old School” or “Animal House” would be a nice touch to throw in. One or two pop-culture pictures maximum.

Descriptions
A solid description is another great way to get people excited. Your tone should be like the “life of the party”: carefree, fun-loving and exciting. You can and should boldly claim that this is the best party out there.

Make sure you tell everyone the amount you are charging and that you will be providing “a ton” of alcohol. Be specific about having enough beer and having plenty of liquor/jungle juice for girls. In future events, I would even go so far as to tell the guys that if they show up as a big group of drunken guys, they will not be let it.

If you are running a door staff (see Chapter 7), you should include this in the invitation. It will make the girls feel more safe and apt to come.

Directions

This is key: Facebook can be set up with a link to Google Maps for easy access, so people can see the directions to your party easily.

I just enter my address into Google Maps (http://maps.google.com) and once it comes up, there’s a button in the upper right corner of the map labeled “Link”. You simply copy the contents of that link into your party description and your potential guests will be able to click the link and see exactly where your party is on the map.

Also, I highly encourage you add your phone number so that people can contact you if they get lost.

 

Getting Your Guests to Invest

Remember earlier how I said themes are good because it requires your guests to plan and invest energy towards your party? Well this is a great principle in general! If your guests feel like they’ve put some kind of effort or energy into planning to be at your party, it is much less likely that they will blow it off since they wouldn’t want their investment

(be it a costume, a present, a contribution, etc.) to go to waste.

Tip: In the back of your mind, think of ways to get guests to invest in your party so they feel the party is a reward for their efforts, not just another option.

 

Logistics: Planning the Party Itself

This part of the book is going to focus on the logistics of executing the party itself. Listen, I want to really make something clear: Logistics are EVERYTHING in executing a great party.

I know that talking about logistics is nowhere near as exciting as talking about picking up women, but this is really a very valuable section. Why? It’s valuable because bad logistics can flush a lot of good work down the drain. Seriously – you can have a great guest list, great response rate and even a great turn-out and have it all vanish within a moment’s notice by poorly executing the party logistics.

So heed these words well and you’ll never have to worry about your party being a bust.

 

Part I: Alcohol

Having enough alcohol for the party is a must. I have seen countless parties evaporate within a couple minutes the moment that the alcohol is gone. I am not kidding – one minute the house is packed, two minutes later it is empty. It has happened that fast.

Fortunately, I learned the lesson early on to stock up heavily on alcohol when it comes to throwing parties. It is far better to have too much liquor and beer than to have too little.

Now while you want to have a lot of liquor and beer, you don’t want to spend too much money on it. I charge $5 at the door. I hate having to do it, but it allows me to afford the alcohol and pay whoever is watching the door and bouncing (which we’ll talk about later).

Let’s talk about some things to do and things to avoid doing when it comes to purchasing liquor for the party.

Jungle Juice: Definitely have “jungle juice” or punch at your party. Some girls refuse to drink beer, so it’s a huge plus to have something that they’ll actually enjoy. Which brings me to my next note…

Fill up the jungle juice gradually throughout the night: Introduce your hard liquor gradually. When it comes to punch, I learned that it is a much better idea to mix up batches of jungle juice throughout the night instead of making one huge batch at the beginning.

This is because people will practically attack the jungle juice at the beginning no matter how drunk they already are. Jungle juice gets drained very quickly. For that reason, it is much better to make a batch at the beginning and then mix up another batch an hour later, then another batch an hour later.

This gives people a chance to drink gradually rather than binge on hard liquor. That means less of a chance that people will make themselves sick by drinking too much, too fast. And since jungle juice is more expensive than beer, it will ensure that the people are drinking the beer throughout the night, instead of hitting the punch hard in the beginning, draining it and then moving on to beer.

Plus, for the girls that absolutely refuse to drink beer (snotty, I know), it will keep them from leaving if they know that more jungle juice will be mixed up, soon as you get to it. I have used the promise of “making more jungle juice soon” to stretch out the party much longer and keep all the guests.

Tip: As a general rule, guests are more likely to stay when they believe that something great is going to happen in the near future. Nobody wants to miss out. Think of ways that you can use that principle to keep guests staying longer at your parties.

Place your alcohol wisely: Pay attention to where you are putting your liquor / beer / kegs / coolers, etc. Remember, people will generally congregate near the alcohol. It’s just something that people do. So make sure you put the alcohol near where you want people to be.

And make sure the alcohol is accessible – people will drink what is most accessible and visible to them. I remember one party where I had a vat of jungle juice in the entry room and the keg in the back. Everyone ravished the jungle juice and within 5 minutes a half-cooler full of jungle juice was drained completely. Not even the die-hard beer drinkers hit the kegs since the jungle juice was the first thing they saw. Nowadays I put the cooler of juice on one side of the room and the keg on the other. This arrangement works out much better; beer-drinkers go to the keg, non-beer-drinkers hit the juice.

Always have more than enough alcohol: Overstock your alcohol. I’ll go into my guidelines for how much liquor and beer to stock later in this section.

Remember that alcohol is the ultimate excuse for people:

There’s a truth about people: People are always looking for excuses and justifications to act how they really want to act and do what they really want to do. I call this excuse theory and I visit this idea throughout the book.

Because alcohol is seen as the ultimate excuse, people equate the presence of alcohol with the presence of fun and freedom. As long as there is alcohol in the vicinity, there is a possibility that someone will do something worth seeing, talking about, experiencing, etc. But beyond that, as long as there is alcohol, there is the possibility that the guests themselves can act how they want and blame alcohol for it.

This is essential: If you run out of alcohol, everyone will leave your party. I’m telling you – if you run out, your guests will run out of your house. It doesn’t matter if every single one of your guests is drunker than they’ve ever been. If your party goes dry, people will think it’s “all downhill from this point” and they will leave immediately. It’s funny, but when it comes to parties, people really do have a herd mentality.

So no matter what, you have to make sure that you have more than enough liquor. I always have a backup supply of liquor and beer just in case I run out. People need to know that there’s more liquor and beer because in their minds it means that there is still more fun to have.

Guard your keg tap: Make sure you hide your keg tap the moment your keg runs out. Unfortunately, you’ll occasionally have a guest that will steal anything they can if they can get away with it. I didn’t think that a person would steal the keg tap, but it happened. Bye-bye $40 keg tap deposit. So now I always make sure that when the keg runs out, someone grabs the tap and puts it somewhere outside of where the guests have access.

Have your own stash of liquor for your “private party”:

Sometimes you’ll want to isolate a girl or a group of girls to your own space. In this case, you should have your own private stock of good liquor so you can enjoy it with those girls. Really this is just a gimmick – it gives girls the excuse to come up to your room without feeling as though they’re coming up to hook up. Again, girls like excuses since it absolves them from being a slut. After all, they were just joining you because you have good liquor in your room, right?

Avoid cheap vodka: I repeat, avoid cheap vodka. Buy mid- grade vodka – if you have any questions about what’s a decent vodka, ask the people working at the liquor store. Cheap vodka is terrible for a party. Sure, you save $5 on a handle (a 1.75 liter bottle), but you will inevitably have guests puking later on. Nothing kills your chances to score with a girl faster than having one of her friends puking in your bathroom… or worse, her puking on you!

In fact, I would say avoid all types of the cheapest forms of liquor. You can always find good mid-level liquor for only slightly more money.

Avoid mixing hard liquors: Generally speaking, if you mix different liquors in a punch, it is far more likely that your guests will get sick and it is far more likely that it will give everyone a terrible hangover. If you’re making punch with vodka, stick to mainly vodka. If you want to throw in a bottle of Apple and Watermelon Puckers for flavor, it’s not a big deal. What I’m talking about here is to avoid mixing up jungle juice with rum, vodka, tequila and gin, etc. That almost guarantees a barf-fest and it’s just stupid.

I make it a rule for myself to stick to one type of liquor throughout the evening – if I’m drinking rum, I stick to rum. If I’m drinking vodka, I stick to vodka. When I follow this rule, I don’t get a hangover. When I break this rule, I usually do get a hangover and sometimes I even get sick. So speaking from experience, avoid it.

 

Part II: Buying Liquor and Beer the Smart Way

As I said before, you want to make sure you have more than enough alcohol. And you also want to make sure that you do it in the most economical way possible.

First, let’s talk about keg beer. The advantage of buying a keg is that you get a ton of beer for the cheapest price. The disadvantage is that you have to drink all of that beer that night or it’s going to go bad. So you want to make sure there will be enough people at your party to drink all of the keg beer. I’ve seen cheap kegs of crappy beer available for $40, but I generally aim to spend $50-$55 per keg and get something decent like Bud Light or Coors Light. Remember that there are deposits on kegs ($40 is a standard deposit for a keg barrel) and if you don’t own a keg tap, most places will let you borrow one with a $40 deposit as well.

Then there are beer balls (also known as beer spheres). A beer ball holds roughly 55 cans worth of beer and is generally cheaper than buying that amount of beer in cans. With that said, you do need a beer ball tap and, like the keg, you need to make sure everyone drinks all the beer in it or it will go bad. Still, because it is smaller than a keg, you can save an unopened ball if it’s left over.

Finally, there’s straight up cans of beer. Cans of beer are great because any leftover cans can be saved for the next party. However, buying beer in cans is the most expensive way to go and it’s a pain in the ass to pick up all the empty beer cans at the end of the night.

As far as beer goes, you are going to have to make an estimation of how much beer everyone will drink. Here are the figures I use when it comes to purchasing beer and liquor:

200 guests: 2 kegs, 2 beer balls, 4 30-packs of canned beer and a half-filled full-size cooler of jungle juice (equates to 3 handles of vodka mixed with lots of juice)
150 guests: 1 keg, 4 beer balls, 4 30-packs of canned beer and a half-filled full-size cooler of jungle juice (3 handles of vodka/juice)

100 guests: 1 keg, 2 beer balls, 4 30-packs of canned beer and a half-filled full-size cooler of jungle juice (3 handles of vodka/juice)

50 guests: 2 beer balls, 3 30-packs of canned beer and a half- filled full-size cooler of jungle juice (3 handles of vodka/juice)

 

Part III: Protecting Your House/The Venue

Once the party is in motion, you don’t want to be distracted by protecting your house and belongings. In this section, we’re going to talk about preparations you should make so that you don’t have to worry during the party.

At the very least, you should make sure you do the following for every party:

 Container for cigarette butts: At any party, especially at a party where people are drinking, people are going to smoke cigarettes. And where there are smokers, there will be cigarette butts. It’s best to put out at least one container for people to put their cigarettes in. Not everyone will use it, but if you have a container available to smokers you’ll at least cut down on the amount of cigarette butts you’ll need to pick up later. Just make sure you put a little bit of water in the container to douse the cigarettes.

 Lock up your valuables: Whenever you throw a party, it’s important to lock up anything that you don’t want stolen. You can’t keep track of everyone all the time, nor would you want to. Some things to make sure you hide:

o Electronics: MP3 players, Video game systems, laptops, digital cameras, DVDs, cell phones

o Bottles of Alcohol

o Wallets
o Keys
o Money

o Transit Passes

o Jewelry
o Personal documents: credit card statements, cell phone bills, pay stubs, etc.

 Cover your surfaces – You can expect that if there’s a flat surface in your house, a drink will end up on it. One particular surface comes to mind for me as I write about this: I lived in an apartment with a Steinway grand piano in it. By the middle of the party, I would guess there were about 50 cups on the thing. My advice is that you cover any surface that is important to you. Punch has a tendency to stain surfaces, so keep that in mind in the area where you have it. It also doesn’t hurt to have some good surface cleaner on hand in case anything does get stained.

 

Part IV: Setting the Mood – Music and Lights

Now it’s time to set the ambience. It is amazing the effect that lighting and music has on guests at the party. Let’s get right into how to set the mood perfectly for the ideal party situation.

Lighting = Magic

When it comes to lighting, you want it to be dim. When the lighting is dim, people feel less self-conscious. They are more likely to loosen up and have a good time because they feel like they are not “in the spotlight” (literally).

From a psychological standpoint, dim lighting causes people to dilate their pupils. Dilated pupils are a sign of attraction, so it actually causes your guests to feel a higher degree of attraction to the person they are looking at because they unconsciously will pick up this “indicator of interest” and reflect it back.

I highly recommend liberal use of “Christmas lights” to create an excellent dim lighting effect. If you find the appearance of Christmas lights tacky, you can still use them for the lighting effect, but hide them behind something so the actual stream of lights is not seen, but only the glow.

Music: Being an Intelligent DJ

I’ve had people offer to DJ my parties for a fee. I could not think of a bigger waste of money! My MP3 player on shuffle does a fantastic job – why would I pay someone to do what my player does for free?

You can be a fantastic DJ too. Just follow these rules and everyone will love your playlist.

The music you play should be:

  •   Upbeat. Nothing slow – ever.
  •   A mix of modern popular songs and old songs.

    People love old songs that everyone knows. If it’s a song that people know enough to sing along to, that’s a good song to pick.

  •   Lowest common denominator. Put on the songs that the most people will know and at least like, not obscure ones that some will hate and some will like.
  •   Positive, light and fun. Never ever any angry or depressing music.
  •   Appealing to your audience. Put on the music that your “type” of girl likes – doesn’t mean it’s necessarily what you like, but who cares. Party music is to entertain your guests. I mean, I have heard “Pour Some Sugar on Me” and “Summer of ‘69” enough for one lifetime, but the girls always love it so it’s always in the mix. You can play what you like when you’re one-on-one with her.

 Don’t let anyone touch the music. This is just a precaution to make sure nobody steals your MP3 player. I bought a relatively cheap MP3 player to use for parties – I think this reduces chances of people stealing it. Regardless, be mindful of anyone messing with the music since it could be someone attempting to pocket the thing. Make sure your friends know to look out for your player too and you’ll be fine.

Articles, Rapport

How to Build Bullet-Proof Rapport

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The Most Important Social Skill You Can Learn

Learning how to build rapport at will is one of the most rewarding skills you can learn.
When you learn this one little secret (of many more I have in my bag) you will have the power to create real friendships at will. Friendships that rival the strength of the bond between you and your best friend.
No longer will you be left wondering who you can trust and who’s actually talking behind your back.
When you are building rapport at will, you will make others feel as if they had accomplished one of their lifelong goals. Make them feel as if everything they are presently doing with their life is correct, and how they would be dumb if they were living their life any other way. You will be able to make ANYONE truly feel like they are on top of the world, and everything will be ok…

If you do not take the time to learn what I am about to teach you, not only will you create unnecessary animosity with your current friends, but with EVERY new person you meet as well… without even knowing it! Read – awkward moments caused by you!
Once you grasp even the gist of this book, you will start to feel a load lift off your shoulders. You will once again become excited about conversing with people. You will look forward to each and every forthcoming conversation you will have, instead of being nervous as hell.
And if you don’t take the time to learn this vital life skill, you will remain in the clouds whenever you need to meet someone, never quite knowing how your interactions will turn out, leaving them completely to chance… and quite often fail miserably.

The Great Secret of Conversation
Whenever words leave a person’s mouth, unless they are asking a question, or issuing a salutation, they are always, 100% of the time, subconsciously seeking a sign of understanding from the one they spoke to. An understanding of their total body expression including their body language, voice tone, and words.
I discovered this principle while observing all of my naturally gifted socializing friends. I witnessed them talking with experts they had never met before, about
things which they had zero experience with, and every time they would come out of the conversation looking like they knew even more about the subject than the expert! And not in a snooty, “I’m better than you” type way but instead in the, “Wow, you are someone who actually understands why I do what I do” type way (which automatically gets them perceived as anyone’s best friend!)
The last part of the discovery was the most fascinating.
How many times have you demonstrated that you know more than someone else, only to run into feelings of jealousy, denial or hatred toward you? Everyone’s been there.
But this is where I discovered how to do that AND be loved like a best friend!


The 3 Simple Steps to Rapport
So you’re in a conversation with someone and you want to build rapport with them. All there is to it is the following:
1. Listen to what the other person is trying to express by observing their body language, tone of voice, and then finally their words.
2. Gather the total message of what they were trying to express and ask yourself, “What were they trying to get me to understand?”
3. Respond accordingly making sure you demonstrate that you not only heard what they said, but understood it from their perspective as well.

For example – you are a guy talking to a girl you want to get to know better, and she brings up the oh so heated topic of politics. You figure out she leans towards the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of who she supports. And then she opens her mouth and says:
Her: “I hate Obama, I don’t trust the guy. The only reason he won is because he was Black. He isn’t going to follow through on any of the things he says he’s gonna do! Our country is doomed.”
Now let’s say you are Obama’s biggest fan. Pay attention. Even though every fiber of your body wants to put this girl in her place, that is not your goal at this moment.
Your goal is to build rapport with this girl, not to try to reverse her political views.
* Remember, this book and advice is for when you want to build rapport. Chances are, you wouldn’t want to build rapport with someone who so greatly disagrees with your own personal views. But I’m using this as an extreme example to demonstrate how even this scenario can be worked out.

Using just one of my 7 Responses for Rapport – stating an ANALOGY to what she said – you can seamlessly build rapport without sounding like you’re just agreeing with her to get her to like you:
You: “Yeah, it’d be nice if the presidential race wasn’t so much like a student council election. A popularity contest. Obama realistically could have had one of his policies
as “Monkeys will take over and run our banking institution from now on” and still won. People who voted for him would’ve been like, “Monkeys? That’s a good idea, why didn’t I think of that?!”
Rapport built.

You’ve demonstrated that you not only heard what she said, but also clearly under- stood what she was trying to say.
Also, you gave enough evidence backing up what you said in order to not sound like you were just agreeing with her. On top of that, you didn’t even state who you personally supported. It’s still up in the air. Most of the time, the girl won’t even ask you who you voted for in this situation because she’s content with you understanding why she thinks the things she does. Even if it does come up and you tell her you voted for Obama, she will be more open to hearing why you did, since you took the time to understand why she voted for the other guy.

The Easiest Way To Start A Conversation
The last thing I want to have happen is for you to walk away from reading this book and NOT EVEN seeing yourself what I am describing here.
So, if you’re having trouble getting into a conversation with someone, you can see this principle in action just by making off handed comments towards people you pass by.
People don’t need to speak words in order to express something. We as humans are ALWAYS, 100% of the time, expressing SOMETHING. Just because I’m not talking, doesn’t mean I stop thinking. Notice, for example:
• Someone watching the news with a facial expression of disagreement
• Someone trying to wave down a bartender with a frustrated look on their face
• Someone with a blank expression on their face while watching a stand-up comedian

You can practice the principle of this report by shooting a comment towards these people.
For the one watching the news:
“This world is crazy, isn’t it… I don’t think we’ll be seeing the day everything runs smoothly for a while.”
For the one waving down the bartender:
“They expect you to tip them, but are slow as hell. What do they want from us?”
For the one watching the not-so-funny comic:
“I think he made a last minute change where he decided to recite a eulogy instead.”
These all fall into the principle of people just wanting to be understood. Wanting to feel that their thoughts and feelings are in fact, valid.


To know if you’re on the right track, the responses you get will be along the lines of:
• A smile
• Laughter
• Them nodding their head in agreement
• Them firing up a conversation with you
If you are not doing this correctly, you will simply get:
• A blank stare
• A weird look
• Ignorance
• Them firing up a conversation with you about how you’re wrong
The last one is even potentially good! So you really have nothing to lose and everything to gain when you try this out!

“3. Respond accordingly making sure you demonstrate that you not only heard what they said, but understood it from their perspective as well.”
Let’s focus on this last part of the equation for a second…
Once you gather all the information you can muster from listening to the person’s body language, tone of voice, and words, it’s time to put that all together and give them a response that will give them an undeniable feeling of respect, connection, and trust towards you.
The best is yet to come for you!
After you learn the 7 Responses for Rapport you will never run out of things to say, ever! Not only that, but the things you will come up with to say – IN THE MOMENT, will build solid, unbreakable rapport!
Learning how to properly respond to people while conversing will allow you to take control of your conversations and lead them in the direction you want them to go. Gone are the days where talking to people felt like a coin flip where you only hoped the other person would like you and respect you.

When you apply the 7 Responses for Rapport, everyone you talk to will indirectly learn this higher-level of conversing which creates an environment for true friendships to build. Rather than the alternative where conversing with someone usually feels like a battle of who is better than who, staying in a negative environment that represents a me vs. you mentality.
Once you take the time to internalize the 7 Responses For Rapport, you will feel
a quiet sense of confidence when you meet somebody in conversation. Not worrying about which words you will use so you can focus on more important things like what the person in front of you is saying.
If you currently struggle with knowing what to say in conversation and don’t take the time to learn and master these 7 techniques, you will continue to feel insecure, unsure of yourself, and borderline confused while you try to decipher sometimes very frustrating conversations.
Here are the 7 different ways you can respond to someone once you listen to them…


1. Paraphrasing
All these methods are pretty self-explanatory. Paraphrasing is when you simply reiterate what the other person expressed, in your own words. The response can start out with words like, “It’s like…” or “I know…”
Let’s look at some examples…
You are talking to your boss at work about travelling, and he’s telling you a story about his experience checking into his first hotel of the trip.
Your Boss: “So me and my wife go to check into the first hotel we scheduled for our trip. It looked amazing on the internet and the brochure. Little did we know, they were under construction THE WHOLE WEEKEND we stayed there. Not only that, but when we asked to get our room moved, the person at the desk was blatantly rude. He told me we were go- ing to have to deal with it, and that all sales were final.”
Let’s roll through Steps 1 and 2 real quick…


Basically, your boss just expressed:
• He thought his trip was going to be no hassle, no fuss
• He thought the place he was going to stay at was going to be phenomenal
• Then he got a surprise that what he paid for was different than what he’d expected
• Not only that, but when he politely inquired about the misshap, the people working
at the place were even rude to him.
• He wasn’t happy with his experience at that particular hotel – he’s had better, and he
probably won’t be staying there again
I gathered all of this from merely 5 short sentences from this guy. You can too, if you just listen. We are now ready to paraphrase your boss…
You: “Wow, you know, when you book a place and pay them money, all you expect is to get what you thought you paid for. I would understand a slight change from what you expected – not a great view from your room, or different drapes in the room, but a jack- hammer running all day long while you’re trying to sleep in is a whole different story. Not only that, but if you’re going to be rude to me when I bring up one of YOUR short- comings, man, that’s brutal!”


Let’s look at another example…
You’re on a coffee date with someone for the first time. Your date starts to ramble on about a past relationship that’s still running through their mind:
Her: “Yeah, my last relationship was a roller-coaster ride. I don’t know quite how to explain it, but it was like I never really knew if he really liked me sometimes. You know, like one day he would be all sweet and stuff, then the next day he would close off for no reason whatsoever – it was almost like he was in another place mentally.”
Once again, let’s roll through Steps 1 and 2…


What I gathered from this particular girl was:
• Her last relationship was anything but what she imagined an ideal relationship would be like
• She was confused most of the time
• She was unsure of the strength of the relationship most of the time
• She never really fully understood the guy, which might have been one thing that
intrigued her about him in the first place Now to paraphrase:
You: “Yeah, I know what you mean. It was one of those relationships you had that was nothing like you’d imagine an ideal relationship would be. Making you guess all the time, never really knowing if he’s playing hard to get or really has something on his mind. It wouldn’t be surprising if that was one of the reasons why you liked the guy in the first place though.”
And that’s all there is to Paraphrasing – all the information is there for you to create a rapport building response, as long as you listen!

Now I know the sequence might look like a lot to go through.
And you might also be saying to yourself, “And how the heck am I supposed to go
through all of that AND respond in real-time?!”
Trust me when I say that you are capable of going through this sequence at the speed of light. Your brain is more powerful than any supercomputer ever built. The secret to unleashing its power though, is by utilizing it.
So yes, at first you’re going to stumble and be a bit slow, but you will catch on real fast, and going through these steps will become second nature to you. And that my friend, is when the fun begins…


2. Analogies
For each new technique, you run through the same steps while listening to someone. The only difference is how you choose to respond. Stating an analogy instead of paraphrasing works the same way fundamentally. It’s just another tool you can use to break up the monotony of things.
Let’s look at our examples again but this time using the Analogy tool.
Your Boss: “So me and my wife go to check into the first hotel we scheduled for our trip. It looked amazing on the internet and the brochure. Little did we know, they were under construction THE WHOLE WEEKEND we stayed there. Not only that, but when we asked to get our room moved, the person at the desk was blatantly rude. He told me we were go- ing to have to deal with it, and that all sales were final.”

And again, you gather:
• He thought his trip was going to be no hassle, no fuss
• He thought the place he was going to stay at was going to be phenomenal
• Then he got a surprise that what he paid for was different than what he’d expected
• Not only that, but when he politely inquired about the miss-hap, the people working
at the place were even rude to him
• He wasn’t happy with his experience at that particular hotel, he’s had better, and he
probably won’t be staying there again
Your analogy could sound something like this…
You: “Wow, it’s like you thought you were headed to paradise. Then when you got there
it was even worse than where you left from! And then when they were rude to you when you asked them to do something to make your terrible stay better, that’s like you going to a Steakhouse, ordering a steak medium-rare, getting it well-done, then having the waiter tell you to sit down, shut up, and eat your shitty steak! Brutal!”


And for the Coffee Date again:
Her: “Yeah, my last relationship was a roller-coaster ride. I don’t know quite how to explain it, but it was like I never really knew if he really liked me sometimes. You know, like one day he would be all sweet and stuff, then the next day he would close off for no reason whatsoever – it was almost like he was in another place mentally.”
And again, I gathered:
• Her last relationship was anything but what she imagined an ideal relationship would be like
• She was confused most of the time
• She was unsure of the strength of the relationship most of the time
• She never really fully understood the guy, which might have been one thing that
intrigued her about him in the first place


And now for your analogy…
You: “Yeah, you know it’s not exactly how an ideal relationship is supposed to feel like, but you’re magnetically drawn into it regardless. Kind of like how you KNOW drinking, smoking, and eating junk food are all bad for you, but you do them anyways.”
Notice that I executed a paraphrase before I did the analogy. This “sets up” your analogy so it makes even more sense. Try using purely the analogy alone in this particular situation, and you would leave the girl confused, wondering why the heck you said what you said.


3. Inquiring
Sometimes, all the information you need to format a paraphrase or analogy isn’t there. When this happens, merely showing that you want that information is enough to build rapport.
Let’s look at an example.
You’re once again out on a coffee date, with your date taking the current reigns of the conversation. She’s not doing a very good job however, with very short, choppy answers where you can’t grab onto anything.
Her: “I went to school at Florida State. Finished a couple years back.”
Here, paraphrasing would sound weird, and an analogy would be socially dumb.
The move here is to be genuinely curious about her. Genuine curiosity IS genuine interest.


You can prevent anything you do from being weird by presenting people with the reason why you’ve done what you’ve done, and making sure that reason is something that makes sense to them.
You: “Florida state, eh? What did you take there, and even more interesting to me is how was going to school and living in Florida? I bet it sure beats living in Toronto when we have 20ft of snow in the winter!”
Provided this girl sincerely wants to get to know you, this will usually be enough to get her to open up. If she doesn’t want to get to know you, nothing will get her to open up, so get over it and move on to someone else instead.


There’s one more scenario though, she could be someone who wants to get to know you, but is just generally a shy person. In which case she says something like this back to you:
Her: “Yeah, living in Florida was good; it was nice (smiles).”
In this case, it would be worth taking one more stab at the pot. But you will want to refrain from another question or you’ll start to sound like you’re interviewing her and not having anything to say yourself and therefore need to rely on her to take up the bulk of the conversation.
In which case you can roll right into our 4th Response for Rapport…


4. Adding Onto Their Thought/Story
The way this one works is fun. All you do is go through the first 2 steps to gather what they said, and then imagine/pretend like you were the one who said/expressed those things. Then, proceed to “continue” that thought/story as if you just said what the other person said.
Let’s give it a try… You’ve gathered from her that “Living in Florida while in school was good.”
Now just riff on as if you just said that, while making sure you add in the beginning of your sentence something like, “I would have been like” so you don’t sound like a luna- tic.
You: “Yeah, I’d be doing my essays on the beach, sipping on margaritas all day long. Getting my inspiration for papers while I’m surfing a big fat wave, you know.”


Then you can add in another inquiry here to send the ball back to her court…
You: “How distracting was it really to be in a place like that where practically everything and everyone looks good?”
If she drops the ball again here, you’re talking to someone who either doesn’t like you, or someone who is socially inept. I already told you what to do if she doesn’t like you. And I don’t have any advice for talking to someone who is socially inept. I’m no good at it.
Here we start to see the freedom and artsy side of looking at conversations in this way. Once you gather the necessary information during the listening phase, it’s up to you how you want to respond. Sure there are guidelines as I’ve mentioned above, but since everyone is different and have different amounts of knowledge, you could realistically “inquire” every time someone says something to you. You are never going to know everything someone says to you, so as long as it is a sincere inquiry, it’ll come across as a rapport building move.


5. Finishing their thoughts/stories/sentences
We now get into the more advanced techniques. By more advanced, I merely mean that it’ll take some minor judgment in order to pull these off with finesse. Not to worry though, you’ll get the hang of anything you try a dozen times or so.
Finishing someone else’s sentence before they do will garner you some of your most powerful moments of rapport – when done correctly.
The sequence of how this is done will require you to be able to run through Steps 1 and 2 of the 3 Steps to Rapport ultra fast!
What do I mean by that? You’re going to need to be able to gather what the person is trying to express before they finish expressing it with their words, AND THEN simply saying it once you figure it out before they do.
Doing this technique successfully will give the person speaking to you a guaranteed sense that you are not only listening to them, but are actively in the conversation, rather than a passively listening.
This is definitely one technique that you don’t want to overuse. Using it too much can easily turn you into the most annoying person in the world.


Your goal is not to cut them off, that’s just annoying. It’s more of a, “You can’t contain your excitement cause you know how the story is going to end” type deal.
Let’s look at an example…
You’ve finally got your coffee date talking about her experience going to school at Flori- da State. You are bantering back and forth using Paraphrasing, Analogies, Inquiring and even Adding onto the end of her thoughts and stories.
You’re in the zone, and slowly becoming able to pick up what she’s going to say even before she says it! So, you catch her in the middle of saying…
Her: “Oh yeah, the social scene was incredible down there! It literally is like what they portray in CSI:Miami when you’re in the right social circle! The worst part though, is when it’s a perfect day outside, and you have a ton…”
Here, you’ve already gathered:
• Where she went to school is paradise
• Just like it looks on TV
• Too many things to do, too little time
And then you’re following her next thought in real-time. How “The worst part though…”


Gathering the information thus far is the hard part, the rest is easy. Anyone can fill in the blank if you showed them the above sequence. How would YOU complete that sen- tence if you were the one who started it? Here’s what I’d say:
You: “Having a ton of work to do that day, 4 exams next week, and 2 Interviews at For- tune 500 companies, and all you want to do is lay on the beach and drink Daiquiris all day long. Yeah, I can imagine.”
The beauty of this technique (when used sparingly) is that even if you’re wrong, the other person will simply correct you. They won’t punish you for cutting them off because they realize that you are genuinely listening to them.
If you use this technique too often however, you will start to come across as someone who is merely trying to get them to finish speaking. Cleary demonstrating that you don’t care whatsoever about what they have to say. Rapport NOT built!
You have probably already experienced this technique during high points of your con- versations while hanging out with your best friends. Trading stories together, when at some points in conversation, everyone knows where the story is going, even what the climax is. But in an excited way, rather than a “I’ve heard this before” type way.


6. Laughter
This is by the far the easiest to execute. Easiest to execute, but hardest to learn if you don’t already have a great sense of humor.
Personally, I find many things funny. More than the average person. This gives me a distinct advantage when I speak to someone who thinks they are funny. All I have to do is laugh when I sense they’re trying to tell me a joke.
Whenever someone attempts to say something funny, the principle is that they want to see someone understand what they are trying to express.
Have you ever tried to say something funny, only for everyone to look at you with a blank stare? How did that make you feel? If you’re anything like me, you kind of wished you said something else some of those times…


Well, if you’re at all proficient at the first 2 Steps of the 3 Steps to Rapport, you will be able to pick up on someone trying to say something funny. The dead give-away is to see if they’re smiling while interracting with you. Then all you have to do is smile back, and when they give you the punch-line… well, HOPEFULLY you will feel like laughing.
By no means am I advocating fake laughter. That would be a disaster.
What I am advocating is for you to keep paying attention to what they’re trying to express at their core, in real-time. You will start to see the world through the eyes
of the other person. You will start to think how they’re thinking, therefore, feel what they’re feeling.
DO NOT merely physically mirror their body language and facial expressions. This only works if you are in alignment with their thoughts and feelings FIRST.


7. Disagreeing Jokingly
This is definitely my favorite of the 7 techniques to utilize when the time is right. Knowing how to disagree jokingly accomplishes 3 things when done correctly:
1. Subtly tests to see if the other person has a sense of humor
2. If they do have a sense of humor, it establishes that you were in fact listening and
“get” what they were trying to say, so therefore
3. Builds rapport
When everything comes together for you, the 3 Steps to Rapport and the 7 Respons- es for Rapport, you will be capable of “getting fancy” with your responses. That is the best way to describe this last of the 7 Responses for Rapport.
Basically, how this works is:
• Run through Steps 1 and 2 of the 3 Steps to Rapport
• Instead of responding in a way that directly demonstrates that you agree and/or
understand the other party, you say something that “on the surface” sounds like you blatantly disagree with the stance they have on what they said, and maybe exaggerated a bit for effect
Let’s look at an example, shall we?


Let’s go back and take another look at one of the previous examples:
Her: “Oh yeah, the social scene was incredible down there! It literally is like what they portray in CSI:Miami when you’re in the right social circle! The worst part though, is when it’s a perfect day outside, and I’d have a ton of work to do! The last thing I want to do is waste a perfect day and study!”
This time you let her finish her own sentence. But instead of going along with what she says like this, for example:
You: “Wow, I’d never be able to concentrate in a setting like that! I’d definitely be shoot- ing a round of golf 5 days a week and learning how to surf the whole time.”
You instead opt to disagree with her jokingly:
You: “Really? You get distracted by silly things like that? I can already tell you’re not a person who can put their priorities in order. You know hun, buckling down is something you’re going to need to learn how to do.”


This is delivered with a straight and serious facial expression. Then pause for one second to take in her physical reaction to your response. Depending on the girl, you’ll get a variety of different responses. But for simplicity sake, let’s look at the two extreme reactions you might get.
Most socially adept individuals will catch on to what you are doing provided the conversation has been going well thus far, and you will simply share a laugh.
Some people are not so quick and 100% sure of themselves, or haven’t quite figured
out if you like them yet. When this is the case, you will notice a moment of shock in their facial expression, wondering if what they just said is something they’d like to take back.
But don’t you worry about them, because at this point, you will break into a sincere ear to ear smile, since it’s pretty funny when you temporarily lead someone in the wrong direction, especially when they had no idea that whole time about what you were up to.


Go Out And Use This Information Today!
And there they are – my 7 personal ways of responding when I am spoken to. My 7 Responses for Rapport:
1. Paraphrasing
2. Analogies
3. Inquiries
4. Adding Onto Their Thought/Story
5. Finishing their thoughts/stories/sentences 6. Laughter
7. Disagreeing Jokingly


Are these the ONLY 7 ways you can respond? Of course not.
But they are 7 ways that work to build rapport for you.
Practice the first 3 at first to get the hang of things. Even when you’re ready to try the more advanced techniques, (Finishing their sentences, Laughter, Disagreeing Jokingly, Adding to their story) you MUST execute a string of Paraphrasing, Analogies, and Inquiries FIRST in order for the advanced techniques to work most effectively.
You’ll see why with experience.
Final Thoughts
Remember, these techniques are for when you actually want to build rapport with someone. They are no use for when you are speaking to someone you don’t care about.
And another reminder, for when you want to build rapport with someone:
“Building rapport is your first priority. Not looking like you’re better than them.”


The Benefits You Will Reap
Once you get the hang of building rapport at will, you will start to notice how everyone you meet warms up to you faster than ever. Not only that, but they start to treat you like their best friend, within minutes of talking with them! You are going to get invites out to places you’ve never even heard of. Not only will people stay out of your way, they will open doors for you. You will begin to truly see why it’s who you know, rather than what you know.
Where and When To Apply Your New Skill
You can start to apply the ideas from this book in your own life whenever you talk to anyone. Whatever the conversation you’re having is, 10% of it will be business, and the other 90% is all fluff. Use what you’ve learned and apply it in that 90% of fluff.
Even if you’re walking into your boss’ office to ask for a raise, you don’t walk in there with “Hey boss, give me a raise.”
No. You walk in there and say, “Hey Boss, how’s it goin’? Any plans for the summer yet?” Then you run through the 3 steps to Rapport we’ve gone through already after you gather his/her answer.
It really is this simple!


When To Hold Back
I want to take a minute here to mention where the advice in this report does not apply.
If you’re interacting with someone who you do not have any interest in getting to know, and they are extremely rude, don’t worry about building rapport with them.
If you’re talking to someone who isn’t listening to anything you’re saying anyway, us- ing these techniques would be a waste. Blatantly disagree with such a person to snap them out of their own head.
What All This Means…
Which brings me to my last point, is that there’s no use in talking with someone who does not listen to you. The whole goal of being a good conversationalist is to be heard. The prep work for making the other person open to being influenced by what you have to say far outweighs the time you need in order to speak to them. Most of the time, you won’t even feel the need to exercise your level of influence on somebody, simply because, you don’t need everyone to listen to what you have to say.


If I had to sum up what the whole picture looks like, think of meeting people like you would a soccer game – yes, the main goal of the game is to score more goals than the other team. And to be fair, that is the only measure of the success of a given team. But even knowing that, when any given player on the team gets the ball, do they automatically make a bee-line toward the opposing net and try to score?
Absolutely not. They prep to get the BEST shot possible. They pass it around, make runs, and create faints.
Take this analogy one step further, and rewind to before the game. While the players are in the gym or on the field practicing, they are doing this ALL to prepare for that ONE MOMENT where ONE of the players will shoot the ball on net and score.
You see how preparation strongly out-weighs the moment of success?
Take this analogy with you the next time you are speaking to a member of the opposite sex. The moment you’re in with them will rarely be a moment which determines the fate of your relationship with them. So relax, and make them feel amazing about themselves. For when the time comes for you to take it to the next level, they will be prepared for it.


Five Days to Discovering Your Hidden Social Skills
Here’s what I want you to do for the next 5 days to implement this report, so you can see for yourself the power of not blatantly breaking rapport.
1. Call up a friend, get together with someone for a drink, or start a conversation at work with a co-worker (at least once a day) strictly for the purpose of you trying out what you’ve learned here in this report.
2. Bring up a controversial topic, like politics, sports, religion, work, life, family, friends, relationships etc.
3. Get the other person to input a big opinion about the topic by either asking them what they think, or stating your own strong views on the subject at hand.
4. Run through the 3 steps to rapport as we’ve gone through them above:


• Listen to what the other person is trying to express by observing their body language, tone of voice, and then finally their words.
• Gather the total message of what they were trying to express and ask yourself, “What were they trying to get me to understand?”
• Respond accordingly making sure you demonstrate that you not only heard what they said, but understood it from their perspective.

Articles, Inner Game

Building Inner Strength & Inner Game

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I know that most of you just want to learn what to say, in other words, “the lines”. I don’t blame you at all, I was the same as you when I first started out. You want to know what happened several years later?

I sat down and told myself “If only I just build up myself first, things would have been so much easier for me…” So save yourself a lot of time and read and understand this section first before you go onto the next one.

A lot of successful guys, I know, have one thing in common. This is the one thing that fuels them day in and day out. It’s that bright light at the end of the tunnel. It’s the driving force behind all their successes.

I’ve tried to put my finger on it in the past but it took me quite sometime to figure out what it was. I used to think to myself, “What does this guy have that I don’t, I mean, we both have charismatic personalities and great sense of style. There’s something about him that makes him complete as a person.”

I really thought I would never figure it out… Until this one day came.

My friend and I were just chatting about life. I hadn’t seen him in years because he was stationed in Iraq. I admired this guy for his strength and courage. I always wondered how he was able to do it.

So to make a long story short I asked him “It takes a lot of guts to do what you did. How were you able to handle it? Back in those days when you were stationed in Iraq, what were you thinking of?”

He replied:

“All those days I spent there just help built me up as a person. Most people probably hated being there, I just accepted it. I knew there would be a lot of people who’d be negative about the experience. I had that choice. I had two choices: should I go through all of this hardship, be negative all the time, and be the same person I was to begin with? Or should I just barrel through this period with my head held up high, cherish every moment of my journey, and end up to be a better person? I chose the latter. I just knew that I had it in me to succeed beyond a shadow of a doubt. Failure just wasn’t an option for me.”

I suddenly had one of those “Light bulb popping up in your head” moments. These moments don’t come to me that often but whenever they do, they always hit me hard over the head.

You’ve Been Programmed to Fail with Women and You Probably Don’t Even Know It!

We all walk through this world with our beliefs. These beliefs have been integrated into our being, probably since we were little kids. What we believe in is a product of the things we were exposed to all our lives. There are a lot of factors that have molded us to be the person we are today. Examples of such factors are

FRIENDS
FAMILY
SCHOOL SYSTEM SOCIETY
MEDIA CULTURE ENVIRONMENT

WOOOOWW! That’s a lot of factors influencing us. Sad to say, we’ve been programmed like robots to act in a self-sabotaging way toward women.

Let’s start out with media and advertising.
Love makes the world go round and money keeps it spinning…

For the most part, we live in a society that’s driven by money, power, or fame. The ones on the top set the rules so that everyone can follow. Not only that, they set the standard of what is cool, attractive, and desirable.

Let’s take on the subject of appearance.

Contrary to popular belief, appearance isn’t everything. You can still get laid even if you do not look like the guy from the cover of a fashion magazine. You can get a girl even if you’re not rich, not well built, or not tall. You can make a beautiful girl with an outstanding personality fall for you regardless of your race!

All of this may be hard to comprehend but it will make sense to you in a minute. Let’s take a good look at magazines for a second. This is true for both men and women alike.



Who do you see on the covers of popular magazines? I’m sure you all know the answer to this one:

Celebrities
Attractive and fit people
Rich people
And everything else I forgot to mention

Am I the only one that sees what’s going on here?

Where can you find the hottest men and women? Usually on the front of
a magazine, where there sculpted bodies are exposed and their stunning facial features modified to intimidate almost anyone.

The average girl would think “That’s the girl that everyone in my school thinks is hot! She’s skinny and she wears (Insert brand name of clothing here), I need to buy everything she has and be like her so I can be hot too…”

Same thing for a guy “Oh, that guy has the hottest girl I’ve ever seen. He’s rich, tall, famous… He even has the fastest car around, he has this sick ass watch, and…”

To make the long story short, both the man and woman in this example end up concluding

“In order to be desirable, cool, and up to date I need to have this, be this, and join this…”

And whoever said advertising wasn’t effective? What actually happened was that the media brainwashed people into thinking that they need all of this in order to be cool.

The truth is… YOU DON’T

Yeah being rich, tall, famous helps but it’s not the only way. Anyone armed with the techniques and philosophies I’ll discuss in this book can attract the kind of woman that’s usually reserved for the good looking, famous, and rich!

IT’S TIME TO RE-PROGRAM YOURSELF TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!

Have you ever heard of the saying perception is reality? Your thoughts become your words.
Your words become your actions.
Your belief becomes who you are.

What if I told you that everything that you believe in, only if you really really believed in it, becomes who you are? Would you believe me?

You better, because by reframing some self-sabotaging beliefs, you too can be successful with women. This is where everyone should start regardless of their goal.

What if you can reprogram your entire self, so you can move through the world naturally attracting people in your life?

Before I hear any objections, you’re not going to be someone you’re not. You’re just going to be a better version of yourself.

You have to live up to your full potential. It makes me sad to see all the guys out there that are still walking through life brainwashed by society. If only I could snap them out of their trance… but then again, that would be too idealistic
of me.

Alright, back to my story.

After I talked to the guy and realized everything I just told you, my whole world changed, literally before my very own eyes. I adopted bits and pieces of his philosophy in life, and went on a journey to seek the truth. Ever since then I began seeing some amazing results from all the interactions, struggles, and relationships that I’ve had.

And that’s when it occurred to me that…

YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE!

I’ve learned a couple of lessons that I will be sharing with you. These have been very useful for me and hopefully will be for you.

Change will not occur overnight, but the sooner you start believing, the faster you’ll get to your destination. I’m just sharing with you everything that’s worked for me and the thousands of guys I’ve trained after I discovered everything I’m about to share with you.

Here’s how this works. I’ll be discussing 8 Inner Strength Lessons that I’ve found to be very useful in my journey. For the next 30 days, I want you to go over this chapter again and again. Don’t stop reading until you start practicing and believing the 8 Inner Strength Lessons. I will also provide you with exercises so your belief is reinforced with real world results.



INNER STRENGTH LESSON : MY PRESENCE ALONE IS VALUABLE TO OTHERS

Have you ever had the feeling that you’re not worthy to even talk to someone?

Have you ever hesitated to approach a woman just because you had that damn “Why should she even talk to me? I’m not her type… and besides, I don’t know what to say” speech playing in your head?

Let me ask you this, how can you be so sure she thinks that way if you haven’t even approached her yet?

Okay, but I’ve approached girls in the past and they’ve shot me down more times than I can think of…

Just because you had one bad meal in your life doesn’t mean you should stop eating right? Every girl is different. Every situation is different. If you believe that everything you say or do is valuable, then it will be valuable to others.

Starting now, I want you to believe that your presence alone is valuable to others.

I’m sure there’s a time in the past when you were yourself and everyone just loved you. The time when, all of a sudden, people were hanging off every word you said. The time when you were relaxed and comfortable with yourself.

TRY THIS OUT

I want you to start looking back and remember the times where you were indeed valuable to other people. I want you to remember the times when you made several people feel good about themselves.

Got that memory? How does it make you feel?

Have you ever surprised someone with something really special before? What did you feel like before you gave it to them? Felt good didn’t it? That’s how you should feel before talking to anyone. You’re doing them a favor by talking to them.

Try this out, next time before you talk to someone, imagine that you’re about to give them a million bucks in the next five minutes, how does that change the way you act toward them? Try it out.



INNER STRENGTH LESSON : TAKE WHAT’S YOURS! NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR WHO YOU ARE AND THE THINGS YOU DO! YOU ARE YOUR OWN BOSS!

There’s one thing that you will realize later on…

You can do anything you want, whenever you want, wherever you want. And you can get away with it.

Once again, we’ve been programmed by society to look up to others for “permission” to do something we want to do.

Remember the time when you were in grade school? You had to ask permission every single time you went for a trip to the rest room. Well, by the time you got to college, you just probably stood up and went straight for the rest room didn’t you?

Another example is the very famous Bill Gates. Do you think he ever asked permission if he could start up a business and drop out of school as it took off? Nope, he just had a plan, executed it, and never looked back.

So what do you want to do? What’s stopping you?

You are your own boss. You have permission to go after the things you want
in life. You have permission to be the best that you can be. And you have permission to date any girl you want regardless of what anyone says. You have permission to change your beliefs.

I want you to live life like you own the world. Everything is yours. You do not need anyone’s approval before you do something. You do not need permission to dress in a certain way. You already have it in you.

It’s about time to free yourself from the prison that your mind is in. Here are some tips you can start integrating in your life:

  • It’s always better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Next time you go out to the malls and you see a bench with an open spot, just go ahead and sit down. Don’t ask anyone for permission just do it.
  • Make your own decision and take your own stand. Don’t wait for others to tell you what to do. Don’t look for others to make decisions for you. You can do them yourself. Always voice out your opinions. Don’t be afraid
    to state your opinions just because someone else thinks otherwise. Don’t be afraid to spark tension. Always say what’s on your mind, if you don’t agree with someone simply say “I disagree” and leave it at that.
  • Learn how to say “No”. It’s hard to get used to saying “no” but you
    have to give it a shot. Just try saying it. It’s not that bad. You’ll notice
    that people will begin to respect you more because you’re upfront.
    You wouldn’t want to be known as the “yes” man. If it’s reasonable and you’re up for it then say “yes”. If it will compromise you or for some reason you just don’t feel comfortable with it then say “no”.
  • I’m not trying to impress you. This boils down to being who you are despite what other people think. Don’t ever change just because someone else wants you to. Don’t be ashamed of your past, background, or status. Be proud, stand tall, and don’t bow down to someone just because you perceive them as being better than you. One motto you can use is “I’m not trying to impress you… And you sure have to do more than that to impress me”.TRY THIS OUTLet’s start out with simple exercises. The next time you’re about to line up, and someone gets there the same time you did, don’t hesitate to just smile and take the spot first.

    When you’re at a party and someone asks: “Who wants such and such drinks” Don’t hesitate to raise your hand first and say “Over here”.

    Wear an outrageous piece of clothing and when someone give you a hard time about it just smile and say “Thank you”.

Articles, Social Circle Game

How to Get into Any House Party: The Tactical Guide to Never Being Turned Away at The Door

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Parties can be like exclusive clubs, but even worse as far as getting in (at times). Usually, they are invite-only, so sometimes if you don’t know anyone, you are not getting in unless you have a few tricks up your sleeve. The goal of this eBook is to create an “in” without you having to know anyone at the party and without being invited. Using what you will learn in this eBook, you will be able to talk and persuade your way into any party. If you see a party going on you will almost always be able to walk over and talk your way in using these principles and tactics.

 

Scale Entry

As with anything, some ways to achieve your goal are easier than other ways. For example, getting yourself into a party with a group of guys is way harder than doing it alone. Think about how you would perceive a bunch of strangers coming to your party. All these techniques in this book will work, but it is way harder the more guys you have with you. Coming in a large group of guys might make it almost impossible until you can convince the hosts of your potential value in some situations.

This list should give you an idea of the difficulty scale. 1 being easiest to get in and 11 being the hardest to gain entry.

1. You and a lot of hot girls
2. You and a few hot girls
3. You and a lot of normal girls
4. You and a few normal Girls
5. You and one other guy and a lot of girls
6. You and one Girl
7. You and one other guy and 3 or more girls 8. You alone
9. You and one other guy and 2 girls
10. You and one other guy
11. You and a few other guys

Think in terms of the more girls you’re with, the easier it will be to get whatever you want. The more guys you have with you, the more girls you need to outweigh the guys.

Bottom line: If you can, bring girls!

Girls are like social currency. The more you have the better. The hotter they are the better.

First off, they don’t have to be super-hot or anything, but bringing a lot of girls will always get you in wherever you want to go. I know this is not always a viable option for people starting out, but it is certainly the easiest way short of knowing the host personally and being invited.

If you can’t bring girls move onto this method:

 

Un-reactive Power Assault

This is a progressive method where the more you get into this method, the more volatile the situation can become. The underlying frame is to really be completely un-reactive to whatever anyone is saying and continue to be really nice. Let your niceness shine through. I like to think of it as aggressive niceness. This is done by always acknowledging any objections you are getting and then continue talking about what you want and offering value. We’ll discuss this in a moment, once I’ve laid down some concepts to use within the technique.

 

The Name Game

The first step is to always try to get a name. A name is a powerful tool. Once you have the hosts name or one of the host’s friend’s names, you can drop it at anytime and leverage it to your advantage. Names are powerful, get them from whoever is barring your way and introduce yourself and use their name in conversation.

Dropping a name during the chaos of a party to anyone holding any gate or door will usually get you past them. They assume that you know whoever you are talking about and let you through. A great trick to start off, if you don’t have the host’s name use a random name to pretend you are already invited by someone else. You can use a random name and the doorman is left with an awkward social silence after you drop a random name may volunteer the name of someone else in the party that might know your imaginary person that “invited” you. You can capitalize on this and agree with them. This will get you in sometimes.

While you are having a conversation with anyone, make sure to get their name. Now you have a real name to use with anyone else that may be working the door later or being some type of gate-keeper and just use this new name to leverage what you want. Just use their name with people and instantly the gate keeper will think you are a good buddy of his friend. This will entitle you to first class treatment all the way.

If the name game doesn’t get you in to the party, then it’s time to amp it up to the next level.

 

Neighbor comment

If you’re not comfortable with pretending to be invited or if it didn’t get you in at first, the next easiest way to get into any party is to be their neighbor. The best thing about this is you can completely make it up, although sometimes you will get “shit-tested” on it, so make sure you know the quirks of the immediate surrounding area. Even if you don’t live in the area, you can tell them you live across the hall or next door or right nearby down the street. Use real street names and numbers of the surrounding area.

The important points of this are that you should make your story believable. Take a minute to familiarize yourself with the area as far as what the apartment is called or what street you are on. When doing this be as specific as possible.

Whoever is hosting the party will want to keep their neighbors happy. Having a party is a delicate balance with keeping your guests and neighbors happy. Unhappy neighbors lead to police being called and parties getting broken up. It is in the host’s best interest to let you in because then it’s one less neighbor he has to worry about.

Make sure to get the name of whoever you are talking to as soon as you can so you can use it with someone else if necessary. If at first the neighbor option doesn’t work, move on to the next step which I like to call aggressive niceness.

 

Aggressive Niceness

If everything else has failed, you are going to have to plow your way in. This is done by constantly offering value while holding your non-reactive frame and acknowledging their disagreements or ignoring them. If you’re talking to a guy that is holding the door and he won’t let you in, start the plowing by telling him you know how hard hosting parties are. Tell him he is doing a good job and then segue way into the fact that you throw parties like this all the time and he should come to one of your parties sometime. If that goes over well get his contact information to solidify the fact that you are going to invite him next weekend to your party. Even if you’re never going to have a party, now he can’t help but feel bad if he didn’t want to let you in before. Now he most certainly will – it’s not always right away, you might need to stick it out and keep pulling him back into a conversation, but if once you’re at this point it’s just a matter of time before he lets you through.

If that doesn’t work you need to amp up the plowing. To get your way you must focus on talking to the guy until he cracks. Just talk to him about anything. Connect with him and figure out his deal so you can offer him some sort of value. If he starts apologizing that he can’t let you in, then you are on the right track. Just tell him it’s okay, you know he is just doing his job and then immediately change the subject and keep talking. This may happen periodically, but don’t give up. He is going to be busy trying to guard the door, but you continually talk to him; think in terms of forcing rapport.

You must continue to blindly talk to him even if he isn’t responding much because he will be trying to deal with people who are coming in. It can help to believe that he really wants to be your friend and that he likes you, but he’s just a little caught up in the moment and you’re being understanding of that. In fact, imagine that even though he is a little overwhelmed at the moment, he is glad that you are there and sees you as an ally.

Continue talking to him in an extremely nice but persistent way. For instance, if he is telling you have to go but he isn’t angry you can just say OK and agree with him, then continue to force your rapport on him. If he is getting angry, you did something wrong. Remember, no reactiveness and no resistance. It’s all good.

If you keep forcing rapport with him while he is dealing with other people trying to come in, he will crack and eventually get fed up with trying to do too much at once and let you in or you will actually connect on something and he will then let you in. Finally, if he is still not giving in he will give you some sort of information you can start using to get in. He will verbalize his reason for not letting you in and you can just provide whatever he wants. Remember: Do this in a positive, nice but firm way and you will always get in.

Example:

Time for aggressive niceness.

Now in the New York City they seem to have some weird rules about not pouring your own drinks at a table because it is low class, so I start hammering in on the guy I like to call the drink-pouring guy.

He is basically the guardian of the table. He thinks he is a party architect or something when really he is just partners with the promoter. They don’t like to be called promoters, they like to be called party designers. They are just promoters bringing in a lot of girls and the club pays for the girls to drink and the promoter gets a cut.

I used to think that being a promoter would be a good job, but after watching this guy being so frazzled and running back and forth to the front door I have since changed my mind. I think I would rather just bring girls with me than ‘design a party’ at a club and be the girl’s “drink-pouring-bitch” all night.

This drink-pouring guy thinks he’s king of the world because he has the table, the drinks, and the girls. I don’t think he really likes me or anyone. He’s off on his cloud of being an important drink-pouring douche bag and worrying about all his girls. Matter of fact, it seems like he’s deliberately trying to not pay attention to me, but I want my free drinks all night so I’m going to get him to realize that I am someone he should be sucking up as well.

I have a real hard time distilling what I do, but Edge tells me that basically the technique I use to turn any bouncer, rude guy, or club owner is: Basically I just acknowledge whatever they are doing and then basically just repeat what I want while spoutin absurd amounts of value at them. Spouting value is basically a way of communicating that you’re a “somebody” in the world that concerns them and you would be good to know – at the same time, it is not bragging. It is more like just matter-of-fact communication about what you do and your lifestyle, but mentioned as a tangent to the subject at hand.

Edge has pointed out to me that sometimes I will start spouting value by first commenting on what they’re doing, complimenting them on how they’re doing it, demonstrating that I have an understanding of what they have to put up with and then talking about a similar situation I have to deal with in my own situation (which implies the lifestyle and connections that I have that may be valuable to them.)

This leads me to Aggressive Niceness. (This works on all bouncers and douche bag types that think they are important.)

I accomplish this by just talking about how amazing whatever he is doing is. Now at first he thinks I am just a random douche supplicating to get stuff from him, but the trick is how you do it. Extremely Aggressively. Every time I finish a sentence he turns away to talk to a girl and I tapped him on the arm hard, so he returns his focus to me. Eventually after about three minutes of this aggressive back and forth, he lets something slip about him being into designing stuff about fashion. He thinks he will get me to further supplicate to him about how great he is. Now this is where I shit all over his life.

It’s very subtle, but extremely powerful. I maintain the frame that he is awesome, but I super beta him by telling him about how I am into fashion and that I have this great thing going and give him my card and ask for his. (He doesn’t have one, so I am laughing inside that he is full of shit and I am what he wants to become.)

Basically I give props to him aggressively to maintain his constant focus on me. This builds compliance until he gives me something useful. He verbalizes what he wants or what I should be to live up to his standards whereby I steal all the coolness I just gave him by providing information that I have already accomplished whatever he wants or that I am someone who knows how to get whatever he wants or that I far surpass the quality to whatever he was internally objecting to. (This is a tricky way of always getting what you want from an aggressive douche bag type.)

He invites us to the table. All in all, I think it’s a good deal. We’re getting free drinks and surrounded by girls all night. Now that we are in, it’s game over. Social proof is an extremely powerful tool. I am sitting there at a table surrounded by 15 to 20 hot girls and getting IOI’s from everyone in the club. The more girls you are with, the more you just seem to get what you want without much effort.

At this point, surrounded by women, I feel that I don’t even need any game which frees me up to game even more. It’s a funny little nuance of game, but it holds true. I talk to every girl at the table and establish that I am basically one of their group now. I have attraction handled just through pre-selection alone and every girl that I talk to wants to talk to me.

I direct my attention to the two hottest girls in the club. It seems like shooting fish in a barrel. It’s very crowded, but most of the girls seem to just pop up right outside of our large group of girls. I wish I could remember specifically what I said, but once I have a fair amount of attraction I basically just switch it up from qualification to comfort. It was more gaming without game. Everyone I talked to opens right up because they see me as the only guy at the one table filled with girls and these two women are no different.

Turns out they are both models for some high-end boutique in the city. They are actually really interesting to talk to (and people say New Yorker’s are unfriendly).

I move them back to my newly acquired entourage of girls and introduce them to everyone. This works amazingly, spiking my pre-selection and social proof through the roof. At this point, I am getting hammered with all the free drinks Mr. Drink-Pourer is giving me.

This is just a short example of how using aggressive niceness works. Just make sure to be aggressively nice and you will get your way. Remember nice.

Articles, Social Circle Game

8 Ways to Become The Coolest Guy at Parties

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Parties are probably the easiest venue on the planet to get preferential treatment at. Unlike other venues, the host of the party is usually always accessible. If you can find the host, then it is really easy to connect with them and get special treatment. Once you are at the party, your first goal is to get the hosts name or at the very least someone in his inner circle. Names are powerful and you can use them to leverage free stuff and access. Granted, none of the things we go over in this PDF are required for gaming at a party, but they can really skyrocket your results to the next level.

Gaming without “traditional game” will require manipulation of social proof. Being one of the host’s VIPs will definitely help you out.

Becoming the VIP everyone wants to talk to.

This is a two step process. If it’s not your party, then you are going to have to do a little more work. Step one is to get really friendly with the host or at the very least someone who will introduce you to other people at the party. You want to connect with as many people in the party as possible – guys and girls. This will give you leverage over other casual guests and will give you an “in” with the regulars of the social group.

Getting in good with any host is really quite easy once you identify who the host is. If you’re going to a busy party, you can find out easily by just asking who lives here repeatedly and loudly. Then when you get someone to reply go straight up and introduce yourself. Being nice goes a long way and complimenting them on their great party will score you instant points.

Everyone responds to value, so you can do a few things. Introduce them to all the girls you brought and if the host is a guy he will bend over backward to help you out if he thinks you are a connection for girls. If you don’t have that option yet and you’re still in the process of building your social circle, then go the connection route.

You can praise their party and connect with them about how you have parties too. Just briefly talk about some of the troubles of throwing a party or a BBQ to pace what’s going on because if you are a host, then you have tons of things to do.
After connecting briefly invite them to your next party. Come from the frame that you know being a host is hard, but despite it all they are doing a great job. Demonstrate that you know what he is going through and complement them on it. Then offer value by talking about your parties and inviting them. This makes them think that they are doing things right even though hosting is a lot of work it’s worth it because now they just met someone like them that does the same thing and maybe next week they can come to your party.

You can take it a step further by asking him if there is anything you can do for him and help him out if he needs it. Common courtesy and showing empathy goes a long way and before you know it he will be introducing you to everyone and sharing his private stash of good liquor with you. Think of just applying connection rapport with the host and offering him value through having you as a connection. Simple things like helping him remove a drunken guy or helping the host keep someone from coming into the party that’s not wanted goes a really long way.

Now here comes part two to becoming a VIP. It is time to make everyone want you. This is all about exposure. This is accomplished creating an effect where it appears that you know everyone. It’s all about getting yourself out there to as many people as possible. Talk to everyone. No game. Instead use pure easy simple small talk. Ask simple questions. Give compliments. Ask people how their nights are going or if they are having a good time. Be nice and social without worrying about any game. Instead you should just focus on saying hi to everyone.

The more people you talk to, the more people who will start to look at you as you walk around. Soon it will start to spiral and everyone will think that you know everyone even if you don’t. This creates a powerful effect where you are perceived as the most connected guy in the room.

You can amp this effect up using pictures!!! There is a huge difference between just talking to everyone and talking while taking tons of pictures. If you take pictures the camera flashes and everyone else in the room looks over for a
second. They see you talking to girls smiling and being the center of attention. The more you do this, the more everyone sees you with everyone else smiling and then within minutes everyone thinks you are this amazing person that everyone, but them knows. Then girls will start to approach you and the feeding frenzy commences.

Now… I can imagine some guys reading this (especially guys who have read a ton of “pick-up material”) saying that there is no way something this simple could have a powerful effect on women.

For that reason, I am going to break down several reasons why this entirely makes sense and is probably the best way to “game” at parties.

1. Contrast: Most guys at parties nervously cling to their tight little social circle. They hold their drink tightly in front of them, they are intimidated by the other guys and girls who they don’t know and most of the guys at big parties don’t even know the hosts well – they’re just there to pay the cover. By connecting with the guests and the hosts at all, you will totally stand out form all the other guys.

2. Group acceptance: OK, think in terms of caveman days. In the days where getting killed was a very real danger on an everyday basis, women knew that being with the guy who could best protect them was their best choice. But protection can take on many faces – one of the faces of protection is how well-accepted, valued and connected a man is.

Think about it – being with someone who is highly valued, accepted or popular means that this guy is surrounded by others who will protect him and his interest. Not only that, but if the group accepts you it must mean that you have some redeeming qualities and you’re not a “bad” person to know. Having connections and connecting well with people speaks to this very real part of a woman’s attraction “programming”.

3. Glamour does not equal effective. “Pick-up” material has actually gotten to a point where guys believe that if it doesn’t sound elaborate or flashy, it must not work well. The truth is that this is what naturals do. Or, put better, this is what successful normal guys do. Success is success and I would much rather enjoy being a normal guy having success than having to throw on a clown suit and perform for people.

4. In closed social circles, women lower their guard and want to speak to the guys who are seen socializing. The average guy at a party is invisible and virtually worthless to women because of the nervous invisible cage he operates inside of. So when you demonstrate that you are an interesting guy (by socializing), there is no guard against you… you are who the women are there to meet! Women put their guard up only to the men they do not want.

5. The worst that can happen is nothing happens. Think about it – you’re in an environment. People like you because you’re demonstrating that you understand, respect and enjoy the other guests. You will radiate a positive energy and you will be forging connections. Chances are, you will get phone numbers from women who are interested and from guys who want to party with you.

Even if you don’t grab a boatload of phone numbers or pull a girl, you didn’t blow yourself out of the water. You didn’t embarrass yourself or do anything that could have been conceived as weird or creepy or intimidating. And in all likelihood, you will see some of these other people again and they’ll be happy to see you – it might even work to your benefit that you connected with them sometime in the future. You never know who could turn out to be an amazing connection for women or just a really cool guy in general.

6. You’re building your social circle. I think just about all the old pick-up material out there speaks to the audience as if they are a loner. And if they’re not a loner, then they’re out with their wingman or wingmen.

For someone’s life to actually be only revolving purely on pick-up it is at best weird and at worst I believe it to be extremely unhealthy, psychologically and socially. In many ways, it’s not much different than a bunch of people who look to score drugs for their next high – their bond is based on an unnatural addiction, their habits are based around getting some kind of high and their focus and time is totally constricted to a source of worth and self-esteem outside themselves.

This is a screwed up mentality in grained in “classical community theory” and one of the fundamental reasons I would never want to be called a “pick- up artist”. What we’re suggesting is really a clearly laid path to build real, normal relationships with other people. Everyone gains, everyone benefits. Nobody is tricked – you’re actually forming connections and a social circle and using it as an avenue to succeed with women. Just connect with them and invite them to party with you.

7. You’re not starting from “ground zero”. Another common idea in the world of “pick-up” is how you present yourself. Some of the most popular authors on the subject of “pick-up” advocate having a type of elevator-pitch to quickly convey to a woman your “sexual worth”.

This assumes a few things. It assumes that without you giving the elevator- pitch, the woman would not see any “sexual worth” or value in you. When you are in a closed-social environment and people are responding positively to you, that is all of the value that women need to see in order for them to want to know you.

The bottom line here is that rather than only working on ways to try and convey value to women through words, why not take actions to have that sort of value in your life. You will be building personal equity with every connection you make and it shows.