The Less Talked About Skill in Dating: Emotional Balance


Emotional Balance is a concept that I hammer on constantly because I believe that walking the midpoint stripe between fanatical extremes in any area of human interest is the best way to go, whether you’re talking about how often you allow yourself to get wrapped up in work or a hobby (like golf), or how much time you spend being serious vs. playful and humorous. Going too much in either direction in any area of your life is troublesome. People can only take so much of our bullshit. If you let yourself become known as “Mr. _____” because you’re so obsessed with some kind of nutty behavior, it won’t be long before most everyone is avoiding you like the plague. Or they mock you behind your back, or fear you, or… whatever.

None of this is beneficial to the promotion of a vigorous social life. Any over-expressed personality imbalance can drive people far enough from your orbit that it makes whatever opportunities you do get all but useless. For instance, if you typically stumble into one chance to hook up with a girl once every two years or something like that, it does you no good because your skills are so atrophied from non-use that you’re almost certain to fuck it up anyway. It’s from others who find your personality attractive in some way that your best opportunities with women will tend to pop up – either directly or via a fortunate fix- up, etc. You need to keep yourself interesting to other people all the time. That’s why it’s important to clean out your crazy character habits. Change up, do something out of your normal disposition once in a while. Surprise people!

Balance is all about finding a happy medium between emotional quandaries like anger and boredom or independence and loneliness. Between being “Mr. Non-stop Joke-a-Minute” or some miserable, humorless prick. If you’re the kind of guy who is constantly judging everyone around you for instance, it’s only a matter of time before you find yourself becoming excessively concerned that strangers everywhere are doing the same thing to you. It won’t be long before you’re fretting over the consequence of every little action that you take or word you speak until complete social paralysis sets in.

The way to avoid this trap is to become more responsible to your desires, and less a slave to your fears.


The Problem with Isolationist Personalities

Guys who have ongoing difficulties with women can also have something of an isolationist personality holding them back. They typically have highly active minds capable of easily entertaining themselves with technical or academic pursuits. Guys like this know how to have too much fun inside their own heads (like me!). While a classic introvert-type mentality is quite normal, many times it doesn’t provide you with a very rich pallette to support ordinary conversation. Especially when it comes to seduction. Most of the stuff you spend your time thinking about is boring to most women – and because you probably spend more time thinking rather than doing, you don’t have an experience base of adventures to talk about either. See how the loop closes in on itself, keeping you trapped in the same old repeating behaviors that get you nowhere?
I know there can be a lot of mental inertia to deal with. If we allow ourselves to become heavily over-invested in the way in which we behave, and these habits are closely linked to our sense of self, then it becomes unnerving to contemplate making radical changes that would threaten to “snuff us out” (our precious Ego, I mean).

If you’ve spun a web of weird behaviors and close-minded world views, it will ultimately become impossible to escape from them without great distress when the time ultimately comes to move on to the next phase of your life.

Remember, life is a series of phases that pass away with time whether we like it or not! People get into trouble because they cling to some phase of their life they’ve fallen in love with long after the time when it should’ve been chucked. This was a major stumbling block in my own life for decades. I seemed like I was always 10 years behind where I should’ve been in terms of my emotional, social and financial development. Ten years!

I was making mistakes with women at 26 I should’ve already made at 16 if I would’ve been living my life correctly back then… making career inroads at 40 that should’ve been accomplished at 30, and so on. How humiliating, how childish! And this was mainly because I would get stuck in a particular phase but fail to do the work to complete it and move on. My problem was mostly one of fear of change, but you can just as easily become enamored with some comfy phase of your life and refuse to give it up. It’s like the dude who peaks out in high school and never wants to grow up and graduate because then he goes back to being a nobody. But you can’t act like a high-schooler forever, and the longer you try the more of a walking embarrassment you become to yourself. The Iron- clad Rule of Living sets a time limit on each and every phase your life – including those that you cling to beyond the point where you should’ve already moved on. This inertia, no matter its cause, ensures that you will eventually be regarded as a gentile fool to be pitied or patronized.

And the women will take note. And they will reject accordingly!

The Fight for Emotional Balance

This fight for balance by appropriately heeding the call of Time will involve an internal struggle that might well be tougher than any seduction you could ever attempt. Mental reframing is a lot like overthrowing a government in terms of difficulty, and for much the same reason – there are a lot of people deeply invested in perpetuation of the status quo and they plan to fight you to the death to keep things just the way they are! In a similar fashion, your brain has fabricated a level of ease with your current emotional/comfort status quo and it will fight any effort of yours to change anything significant about your world.

This battle is a critical confrontation that you must have with yourself however, no matter the pain involved. As I mentioned earlier, it may involve trading-in the monster truck for a used Altima or putting the X-Box on E-Bay if that’s what it takes to pay the bills piling up in your new apartment, but you will emerge phoenix-like from this battle a better man. Hell, perhaps a Man for the first time in your life!

Much of the parental / societal brainwashing that gives us grief later on in life first begins to creep into our heads when youth places us at a vulnerable stage in our development – at a time when we have few mental defenses available to protect ourselves, and we are ignorant of the dangers posed by these external thought crimes. The “solutions” we develop to mitigate resulting stressors soon become self-perpetuating and take root deep in our minds. After repeated exposure to enough put-downs and other assorted mental tortures for instance, a kind of “Stockholm Syndrome” takes over wherein we identify with our captors and take up their cause! What I mean is that, long after the original offender (parents, classmates, siblings, etc.) are gone and sometimes even dead, we continue to pay homage to their original fucked-up judgements of us. This is especially true if the source of the brainwashing was a parent, because there’s a kind of if-I-prove-you-were-right-will-you-love-me-now? sort of dynamic happening that can torment us for an entire goddamn lifetime.

You’ve got to crush this kind of nonsense once and for all by making a fundamental choice about yourself that simply boils down to this… am I going to design my consciousness to produce a reality that gives me the best chance at living a happy and fulfilling life, or am I going to stay on this hopeless mission to authenticate the legitimacy of my abuser and their long-dead image of what my station in life was supposed to be?
Read that 100 times if you have to. You are a unique individual with talents and powers that were unimagined when you were young, and anyone who attempted to steal that from you or suppress it was nothing more than a common criminal, regardless of their relationship to you or what their “best” intentions might’ve been. It’s no more complicated than that. Despite the mega-volumes of self-help psychology that you can piss all your time and money away studying endlessly. I’m talking about cleaning out the garbage and proudly stepping forward into the next phase of life like a man, unencumbered by past disillusionments.

There are times in our lives when we come out of a long dark tunnel and things finally start hitting on all cylinders for us. We get bigger and stronger, suddenly finding more athletic power at our fingertips after a youth spent kicked around as the scrawny weakling or the comical fat kid. We get a rockin’ career path going or stumble on some kind of financial break for once…. and now we’ve finally got some money to throw around! Until you begin to feel good about yourself as a man on a very intimate level like this, it’s unlikely you’ll reach a Master’s Level gaming women no matter how many hypnotic tricks you learn.

By welcoming every new phase of your life instead of hiding from it, you can begin to turn this idea of meeting and seducing women into a fun lifestyle for yourself that you can embrace with enthusiasm and total clarity, rather than viewing it as some grueling chore. And that’s ultimately how you’ll make it work for yourself.

Shove All Your High-Minded Obsessions

And finally, a word about obsessions. The root of many weird-o personality traits can be traced to some manner of obsession that has pulled you deep into its own special brand of madness. I hate this shit. It’s becoming a global problem. Here’s the bottom line with any kind of personal obsession as far as I’m concerned – if you have come to believe in anything to the point that it dominates your mind so much you feel you have to run around talking about it incessantly, then somewhere along the way you’ve allowed yourself to become brainwashed. Plain and simple. You have surrendered control of your consciousness to some idea, organization, cause, insane parent, religious ideal, charismatic individual or other manipulative force that now commands your thinking and rules your soul. Why you did this to yourself in the first place doesn’t matter to me and shouldn’t matter to you either. You just have to fucking stop it. Crush it. Fight back and reclaim your right to own your own mind. That’s all. Real simple. Here’s my own little personal creed for you when it comes to external entities ruling my Mind. Feel free to adopt it as your own:

I am the single, sole and only source of all my ideas, goals, dreams and personal philosophies on the Meaning of My Life. No one else can dare to tell me how to live my life, it just doesn’t happen. On my planet, this isn’t allowed. And if those who would enlist me into serving their interests at the expense of my own don’t like it, they can board the next shuttle to Mars and get the fuck off my planet. Permanently. Got it?

Take a cue from me and snap out of it right now, today. Give whoever currently owns your mind the royal flying fuck you… and then stand back and laugh as they turn pink with rage. I don’t care who the fuck they think they are, how much power they supposedly think they have (I got some sad news for them, they have none actually), or how compelling their arguments for your continued allegiance to their cause-idea-religion-philosophy might be. You’re done. You’re out. You’re returning to the land of the living and embracing the popular culture so that you can fit in and become normal.
So you can begin to live on your terms, a.k.a., the only terms that should ever matter to you.

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