Now, this next post is going to cover something so many guys seem to be hung up on. Ever wonder what women really want in a text?
Now that you have her number, here is the best way to get her excited about hearing from you.
Many guys wonder what a woman is thinking after he gets her number. They don’t realize how excited she will be when you contact her.
Texting is now a common part of our daily communication. And we are lucky, because it has taken all the pressure off feeling that we need to call. It gives us a chance to relax and let our mojo flow.
A great thing about texting is it gets a woman fixated on hearing from you. She can’t wait for you to text her.
She checks her phone every time it vibrates and wonders if it might be you. She’s already thinking about you and that gives you some control.
When you do text, her face will light up. She’s been waiting for you to contact her and the feeling she gets when you do is fueling her attraction towards you.
She is literally having a chemical reaction.
She has built this scenario up in her head and when she sees your name pop up on her screen a few things occur:
She gets a warm, tingling sensation. It spreads through her and feels wonderful. It releases dopamine in her brain. Dopamine = pleasure. It’s the same chemical released from cocaine. This is a great thing for her to feel in relation to you.
It is giving her a rush of dopamine to hear from you. She’s going through these highs and lows… “When is he going to text me?” “I hope he does.”
She might even worry about you blowing her off and when you do text she’ll feel and even stronger rush. The point is, she wants to hear from you so keep in mind that you will be getting her excited just by making that first move.
As with many things I’ve covered the first step is to know what NOT to do first. Avoiding these texting mistakes will keep her from “losing” your number.
A lot of guys out there don’t realize what a turn-off it is when they do these things.
Don’t smother her with texts. It’s a common trap so many men fall into these days. We have friends or coworkers that we are used to texting often.
Remember, in the beginning you want to leave a little to her imagination. So make a good first impression and let her fill in the blanks on her own.
Another big problem is guys tend to be a little boring with their texts. Again, this works just fine with friends and family that already know you. They don’t need much; they already have a rapport with you.
Often guys are worried about offending or coming on too strong. Or they are trying too hard to be unique and end up psyching themselves out.
Either way, you need to relax and not make such a big deal out of it.
Here are a couple first texts that will stop all that dopamine dead in its tracks.
“Hey how r u?” “Hey”
These are boring. These are common and are fine when you’re more familiar with each other, but making the first text count requires just a little more than that.
You want to feed her chemical reaction when you first contact her and that requires you making a little extra effort.
You don’t have to script out some amazing prose, but by giving her a little more than a simple greeting you’re standing out from the rest of the guys she’s used to.
Remember the simple line I used when getting her number? I used an example of talking about her cat. If I were to text that woman I’d say something like:
“So is your cat staying out of trouble?”
Not the most creative thing you’ve ever heard, but it doesn’t matter. It isn’t about saying something perfect, it’s just about not being boring.
You want to stand out from the pack, so when she gets a text like that she will be pleasantly surprised.
The best thing is to tie your text into a conversation the two of you had. If you talked about a movie she loved, send her a quote from it or playfully ask how many times she’s watched it since you last spoke.
Anything aside from a sterile greeting you’d give a cashier at a convenience store.
I would guard everything I said and that caused a whole lot of awkward, stilted conversation. The bottom line was I was trying to make something happen via texting without her being into me in the first place.
I was putting myself in a hole that I had dug all by myself. I wasn’t living in the moment because I was caught in a negative mindset that made me insecure and unable to access my mojo.
Ever get nervous about texting a woman and not know how to get yourself in a spot where she’s going to be turned on instead of turned off because you are not sure whether you sent the right text or screwed everything up?
You are never going to have to wonder what to think about texting ever again.
I want to illustrate two different “styles” of approaching this whole texting thing because you will notice how even though these two twins were the SAME in every way, one was a texting master and the other repelled the same woman who went for one twin over the other.
Example #1: Guy A likes a woman named Lisa. Lisa only hangs out with him when she has nothing to do and it’s always inconvenient for him. He always has to come to her and go out of his way.
Example #2: Guy B meets Lisa one day and she gives him her number after a brief flirtation, but all he does is send her one text with a “well, hey. It’s the guy with the cool hat.”
She responds to his first text. He never replies. He didn’t give it much thought. It just happened that way because of his busy life.
She sends four more texts. His phone dies.
Lisa ends up being obsessed with Guy B. Guy B is busy making moves to build a business. He is always putting his time into that and she wants him to contact her.
She calls and notices his phone is off or dead. She gets a feeling of panic, a fear of not being able to get him because he’s just out of her reach.
Guy A and Guy B are twins yet Lisa is obsessed with Guy B and friend zones Guy A after his persistent contacting was too much to handle.
Let’s break this down so you understand exactly what Guy B did that Guy A didn’t so that you can do what Guy B did and text her into the same kind of frenzy.
Turn Her Imagination On Through Texting
Guy B hit the spot just right from the beginning. His first impression was a winning one because he created a “movie moment,”, but nothing out of the ordinary, which he referenced in the text.
The movie moment is the reason he got her number. The actual experience is not revolving around getting the number. This is the key.
You have to actually be able to reference a moment you enjoyed together. You cannot create a moment out of the sky through texting. You have to be texting because you genuinely enjoyed her company and she enjoyed your company.
Do NOT expect texting to WIN her over.
Texting is a tool to use if you ALREADY know she is interested. 135
Now, to really make this whole texting concept sink in, I am going to tell you a story about the truth about texting straight from a woman’s phone.
Blair was a woman who never had a filter. One day, I was sitting at a coffee shop with her and her phone kept making noises.
I noticed she didn’t even look at her phone.
I said, “Who is texting you? Jeez. Whoever it is clearly has to talk to you urgently.”
She made a face at me and sighed as she picked her phone up.
She looked like someone unloaded a huge burden onto her.
“Ugh, I don’t understand how guys are like this. The way these texts are makes me feel bad because I don’t know what to say or how they think these texts are a good idea.”
My curiosity got the better of me and I asked her about the texts.
“Eric, for example, this one dude keeps sending question marks and saying things like fine, goodbye, if I don’t reply… it’s like he is having a conversation with himself.”
Blair was a woman I had a genuine friendship with and there was not a moment where I didn’t find her fascinating and intriguing. After a bad breakup with a woman I thought would finally make me feel like I was good enough, I was lamenting over drinks hanging out at Blair’s place.
Now, she had the most amazing body and long, blonde hair. Huge green eyes and a sexy stare she didn’t know was so sexy.
That’s what Blair is. She’s the epitome of accidentally sexy, which drove men even crazier because she wasn’t trying to turn anyone on.
thanks for another helpful post, bebe
so from what i gather, in the story about Blair, the guy was getting impatient because she hadn’t responded to his texts, but that just turned her off because he was being needy. is that the point i should be taking away from this?
on tinder (dating app) not too long ago, a girl i had been messaging with gave me her phone number without me asking for it and i know she’s legit (real). since then, we’ve been texting a little, but she’s not very consistent.
for example, i texted her last friday (the 24th of this month) and she hasn’t responded since then. i haven’t bothered to send her any more texts because i don’t want to be a pest or annoy her. i’m simply just trying to get her to communicate with me a little more consistently.
i suck with women, but i have another common sense not to blow up their phone–which is one of the things you highlighted about texting mistakes.
so i guess i’ll just wait it out, and hopefully she’ll hit me up in the near future
ENOUGH common sense*