The concept of your personal level of self-reliance is closely linked with your feelings about yourself as a man. The more self-reliant you are in a general sense, the more confident you will feel about most everything else in your world, including your ability to deal with women. You might be able to sweet talk your conscious mind into believing that being 32 years old and still living in your parents basement is no big deal because you haven’t had “your break” yet, but there’s no fooling your unconscious mind. It understands your dependancy and the fears that drive it, and since this is where your basic self-image is rooted you can be certain that it will effect the vibe that you put out around women.
And P.S. it will not be a good vibe. And Double P.S. you won’t be able to hide behind a phoney front.
Guys who are overdue to have flown the coop think they can fool women into overlooking their sub-standard lifestyle by sinking their entire fortune into a hot set of 4×4 wheels with a nice concrete-cracking boombox laying out a sonic vapor trail behind them. This is known as “driving around in your net worth”. It doesn’t take a mathematical genius to figure out that the only way a guy who sweeps floors for $6 bucks an hour can afford such a great ride is if his rent, utilities, groceries, etc. are still being paid for by mom and dad.
This notion of self-reliance is closely tied to your age as well of course. If you’re still in high school, no one expects you to be living in your own apartment yet. Or if you’re working your way through college I suppose it’s alright too. But 42 and still double-bunking in the trailer with mom?
This issue isn’t entirely about how you’re being perceived by others (although that is a big factor) – it’s also about how you view yourself. Namely, as a child. For a man especially, allowing yourself to remain dependant on someone else for your basic support and survival is insidiously destructive to your sense of male power and authority. Always in the background lurks this uncomfortable feeling that you are somehow not quite a man yet – no matter how gruff you try to act or how much body art you ink on. The bad thing is that this sense takes root in your unconscious mind where it leaks out unrealized through your general attitude. And women have highly sensitive antenna when it comes to sizing you up – as we’ll see in the next section.
Beyond the corrosive effect that living under someone else’s wing has on your self-confidence are the mundane logistical problems that it also presents when trying to seduce women. In the segment on Dating that we’ll tackle later on, I’ll show you how the third date (the “get laid” date) hinges on your being able to set things up environmentally so that you have the necessary privacy that it requires to nail her. When I was 22 years old and still living under the watchful hawk-eye of my mom, the only privacy I had available for trying to make out with chicks (and/or feel them up) was the back of my shitbucket ‘67 Ford Econoline van!… Hippies arise!
Talk about doing it WITH embarrassment! This hulk was little more than rolling humiliation spray-painted in K-Mart blue… and directly from fuckin’ spray cans! We’re talking Third World paint job here. Tooling around in that bucket it’s little wonder why, at that phase of my life, I considered myself little more than a fucking worm with my self-esteem buried down in the negative numbers somewhere.
Now 22 would still be okay to be hanging around at home if I were grinding my way through college or just starting out on a career track or something – but I’d blown all that off in favor of a string of minimum wage jobs that might as well have paid off in bags of salt for all they were worth to me in terms of generating any self-respect.
I tell you this pathetic tale of woe only because I get letters from guys all over the world who claim to have this and that problem with women – but I can tell from the background info they give me on themselves that their real problem stems from the way in which they live. Dependant on others – parents, older siblings, roommates… the kindness of O.J. Simpson, whatever. You simply can’t
regard yourself as a Man when you’re under someone else’s economic thumb, no matter what other benefits you may use to justify it. You basically can focus all your time and money on playing around and buying all sorts of fun junk for yourself, instead of paying for stupid shit like, you know… rent and electricity. The inertia of any given lifestyle that you’ve settled into can be tough to overcome because it has numerous addictive factors. Why kill the golden goose?
And yes… there’s bad news as well. Living on your own means spending a significant amount of your time on mundane crap like shopping and cleaning and doing the occasional load of shitty laundry – while wasting your valuable Playstation 3 money on things like rent, cable-gas-electric bills and groceries… stuff that you’re pretty much already getting for next to nothing. It therefore feels like a major step backwards to have to suddenly work hard in order to continue to have most of what you already currently own for free.
But we’re not talking about convenience here… we’re talking about the emotional effect this lifestyle has on your consciousness. On your confidence – your sense of pride and maturity that goes along with demonstrating the ability to fend for yourself. It may not seem like a big deal at first, but the attitudinal shift born of striking out on your own will be evident in the sparkle it puts in your eye and the spring in your step. And the women will take notice.
How to go about setting up your home or apartment so it becomes the ultimate chick-trap is something that I detailed in my first book, so I won’t repeat everything here. Suffice to say that until you are actually in your own place paying your own bills, you won’t have an opportunity to design your own playpen anyway. So time’s a wastin’!
I myself stayed at home too long because I felt it was more important for me to preserve the ability to tell my boss to go fuck himself than be free and independent – and there was no way I could do that with a fat mortgage or rent payment hanging over my head like an axe ready to fall. They would’ve known I was trapped, that I was their virtual slave, and that I would have to kiss their ass or else. Don’t be an asshole like I was back then – don’t let your pride and your false arrogance (disabled Will) paint you into a corner and rob you of your male honor. It’s more important cut the cord and begin your solo adventure through life as your own man no matter the sacrifices. The positive change it will have on your self-worth and attitude are as good as gold– and can be hard to imagine if you haven’t stepped off this cliff yet.
But the women sure will notice.