First of all, Happy New Years!
So you’ve been texting a girl for a while and now you’re wondering if she’s ready for the date? Now that you’ve achieved your first objective (getting her to respond) it’s time to work on how to get her onto a date: because this is where the fun really begins.
OK so when and how do you go for the date?
Let’s deal with the ‘when’ first and, later on, we’ll deal with ‘how’.
Just like interactions during real life the timing of when you ‘escalate’ is important. Imagine you’ve just sat down with some girls in a bar. How weird would it be for the first thing you say to be asking the girl out on the date? She hasn’t done anything yet to prove her value to you, except from being relatively attractive. And, trust me, there are a lot of relatively attractive girls out there. Asking for a date at this stage lowers your value, and is an over investment. Similarly the first text you send (unless you’ve already escalated sufficiently during the initial interaction) won’t go right in for the date.
But do you know what also kills attraction? Not escalating in time. If
you sit there talking pleasantly to a girl without at any stage upping your kino, going for a close or just talking more sexually, you’re going to be friend zoned.
The same goes for texts.
Whilst you probably don’t want to go for the date straight away, you’ve got to at some stage, or she will stop replying. Why? Because she doesn’t know where the interaction is going, and whilst she may welcome you as a friend into her life, people will generally invest much more in romantic rather than platonic connections.
So when is the right time to go for the date?
Look at the regularity of texts: with my girlfriends I won’t worry about leaving it a while until I get back to them (they’re not going anywhere right?) but I will respond to guys I’m interested in. So if you’re phone is exploding with texts that’s a good sign. She may be ‘playing it cool’, and taking her time to respond: but as long as when the response comes she:
- Asks about you
- Volunteers details of her life that you didn’t ask for
- Teases or flirts with you
Then she’s probably going to be keen to meet in person.
Is she hitting on you? Counter intuitively it is often the less direct sexual references that are the most important. If she’s putting loads of kisses and calling you affectionate names (like babe, honey or anything else a little sickening!) you may be teetering on the friend zone. Girls will often be a little bit more coy with guys they’re really into. Too much affection early on suggests that she is very comfortable with you and may just see you as a friend. If the possibility for sex is there, she’ll reference it but in a much more subtle way. If sex is a possibility she won’t want to over commit herself by making it explicit that it’s going to happen. Instead she’s more likely to sexually qualify herself to you. This could be:
1. By drawing attention to her physical fitness/ prowess: Any continual references to how she is a gym bunny, just getting into running or has always done yoga because she is flexible could well mean, ‘I’m physically fit and great in bed’. Simple as that.
2. By drawing attention to how she is becoming more attractive: This could be anything from telling you about a new pair of heels/ manicure she has got (she expects you to be excited and aroused at the prospect of her wearing them).
3. By telling you she isn’t ‘sexy’ things that qualify herself as a girlfriend to you: Like that she’s a great cook/ loves dancing/ loves football. These things are all seeking your approval and implying that she’d be a great person to have in your life.
4. Has there been a change in her texting habits?: If she has suddenly started replying a lot faster, more frequently, or has initiated a text conversation with you it implies that she wants a date. Maybe the other guys she was dating is no longer in the running. A change in her texting habits could well mean that there has been a change in her 313personal logistics: she may have broken up with a boyfriend, decided to move on from another man she was interested in, or just decided life’s too short and that she wants to have some fun!
These signals that I’ve spoken about aren’t a hard and fast rule that now is a good time to go for a date: but they are a decent guideline for when is a good time to try.