Now, here’s a situation many guys find themselves in when they’ve been seeing a girl for a while and really like her… how to go from dating to actually making her your girlfriend.
You will learn how to make this next step go smoothly. You won’t have to worry about it. In fact, it’ll be easier than you ever imagined.
Before anything, first ask yourself if you really want to be with her. The reason you are committing is key.
Do you actually want her as your girlfriend? We often forget this incredibly obvious question. This mentality fits back into your old mindsets. The wrong way to look at commitment is through a needy mindset.
Neediness means you need her to react a certain way to fill a role in your life you think needs to be filled. You want her because you want a girlfriend, not because you want her specifically.
When you choose to be with a woman out of all the other options you have, she is more likely to say yes than if you have no options.
It looks like desperation if you settle the second a woman shows any sign of interest and you lock her down because you’re afraid if you don’t, you’ll lose her to some other guy who swoops in and steals her.
Remember, the power of choice is a huge part of what fuels your mojo and will make your dating life refreshing and pleasant, not stale and embarrassing.
The bottom line is if you want to make her a part of your life, you will never get her to say yes by pushing the official title on her.
The truth is women love to be in committed relationships (most women). If you are the one pressing the issue, she will feel like you’re smothering her.
She has to be able to feel like she chose to walk down that train of thought herself. When she thinks it was her choice, she wants to be your girlfriend.
Do you really see her as a great girlfriend? Are you having fun? Do you feel those good and comfortable feelings around her? Is your mojo effortlessly working around her? If you are unsure then you shouldn’t take any further steps.
If you feel like you’re choosing her just as much as she is choosing you, then you are on the right track. What this means is you like each other and it’s mutual.
You are not the one putting in all the work. She is interested and showing it. It should be natural at this point to feel these happy comfortable feelings if the chemistry is right.
Asking Her Out
Asking her out as more than just a casual date can be done in a variety of ways. This is still early on so you don’t need to make a big production of it or you’ll risk scaring her away. You just want to put it out there and let her make the choice without it being complicated.
Don’t be formal or rigid about it. “Would you like to go steady?” That might have worked in the 50’s, but it doesn’t any more. It’s boring, for lack of a better word. That doesn’t have any mojo or excitement to it.
Don’t repeat yourself. Don’t ask her and stumble around. I used to get awkward at this point and start to doubt myself and that will sabotage you just like in every other situation.
If you start repeating yourself or rambling you are making it complicated and confusing. She will start to read into the wrong things if you’re distracting her from the simple question you should be asking.
Becoming an official couple works best when you’re straightforward. You’ve spent the time building her anticipation and giving her “puzzles” to work out. She’s chosen to do those things because she likes you. This is an instance where you don’t want to hint at it. You need to be clear so she knows you are sure about this and want it badly.
Don’t give her any distractions when you ask her. Just like suggesting a great band to someone, you put it out there in the clearest way possible. “Check this song out, it’s amazing”. It shouldn’t be anything more than that. You need to be loud and clear so she can be comfortable answering without any distractions.
A mistake I used to make was asking a woman out when I thought things started to go south. I felt like it would work as some magic glue to put us back together. Never ask a woman to be your girlfriend because you think it will force things to be good.
People do this often in marriage and it never works out. Asking her to be your girlfriend should be a logical next step to strengthen your relationship. It shouldn’t be a cop-out to try and manipulate things to work out.
This is where having options helps you make the right decision. When you are terrified that this is the only woman you could get, you will drive her away.
That desperation will still stink like it did in the past. Having options and knowing other women would date you will free your mind and let you have a rational state of mind when you decide on whether you should take a relationship to the next level.
I Love You
Telling a woman you love her is one of the biggest moments you will ever encounter in a relationship. The only steps that are bigger are marriage and kids. It’s one of the three big ones; the final steps you can take in a relationship.
This can be one of the most frightening and intimidating moments in any relationship, but there is no need for it to be.
You have been going on great dates and having a great time together. You know a lot about each other and the intimacy and familiarity you’ve established is going strong.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. My little cousins were jumping rope recently and singing that song.
It made me laugh because it took me back to their time and innocence, but with all innocence there is an absolute truth behind the simplicity.
Telling a woman you love her is a huge thing. Obviously we aren’t talking about the marriage or baby carriage part yet. Breathe easy, guys… you have plenty of time before you start thinking in those terms. For now, you are enjoying her and you’re choosing to be with her. You’re starting to love her and you want her to know.
Timing is very important with this. As with many of the steps you’ve taken with her, you want there to be a gradual build-up to this. You’re gaining momentum and building her anticipation up until it’s at a fever pitch. Saying it too soon will suck all of that momentum up and it won’t mean anything.
It would be like giving a runner a gold medal halfway through the run. It isn’t warranted yet and it doesn’t mean anything.
You want her to earn it. Just like her reaching for you and pursuing you, this is something that you can’t just give to her without her wanting it and needing it.
Women don’t get obsessed with something that is just lying on the ground for them to pick up. You have to give her hints and allusions to it so she pursues it and craves that love.
Remember, working for something and overcoming challenges always makes the prize a thousand times more fulfilling. Giving her your love is no different.
Slow and Steady
Telling her you love her is something that you need to let happen in its own time. Don’t cut corners and race to that goal. You’ll be cheating the both of you out of the climactic moment and it won’t carry the meaning it should.
Women love building up to something. That’s how they are biologically constructed. Just like with an orgasm, it’s a process for her. Things need to be in place and working towards the moment. Give her hints and pieces of it and allow her to put things together so she is begging for that final piece.
Puzzles are such a great analogy with women and that’s why I use it so often. If you gave someone pieces to a puzzle and left one out it would drive them crazy.
They’ve put this picture together and gotten past the challenges they faced along the way. The final piece is the sweetest: it’s the completion of all their time and effort. They must have it at that point. They would do anything for it.
You can give her those pieces and lead up to your profession of love in several natural ways. You’re planting those seeds and broaching the topic of love without going for broke and ruining the surprise.
You indirectly hint at that love by telling her you love things about her.
“I love the way you smile”
“I love your laugh, it’s intoxicating”
“I love the way you talk about your family. It’s so special to see someone feel that way about people”
You can plug many words into this statement. I love your ___. I love the way you ____.
You can get a little more interesting with it, too. Those are great examples and you should absolutely use them, but you don’t want to start repeating yourself and diluting the meaning of it.
Telling her you love her smile is incredible, but if you say it every other day it won’t have the impact it once had and it can compromise what she sees as your standard for love.
By that I mean that if you throw the word around too much, she might not think you take love as seriously as she does.
You can say something like “I love the silly shit you do when you’re a little tipsy”. It’s a little “riskier,”, but it’s communicating that you love things that are beyond the standard obvious ones.
Women love this stuff because there is something about a guy noticing the random, little things she does, which makes her feel like the “luckiest woman in the world.”
Just like the quick-fix girlfriend disclaimer, NEVER tell her you love her to make a quick fix. You aren’t shooting a flare out to save a sinking ship. Love should always be the next powerful piece of a strong mutual attraction and commitment.
Don’t just blurt it out when you haven’t put the right thought into it. Doing it without your own personal investment and reflection will cheapen it and it will lose its mojo.
Don’t Profess Your Love If…
There are times and reasons that you should never tell her you love her. Doing these will poison and sabotage the relationship you’ve worked so hard to have.
I do not mean to say you had to put in hard work that felt unnatural or uncomfortable. The relationship is BUILT on a MUTUAL investment that both of you put in together. It should feel NATURAL.
I already said you should never do it on impulse. It should be thought out and realized in your own mind first. If you are not sure whether you want her as your girlfriend, do NOT ask her out because you think it will guard against another man swooping in and stealing her.
This is going to automatically kill your shot with her. Fear of losing her is not a reason to ask her out. Fear actually clouds your judgment and makes you come off insecure.
She wants a man who genuinely has the desire to be with her for who she is. The desire to tell her should be strong, but not because you FEAR losing her.
Do you see the difference between wanting to make sure you don’t lose your shot with her and actually enjoying her as a human being and the time you spend with her?
It should never be because you want something or because she did something nice for you. Say she gives you some great gift or does something above and beyond for you.
That is great and you should acknowledge it because she will appreciate that, but it shouldn’t be the reason for you saying “I love you.”
It should be clear that it isn’t one action or aspect that makes you feel that way. It shouldn’t be the result of a single action or gesture because it won’t be the kind of “love” that lasts.
This is a concept you might have trouble fully understanding so I want to explain it a bit more so you know what it really means.
If you love her because you had an amazing day with her, you are not thinking about the real future with her. You cannot base this commitment on a short-term experience.
Relationships are about being together during rough times as well as good times. One day at a park is not going to create LOVE. Sure, it can create happy feelings and infatuation. This is a LOT different than “love.”
Instead of it being an impulsive thing, it should encompass the entirety of your relationship with her.
Doing it too early will compromise the meaning and gravity of your love. It also is too early for you to even truly know. Vegas marriages fail. “Vegas” declarations of love are the same.
It needs to be the climax of a slow burning fire. This is what makes it special for her. This is what makes it real. This is what gets you a good girlfriend.
Another huge mistake I made once was telling a woman I loved her because I wanted to know if she loved me so badly it drove me nuts.
I was still unsure and I thought that knowing her feelings would solidify mine. I told her I loved her and she said she loved me back., but after a few months I realized that I didn’t really love her the way I thought I did.
I had strong feelings for her, but my need to get reinforcement from her clouded my thinking. She ended up being heartbroken and angry when things didn’t work out.
I had lead her on without meaning to and she had every right to feel betrayed. Women don’t take love lightly; it is the end-all be-all of your relationship.
You have to nurture the relationship and let her know you love things about her, but waiting to actually tell her will optimize the meaning and effect it has on her.
Aged to Perfection
Allowing that bond to strengthen and gather up momentum makes the impact of your love confession powerful and sincere. You give her the hints and let her build up that need for your love. She invests in it and works for it and can’t wait for the prize.
Don’t compromise. When you’re “pretty good together” or “yeah, she’s cool, I like her” that is not enough of a reason to proclaim your love. That isn’t being in love, it’s liking.
When you’re pretty good together, but not great together and not comfortable with each other, you can’t force the concept of love to happen if it isn’t naturally there. Again, you can’t take it to the next level with a magic phrase.
Wasting time trying to create love is a delusional idea that will only cause problems in your life. You will lose the opportunity to meet women you would actually feel a strong pull toward, but if you fixate on making this one situation into “love,” you won’t ever see that.
You set up the magical situation by choosing women who like what you’re about. When you go out with women who actually enjoy your nature, you will find the loving relationship you actually enjoy.
The title comes after the relationship is there. You frame an incredible relationship with love, but you don’t try to build it off the phrase.
You now know what to look for. Signals women give off and your own awareness of your true feelings will make love the obvious choice.