The date has occurred . . . and suddenly you realize that now you have to arrange another one. This is met with mixed feelings in your gut: part ‘get in’, part ‘not all that again’. What next..?
I can save you some stress here with a simple list of dos and don’ts post date.
Don’t send her a gushing post date message. If she sends you a sweet text by all means respond: but don’t come on too strong with a, ‘it was so great to meet you’ kind of message. Girls like to chase too . . .
Do drop her a line the next day. Make this on a similar line to your first text: avoid being too friendly, concerned if she got home ok etc. Instead say something a little teasing: if she was a little tipsy, or you had fits of laughter over something, bring that back up in your message.
Don’t ask for another date straight away. Going straight for organising another date feels too full on. Play it cooler and wait until she is texting you back (or even better initiating the conversation) before you ask for date two.
Do be direct when you ask for day two: remember you are a man: a real ‘hunter gatherer’, it is cool for you to state what you want. So once the texts have started again, keep it brief and just state, ‘Drinks with you were fun: let’s do more laughter over cocktails next week. Tuesday good for you?’
Do try a two stage set up if you’re uncertain: if you’re really not sure how well it went, or how she feels: use the word ‘sometime’ or ‘one day’ to suggest a date. Then if she seems into your date suggestion tie it down to a day/ time. This is a great way of feeling her out on a date without losing too much value if she doesn’t go for it. Your interaction may go a little like this:
You: So did you spend all Sunday watching re-runs of Glee? I’m unconvinced but you can drag me to a dance class some time
Her: Shut up! Glee is great and I love dancing—you know it’s fun!
You: Ok then Salsa class, Holborn, Wednesday—but we’re getting a strong drink after you put me through this 😉
See it was all her idea really!
Don’t jump to negative conclusions: If you’re starting to panic because she hasn’t got back to your message asap, she mentions how she’s going on a night out with friends, or brings up a boy’s name. Please stop yourself. You’ve known this girl for a matter of hours: don’t care too much and have faith that she is into you.
Do use teasing to stage another date: If your date was noticeably clumsy/ tipsy/ or really giggled when you mentioned something use this ‘tease’ to angle for another date:
You: Hey Clumsy girl—have you spilt any drinks today? Worrying over here that I can’t take you anywhere . . .
Her: Hey! I’m very well mannered I’ll have you know, I only spilt a little of my wine!
You: Ok well for your next challenge we can do high tea somewhere: that will be the acid test of whether you have any manners!
Don’t suggest a date that’s too high investment: sure your date might wind up you eating dinner, hitting two bars, tumbling into a taxi and winding up having crazy sex at your apartment. But you can’t let on that’s the plan! Ask her for just the dinner or just the drink . . . then leave the rest of your evening free.
Do up-sell: she may only feel comfortable agreeing to a drink far in advance. However, on the night—if it’s all going well—it’s going to be much easier to extend the date. So even if you’re just meeting for another ‘quick after work drink’; have a plan in mind of another bar or two you could take her to . . . preferably on route back to your apartment.
Don’t change your texting style: Keep it simple and unreactive until you’re ‘official’ i.e. Even if she shoves a ton of xxxx at the end of her message don’t feel you need to reciprocate. Instead keep it cool until you know where you both stand.
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In it you can find the exact text messages, and the system he developed, over nine years of sending thousands of texts to hundreds of girls. No matter what you’re struggling with right now, he’s probably got the answer to it.
