Parties can be like exclusive clubs, but even worse as far as getting in (at times). Usually, they are invite-only, so sometimes if you don’t know anyone, you are not getting in unless you have a few tricks up your sleeve. The goal of this eBook is to create an “in” without you having to know anyone at the party and without being invited. Using what you will learn in this eBook, you will be able to talk and persuade your way into any party. If you see a party going on you will almost always be able to walk over and talk your way in using these principles and tactics.
As with anything, some ways to achieve your goal are easier than other ways. For example, getting yourself into a party with a group of guys is way harder than doing it alone. Think about how you would perceive a bunch of strangers coming to your party. All these techniques in this book will work, but it is way harder the more guys you have with you. Coming in a large group of guys might make it almost impossible until you can convince the hosts of your potential value in some situations.
This list should give you an idea of the difficulty scale. 1 being easiest to get in and 11 being the hardest to gain entry.
1. You and a lot of hot girls
2. You and a few hot girls
3. You and a lot of normal girls
4. You and a few normal Girls
5. You and one other guy and a lot of girls
6. You and one Girl
7. You and one other guy and 3 or more girls 8. You alone
9. You and one other guy and 2 girls
10. You and one other guy
11. You and a few other guys
Think in terms of the more girls you’re with, the easier it will be to get whatever you want. The more guys you have with you, the more girls you need to outweigh the guys.
Bottom line: If you can, bring girls!
Girls are like social currency. The more you have the better. The hotter they are the better.
First off, they don’t have to be super-hot or anything, but bringing a lot of girls will always get you in wherever you want to go. I know this is not always a viable option for people starting out, but it is certainly the easiest way short of knowing the host personally and being invited.
If you can’t bring girls move onto this method:
Un-reactive Power Assault
This is a progressive method where the more you get into this method, the more volatile the situation can become. The underlying frame is to really be completely un-reactive to whatever anyone is saying and continue to be really nice. Let your niceness shine through. I like to think of it as aggressive niceness. This is done by always acknowledging any objections you are getting and then continue talking about what you want and offering value. We’ll discuss this in a moment, once I’ve laid down some concepts to use within the technique.
The Name Game
The first step is to always try to get a name. A name is a powerful tool. Once you have the hosts name or one of the host’s friend’s names, you can drop it at anytime and leverage it to your advantage. Names are powerful, get them from whoever is barring your way and introduce yourself and use their name in conversation.
Dropping a name during the chaos of a party to anyone holding any gate or door will usually get you past them. They assume that you know whoever you are talking about and let you through. A great trick to start off, if you don’t have the host’s name use a random name to pretend you are already invited by someone else. You can use a random name and the doorman is left with an awkward social silence after you drop a random name may volunteer the name of someone else in the party that might know your imaginary person that “invited” you. You can capitalize on this and agree with them. This will get you in sometimes.
While you are having a conversation with anyone, make sure to get their name. Now you have a real name to use with anyone else that may be working the door later or being some type of gate-keeper and just use this new name to leverage what you want. Just use their name with people and instantly the gate keeper will think you are a good buddy of his friend. This will entitle you to first class treatment all the way.
If the name game doesn’t get you in to the party, then it’s time to amp it up to the next level.
If you’re not comfortable with pretending to be invited or if it didn’t get you in at first, the next easiest way to get into any party is to be their neighbor. The best thing about this is you can completely make it up, although sometimes you will get “shit-tested” on it, so make sure you know the quirks of the immediate surrounding area. Even if you don’t live in the area, you can tell them you live across the hall or next door or right nearby down the street. Use real street names and numbers of the surrounding area.
The important points of this are that you should make your story believable. Take a minute to familiarize yourself with the area as far as what the apartment is called or what street you are on. When doing this be as specific as possible.
Whoever is hosting the party will want to keep their neighbors happy. Having a party is a delicate balance with keeping your guests and neighbors happy. Unhappy neighbors lead to police being called and parties getting broken up. It is in the host’s best interest to let you in because then it’s one less neighbor he has to worry about.
Make sure to get the name of whoever you are talking to as soon as you can so you can use it with someone else if necessary. If at first the neighbor option doesn’t work, move on to the next step which I like to call aggressive niceness.
If everything else has failed, you are going to have to plow your way in. This is done by constantly offering value while holding your non-reactive frame and acknowledging their disagreements or ignoring them. If you’re talking to a guy that is holding the door and he won’t let you in, start the plowing by telling him you know how hard hosting parties are. Tell him he is doing a good job and then segue way into the fact that you throw parties like this all the time and he should come to one of your parties sometime. If that goes over well get his contact information to solidify the fact that you are going to invite him next weekend to your party. Even if you’re never going to have a party, now he can’t help but feel bad if he didn’t want to let you in before. Now he most certainly will – it’s not always right away, you might need to stick it out and keep pulling him back into a conversation, but if once you’re at this point it’s just a matter of time before he lets you through.
If that doesn’t work you need to amp up the plowing. To get your way you must focus on talking to the guy until he cracks. Just talk to him about anything. Connect with him and figure out his deal so you can offer him some sort of value. If he starts apologizing that he can’t let you in, then you are on the right track. Just tell him it’s okay, you know he is just doing his job and then immediately change the subject and keep talking. This may happen periodically, but don’t give up. He is going to be busy trying to guard the door, but you continually talk to him; think in terms of forcing rapport.
You must continue to blindly talk to him even if he isn’t responding much because he will be trying to deal with people who are coming in. It can help to believe that he really wants to be your friend and that he likes you, but he’s just a little caught up in the moment and you’re being understanding of that. In fact, imagine that even though he is a little overwhelmed at the moment, he is glad that you are there and sees you as an ally.
Continue talking to him in an extremely nice but persistent way. For instance, if he is telling you have to go but he isn’t angry you can just say OK and agree with him, then continue to force your rapport on him. If he is getting angry, you did something wrong. Remember, no reactiveness and no resistance. It’s all good.
If you keep forcing rapport with him while he is dealing with other people trying to come in, he will crack and eventually get fed up with trying to do too much at once and let you in or you will actually connect on something and he will then let you in. Finally, if he is still not giving in he will give you some sort of information you can start using to get in. He will verbalize his reason for not letting you in and you can just provide whatever he wants. Remember: Do this in a positive, nice but firm way and you will always get in.
Time for aggressive niceness.
Now in the New York City they seem to have some weird rules about not pouring your own drinks at a table because it is low class, so I start hammering in on the guy I like to call the drink-pouring guy.
He is basically the guardian of the table. He thinks he is a party architect or something when really he is just partners with the promoter. They don’t like to be called promoters, they like to be called party designers. They are just promoters bringing in a lot of girls and the club pays for the girls to drink and the promoter gets a cut.
I used to think that being a promoter would be a good job, but after watching this guy being so frazzled and running back and forth to the front door I have since changed my mind. I think I would rather just bring girls with me than ‘design a party’ at a club and be the girl’s “drink-pouring-bitch” all night.
This drink-pouring guy thinks he’s king of the world because he has the table, the drinks, and the girls. I don’t think he really likes me or anyone. He’s off on his cloud of being an important drink-pouring douche bag and worrying about all his girls. Matter of fact, it seems like he’s deliberately trying to not pay attention to me, but I want my free drinks all night so I’m going to get him to realize that I am someone he should be sucking up as well.
I have a real hard time distilling what I do, but Edge tells me that basically the technique I use to turn any bouncer, rude guy, or club owner is: Basically I just acknowledge whatever they are doing and then basically just repeat what I want while spoutin absurd amounts of value at them. Spouting value is basically a way of communicating that you’re a “somebody” in the world that concerns them and you would be good to know – at the same time, it is not bragging. It is more like just matter-of-fact communication about what you do and your lifestyle, but mentioned as a tangent to the subject at hand.
Edge has pointed out to me that sometimes I will start spouting value by first commenting on what they’re doing, complimenting them on how they’re doing it, demonstrating that I have an understanding of what they have to put up with and then talking about a similar situation I have to deal with in my own situation (which implies the lifestyle and connections that I have that may be valuable to them.)
This leads me to Aggressive Niceness. (This works on all bouncers and douche bag types that think they are important.)
I accomplish this by just talking about how amazing whatever he is doing is. Now at first he thinks I am just a random douche supplicating to get stuff from him, but the trick is how you do it. Extremely Aggressively. Every time I finish a sentence he turns away to talk to a girl and I tapped him on the arm hard, so he returns his focus to me. Eventually after about three minutes of this aggressive back and forth, he lets something slip about him being into designing stuff about fashion. He thinks he will get me to further supplicate to him about how great he is. Now this is where I shit all over his life.
It’s very subtle, but extremely powerful. I maintain the frame that he is awesome, but I super beta him by telling him about how I am into fashion and that I have this great thing going and give him my card and ask for his. (He doesn’t have one, so I am laughing inside that he is full of shit and I am what he wants to become.)
Basically I give props to him aggressively to maintain his constant focus on me. This builds compliance until he gives me something useful. He verbalizes what he wants or what I should be to live up to his standards whereby I steal all the coolness I just gave him by providing information that I have already accomplished whatever he wants or that I am someone who knows how to get whatever he wants or that I far surpass the quality to whatever he was internally objecting to. (This is a tricky way of always getting what you want from an aggressive douche bag type.)
He invites us to the table. All in all, I think it’s a good deal. We’re getting free drinks and surrounded by girls all night. Now that we are in, it’s game over. Social proof is an extremely powerful tool. I am sitting there at a table surrounded by 15 to 20 hot girls and getting IOI’s from everyone in the club. The more girls you are with, the more you just seem to get what you want without much effort.
At this point, surrounded by women, I feel that I don’t even need any game which frees me up to game even more. It’s a funny little nuance of game, but it holds true. I talk to every girl at the table and establish that I am basically one of their group now. I have attraction handled just through pre-selection alone and every girl that I talk to wants to talk to me.
I direct my attention to the two hottest girls in the club. It seems like shooting fish in a barrel. It’s very crowded, but most of the girls seem to just pop up right outside of our large group of girls. I wish I could remember specifically what I said, but once I have a fair amount of attraction I basically just switch it up from qualification to comfort. It was more gaming without game. Everyone I talked to opens right up because they see me as the only guy at the one table filled with girls and these two women are no different.
Turns out they are both models for some high-end boutique in the city. They are actually really interesting to talk to (and people say New Yorker’s are unfriendly).
I move them back to my newly acquired entourage of girls and introduce them to everyone. This works amazingly, spiking my pre-selection and social proof through the roof. At this point, I am getting hammered with all the free drinks Mr. Drink-Pourer is giving me.
This is just a short example of how using aggressive niceness works. Just make sure to be aggressively nice and you will get your way. Remember nice.