This blog post is about being able to choose the woman who will be your best girlfriend. She is not going to be just any woman, but the woman you want.
If you don’t know whether a woman is a good woman to get into a relationship with, here is a chapter you will need to pay attention to. This will take you through the decision making process.
It’s not your fault that you are not sure what to do. If you’re like me, or like a lot of the other men I have worked with, women are constantly breaking hearts and the pain is often too much to consider trusting another woman.
As we get older, things just aren’t how they used to be. The dating game is different. It’s not the way you remember or expected it to be.
Maybe you were in a long-term relationship or a sexless marriage that wasn’t satisfying and want to get back in the dating game, but you don’t quite trust your judgment with picking a good girlfriend.
You will know the way guys who are the best with women pick and choose the woman they are going to call their girlfriend.
First, do this quick exercise. Write down 5 terms you need to have in a relationship. These are deal breakers that you wouldn’t be able to deal with (or without). This gives you clarity on what you want. Having clarity is going to make this a choice you feel comfortable with.
When you feel comfortable, you enter a great relationship.
Here are a few examples of preferences or “terms” you could have. The idea is to have standards and not just commit to any woman who will want to be your girlfriend. Commit to a woman who proves to you why she is worthy of it.
She has to not have kids.
She has to have kids.
She has to love kids.
She has to love being outdoors.
She doesn’t criticize and complain all the time. She adds to my life not the opposite.
She isn’t trying to change me.
She wants to have sex without me having to beg.
She makes me feel good about life and is pleasant to be around. She is not a drug addict or alcoholic.
She doesn’t smoke.
She doesn’t have the tendency to overeat.
When you have standards, you end up realizing how many women aren’t that great when you really think about it. Most women really aren’t as impressive as 99% of most men feel.
Here’s what happens. You think about a woman and treat her as if she is a goddess who can do no wrong. You think if only you were with her, your life would become perfect because she is so perfect.
Except, what if you just don’t know her habits that would cause you to NOT feel as obsessed? There’s an image of perfection you might have in your head that isn’t reality. Dating her isn’t as amazing as you think it’d be.
You might say, “You don’t understand. She’s different. This is the one and I can’t forget about her. She’s stuck in my head.”
The way you feel right now might be true (who knows), but it also might not be true. The chances of finding out if you were idealizing her or really do feel this strong of a connection with her are zero unless you recognize the fact that she is HUMAN.
You need to realize that if you treat her like any old woman, then you will be able to actually connect with her. A real connection is not based on an idealized version of what you want a woman to be. This is a fake connection that will end in an awful relationship.
Instead, step back and truly grasp the idea of your dream woman being a human being who has flaws. Before committing to a long-term relationship, you need to know how she actually is as a person to exist with on a daily basis.
Don’t change your life around because you think that’s the only way to get a girlfriend. You don’t have a good chance of cheat proofing your relationship unless you find a good woman who is compatible with your life.
If you try to pretend you don’t like or need certain things and your tastes, preferences and lifestyle all of a sudden change to fit what she wants, you are setting yourself up for a bad ending (cheating, pain and sexual frustration).
If you have to change who you are and give up what you like for her, that’s your first sign she isn’t the one for you.
What if she abuses alcohol, pills and has an abusive drunk nature? What if she’s reckless and crashes cars every time she drives?
What if she blackmails men she dates to not have sex if they don’t give in to what she wants?
What if she plays victim to outsiders and vilifies the man who dates her because she knows she can?
What if she doesn’t respect you?
What if she makes you feel like less of a man on purpose? What if she with holds sex on purpose just to play games?
I’m not saying that all women are like this, but you have to know what could happen when you risk choosing a woman blindly and ignore what she does on a daily basis. How she treats you matters more than what you think about her. You might say you don’t want freedom, but you are not realizing what freedom means.
Your relationship will be the best if you pick a woman who sexually desires you, makes you feel like a winner and inspires you. She’s in your corner and you don’t have to put on your fun face all the time with her. She’s with you. She’s on your team.
She has to show you what she brings to the table. If she brings nothing, you cannot hire an actress as a placeholder.
Remember, always ask yourself this question: if the goddess of the century treated you like the scum of the earth, what would the point of being in a relationship actually be? There wouldn’t be a point.
Date a woman who treats you right. Date a woman who keeps you feeling good about yourself and doesn’t take away from your sense of who you are.
No human being is perfect, and asking a woman to be your girlfriend doesn’t mean you and her are perfect, but you are as close to perfect for each other as you can be.
Don’t confuse this with being PERFECT as a way to describe a person’s character. No woman is as perfect as you imagine her to be.
Imagine if she showed up naked begging you to be with her tomorrow after you snapped your fingers.
You can dream all you want, but it doesn’t make anything happen. Choose a woman you know well and can realistically get. If you choose a Victoria’s Secret model you have to meet her first, for example. You can’t just decide to date a model.
You COULD become involved in the modeling industry, move to a city where it’s common (NYC, LA for example) and set up your LIFESTYLE so that it accommodates the type of woman you want.
If you fixate on one woman who is taken, married or even single, but clearly not interested, wasting your time on her will only make her less interested than she already is and distract you from women who get you.
Why waste time on a woman you can’t even hold a conversation with?
Terms are basically “what you need to have and won’t settle for less,” which is a concept that will make sure you end up with a woman who matches you best, thinks of your well-being and has lots of sexual attraction to you.
If a woman is already trying to dictate her terms, it means she thinks you are under her control. It’s more than just the fact that you will be giving up things you like for her, but it means you are setting a precedent in the relationship that has her in the position of power and you in the position with the least amount of control.
There is a difference between you quitting bad habits like smoking or drinking to be in a more stable life condition and you quitting something you enjoy like your Sunday morning ritual because she doesn’t like getting the paper delivered to the front door and wants you to stop wasting money on it.
The biggest thing I learned was that I have to truly be in tune with what I want, to ever be in a really good relationship. This required accessing my genuine feelings for the woman without any bias.
You need to be absolutely clear on what you feel when you’re around her, whether you enjoy her company and feel happy as well as comfortable when you’re with her. If you feel uncomfortable and bored, why would you waste time with this kind of woman?
I know I am repeating this same concept, but it is such an important one I would rather say it too many times rather than too little.
This means you are simply not a good match. Don’t try to force a match that isn’t naturally compatible to become compatible because it’s impossible. You will be wasting your time on a dead end.
That’s what you’re really feeling. Love isn’t some tossed out phrase, it has to be the summary of every aspect of your relationship with her.
Does she support you and everything you strive for in life? This is the most important thing above everything else. I read a funny article recently that really summarized this simple, but incredibly profound concept.
There is a crazy, burly musician named Andrew W.K. Even though I’m not that familiar with his music, the man is brimming with mojo. He had been jokingly doing a “Dear Abby” type column.
A woman had written in telling him how much she loved him, but she wanted him to give up his rock star pipe dreams and leave it behind with his youth. She loved him more than anything, but she needed him to compromise and “grow up”.
His answer was hilariously blunt, perhaps a bit harsh, but the truth behind it was unquestionable. He told her (not so subtly) that she didn’t actually love him. He said she might think she does, but if she isn’t fully supporting his dreams and passions then she didn’t love him at all. She liked him a lot and she had genuine feelings for him, but her failure to see how important that dream was exposed a huge gap between them.
It isn’t about whether the guy had potential as a rock star. It was the fact that this was so important to him and she failed to realize it. He told her to F off and let him be himself.
Again, he was pretty harsh (though funny) about it, but he made a great point. It is absolutely mandatory that a woman supports your mission in life.
If she truly loves you then she has to love the things most important to you. When she is in your corner cheering you on then you have someone that is worthy of your love.
This makes the title of being your girlfriend something she treasures and works for. This gives meaning to your commitment and avoids all those pitfalls in a relationship like her feeling doubt 242
or pressure with her friends or family. The title is important to her and you want it to encompass everything you have with her.
This prevents things like interest in you fading and leading to her cheating on you. She needs to be 100% sure about you and her loyalty to you will be unwavering.
Remember, you aren’t telling her you love her to reignite the passion or fix the holes in your relationship. Those quick fixes are manipulative and will backfire every time.
You are both choosing to be with each other every day. You want that to be the only option she wants. It has to be the final step you take.
If you half-ass it she will have the option in her mind that she could still walk away from your relationship. Things need to be so strong and definite that she has no other thought in her head, but to be with you and only you from then on.
And if it isn’t meant to be you haven’t lost anything. In fact, it’s better you know you’re not a good match rather than waste time trying to shove a proverbial square peg into a round hole.
You want to have options in your head. There are other women out there that could want you just as bad. If love isn’t what she’s feeling then she is giving you the ability to go find it for real. One woman can never break you or make you unattractive. Never give someone power if they don’t choose you. Move on and thank her for not wasting your time (in your mind).
Hope For The Best
You should never expect the worst because you’re likely to get it with that mindset, but you need to be aware that sometime things just don’t work out. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong or you aren’t good enough. It means that the chemistry worked, but didn’t have lasting power.
Creating that giant expectation in your relationship is drifting again into the agenda mindset. You can’t set the bar so high that you’ll never be able to reach it.
Love is a process between two people. You are mutually working together to get deeper into a relationship. You might find things you don’t like that much about her.
The most important factors in your compatibility take time to emerge. The factors that come up over time represent the things that will be most important over time.
People can start to realize in the long term that some things just won’t work out. If you force yourself into “love” with someone you can often find these glaring differences and grow apart. It erodes the relationship over time and you slowly and painfully dissolve.
Everything in life ends, including life itself. The point is to fully enjoy it while you have it. You don’t know where it’s going to take you so you have to put every ounce of your enjoyment into it, or you’ll be wasting your time and will come out angry and resentful.
Appreciate the moment, love it and let it fulfill you without worrying about when and if it could end.
She has to be aware that you could walk away, too. She needs to make that effort and reach for you. Don’t form some agenda where you create the “threat” of it ending. Just make sure she realizes that she has to be making the effort and emotional investment to make you stay as well.
You can never threaten her with leaving or give her ultimatums. This is manipulative and cruel and will poison the potential for you to have something fulfilling and genuine.
When you set strict rules or give her the thought that she can’t be free she will naturally rebel. We have all done this since birth. It is a natural part of development. You can’t put someone in a cage because their only instinct will be to break out of it.
She will start testing her boundaries. It can lead her to start playing mind games to see how much power she has over you. She doesn’t have to work for you anymore, and that sense of effortless commitment can lead her to look to other men. She still wants that mystery to some extent.
When things become rigid and boring she will do anything to get the old feeling back, even if it means getting it from someone else.
She could cheat or start “escaping” to spend more and more time with her friends. Like I said, she starts to play games and test you at all times because you aren’t bringing her that same spark and openness between you. You’ve caged her and she will get bored in that cage. In fact, she will simply refuse to stay in it and will do anything to escape.
On the same note, you should never be playing mind games with her, either. You need to be honest and open with your feelings. Make it easy for her to know what you want and leave it up to her to choose you and work for you.
Lying to her or altering your true self to cause her to commit will cause your relationship to break apart because you are basing your future on flimsy concepts that aren’t a result of your mojo. You will be building something off of a compromised foundation and it will be sure to fall apart in time.
That’s a big reason why you can never stop “using” your mojo with her. Mojo isn’t about getting a woman. It’s about beginning a journey and keeping mojo by your side for the entire way. Never get too comfortable or lazy because the relationship will suffer and become weak and vulnerable to dysfunction.
You Are Teammates
Blair and I were pretty much a team. It was ridiculous how close we were and both of us knew something had to happen.
She was not my girlfriend. I actually watched her get into a relationship with this absolutely vicious guy who took her good heart and broke it.
One night, Blair called me and she seemed like she was in a strange mood.
“Eric, what the fuck is wrong with me? I think I’ve had a mental breakdown. I’m not even 30 yet, but it’s like a mid-life crisis is taking me over and I can’t breathe the way I want to breathe.”
First, I had never heard Blair like that. Normally, she’s a very bubbly woman and has nothing but good energy to give. This was a time I could tell she needed me.
I was not going to leave her alone like that. Being on the same team means being there for her when she isn’t able to be strong.
This was a night that Blair later on recalls, “a defining night for me. I saw the way you were and how we were as a pair. It’s crazy to think about.”
Nothing happened that night. I was just there for her and she appreciated it.
The purpose of being in a team is to be able to take on the world with this woman. You are choosing a woman who is worthy in her own right and has a certain something about her that other women don’t have.
You are looking for a girlfriend, but you are also looking for a “partner in crime”. Whenever you see a movie about the mafia, you see this strong bond that exists between them.
If you are always working together and for each other, you will get stronger and will have each other’s backs. If you waver from that, you get shot in the head.
I say that lightly, but you get the point. Every relationship has its hurdles and problems, but it’s the way you solve them that either strengthens or sabotages your blooming love for each other.
When you do have arguments and differences you must always “fight fair”. No low blows, no impulsive statements that degrade your love for each other. If you see two people debating politics and one person suddenly punches the other out of frustration they’re destroying any ability for them to compromise or at least respect each other.
Anger should never enter a fight. NEVER. There is a huge difference between frustration and anger. The reason you are fighting is because you’re frustrated about something. You never want to lash out and compromise the respect you should always have for each other.
You will often read that anger is healthy and should be expressed. That is a myth. Anger is a negative concept that breaks down your communication and understanding of each other. It spreads like a small campfire into a wildfire that destroys the entire forest.
The difference between having a conflict and being angry is that anger breeds doubt and fear. It destroys mojo and is impossible to go back on. The respect is sucked out of your bond and things will quickly fall apart.
Being able to harness your anger and turn it into something productive is an important aspect of your character that will have an impact on every part of your life. It will have an impact on your relationship with the entire world. It isn’t just confined to a relationship.
Having the ability to remove anger and let your mojo take control is absolutely mandatory.
You will find that this positively affects your relationship and changes your entire perspective on what it means to be in love with someone. You will strengthen that love and let it grow into an incredible, passionate union.
Everything you’ve learned has its irreplaceable part in getting to this point. You’ve learned that slacking on any one of these things will be like leaving a screw out of a piece of furniture. It might not topple instantly, but over time that missing piece will nag at the complete picture and eventually destroy it. Think about a mold spot on a ceiling
It’s starts out small and can be fixed with almost no effort., but if you let that little spot fester and grow it will spread out of control and suddenly the roof is caving in and you’re spending ten times as much to fix it, if it can even be fixed.
Remove the anger from your differences. Don’t deny yourself the frustration that can come from inevitable conflicts and differences you’ll have with her.
The point is to never get angry and let your negative feelings take control and destroy your constant journey towards happiness and comfort.
When you overcome those challenges you get stronger and learn more. The relationship becomes something you’ve never experienced before, and it fulfills you and completes you in ways you’ve never even thought were possible.
You Are A New Man
Congratulations. You’ve gone through so many changes and have learned things that will finally give you the results you want with women.
You don’t need to try to become someone else to fit a mold of perfection because now you know perfection doesn’t exist. In fact perfection is the opposite of a turn on since it’s arrogant…
Recall that true confidence is being comfortable with your strengths and weaknesses. It’s about being able to admit when you need help, when you don’t know all the answers and when you are vulnerable.
Now that you have gone through this book, you know everything you need to get a woman dying to be your girlfriend. You will start seeing the effects of your knowledge instantly.
One of the greatest things about the material covered in this book is that it’s going to make you have a better life. You will be out there looking to fulfill your mission as a man without apology. Your mission will become your focus.
Winning with women will happen automatically when you direct your masculine focus into chasing your mission in the world.
This means you will naturally enjoy life more and finally feel like you’re making things happen instead of being at the mercy of the world.
You will see that things start “going your way” more. Your “good luck” will start being more frequent and reliable. That’s because you’re eliminating “luck”. You’ve developed skills and habits that create an environment in which things will turn out in your favor more often than not.
And when they don’t, you won’t crawl home with your tail tucked between your legs. You now understand that there are things you can control and things you can’t.
You can do nothing more than be your best at all times and you will be able to access parts of your life that were a mystery before. You will grow and become more skilled no matter what the outcome.
It’s up to you and only you to make the right choices on how you deal with and react to things. That’s the beauty of it: it’s a CHOICE.