Pick Up Lines Suck! How to Open

By almost universal social convention the man must be the one to make an opening verbal gambit, so your first goal is to get into the habit of speaking up when you’re around cute women… no matter what! Smile and talk about the goddamn weather if you can’t think of anything else at first. It’s the look in your eye that tells her everything she needs to know about you anyway! It’s okay that you are nervous… a woman actually needs to see this reaction in order to get a signal from you that a play is on. Your nervousness can be a powerful pre- mating flag, so stop being ashamed to use it.

I don’t like to use pre-rehearsed pick-up lines because they are too hard to pull off in the heat of battle without completely fucking them up. Even worse, use of a canned pick-up line makes you look like an inexperienced fool rather than the powerful man that you should seem like when first stepping up to a woman. Imagine trying to push one of these doozies past your quivering vocal cords:

“Do you believe in irrational and self-defeating infatuation at first sight?”

“My name’s Mike… and by what name might you be called?… you shining example of genetic perfection!”

“I just wanted you to know that 99% of the women who walk in that door would kill their own mothers to look half as good as you do.” (Huh?)

Good God, are you kidding me? If you can articulate any one of these jawbreakers without sounding like you’re gargling marbles then move straight to the head of the class… acting class, that is!

The fact is there’s no need to make things this difficult on yourself when trying to meet women. They are far more impressed by what seems a spontaneous encounter than with your ability to remember an obviously prepared line of ridiculous nonsense. Remember what we just read about the need to remain clear rather than trying to make her decipher some barrage of way-too- clever bullshit? Suffice to say that you should always keep your opening words easy to remember and easy to articulate! If you don’t believe me then try actually vocalizing some of these things out loud rather than just reading them in your head. Go ahead and study one of the “pick-up lines” from above and then recite it back out loud from memory. Now imagine a hot chick standing in front of you… totally bewildered. Having fun yet? Now go wipe the flop sweat off your face before you drip all over your nice new keyboard.

Another thing about hitting her straight out of left field with a super clever line is that it sets the bar incredibly high for you. How do you follow this stuff? What’s the rest of your great speech going to sound like? You can’t just drop back down to “hey, howz it goin’?…” after delivering a gem like that without sounding double-dumb, can you?

Women actually despise pick-up lines because they figure you probably work them on every piece of gash who walks by – which implies that none of these women are anything special to you, just another target with tits who happened to drift through your cross hairs. It also paints you as the kind of schmuck who views women as stupid and thus easily manipulated with hot-button phrases – a guy who feels that unless he can somehow trick a girl he doesn’t have a shot. Any type of transparent pretense like this sends a negative message about yourself, so don’t lead with this lame crap. There are better ways to operate.


Effective Opening Comments

Rather than using clever phrases designed to hypnotize, I’ve found the most effective way to deliver an opening comment is in a playfully casual way that makes it sound as if a spontaneous thought just popped into your head. Make her laugh using any sort of humorous remark and watch for possible signs of interest by seeing how much eye contact she sustains. Remember it’s all about eye contact! Try to be “light & bright” – light on your feet in the sense that you can adjust your approach based on the feedback you’re getting, and bright in the sense of being intelligent and clever. Humor is that all-important marker of intelligence don’t forget, and attraction is all about the search for these markers.

Opening lines are actually forgettable for the most part – that’s why there’s no sense putting too much effort into memorizing more than one or two favorites (something simple though, okay?). She won’t fully process whatever you’re saying anyway because of the startled surprise that usually accompanies a hit and makes her momentarily blank-out. It’s what happens after those first few opening sentences that’s really important… lots of smiles and lingering eye contact is what you’re looking to exchange with her, that “copulatory gaze” we talked about earlier.


Here’s a few general guidelines to keep in mind when making opening comments to women. They should be:

  • Unrehearsed. Something that just popped into your head at that moment is always the best I feel because it’s spontaneous. Appearing a little nervous is okay too, preferred actually, since it seems like you’re attempting to do something that you wouldn’t ordinarily have the stones to try. This makes her feel special. This is good.
  • Appropriate to your surrounding environment or the situation in which the two of you find yourselves. Try to make it seem like you just bumped into an old friend that you haven’t seen in quite some time, without being deliberately corny about it.
  • Sincere. Taking a challenging posture (neg hit) with a perfect stranger is risky. By hitting her with a put-down style remark supposedly done as a “joke” you’re just daring her to blow you off.
  • At this point she has absolutely no investment in your feelings, so there’s no motive for her to be nice to you. Unless she’s just dripping with a pissy attitude, I would avoid this as an opening tactic – though it might work better later on as a way to keep an edge on things.
  • Upbeat. If you mumble your words out like some nursing home gum- jockey, what’s she supposed to do… change your  diaper? No salesman would dare deliver a muttering, uncertain sales pitch because he’s basically telling you that his product sucks. Remember who the product is here… (you!) Keep your delivery bright!
  • Non-offensive sexually. This is a big one. Insecure guys like to make sexually bold opening comments to try and paint themselves as sexually experienced because they’re afraid their near-virgin status will show through otherwise. It speaks just the opposite about you though. Dudes who are really getting laid never feel like they have to broadcast it to women. They just carry it around as a silent vibe in the gleam of their eyes. If you insist on being so foolish, you may as well just stay home and watch Deep Space 9 re-runs until you disappear into a wormhole.


I believe that if you stay within these general rules you should at least be able to capture a woman’s interest for a minute or two and who knows where that can lead. Demonstrate some positive juice with steady eye contact and possibly even a quick touch as well, but always in a classy way on the arm or maybe with just a lingering handshake. Humor should remain with the bounds of an observation with an absurd twist about your surroundings or yourself, never anything put-downish about her. Like we just discussed. Also, try not to burst out into your full blown comedy club routine if she responds favorably, okay Shecky?

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