Neg – Noun: an ambiguous statement or seemingly accidental insult delivered to a beautiful woman a pickup artist has just met, with the intent of actively demonstrating to her (or her friends) a lack of interest in her. For example: “Those are nice nails; are they real?” 2. Verb: to actively demonstrate a lack of interest in a beautiful woman by making an ambiguous statement, insulting her in a way that appears accidental, or offering constructive criticism. Origin: Mystery
-taken from the glossary of terms in The Game by Neil Strauss
Negs are an important part of running game for some people, not used at all by some and others are indifferent. I think the reason there is a division is because of the narrow definition that we have been told and restricted ourselves to. We sometimes push the boundaries of those definitions, but when we start to go too far, people start to say we’re not negging anymore, just because it isn’t covered by this narrow definition anymore. The game is evolving though.
The community is going through a growth spurt and people are starting to notice trends, that there are people out there, calling themselves Pickup Artists, or PUAs for short and they’re starting to learn the common tools that these people employ, that WE employ. A very common example of this is a Neg, as by the current definition, it is easy to detect and easy to harass someone for using. We need to change this, so that we’re not being called out for using negs when we are carrying on a conversation with a target. To do this, you need to broaden your definition of a neg.
The definition of a neg stays the same, it is somewhat of a backhanded compliment, or a slight insult, followed by a positive comment, but you’re not using them for the express purpose of showing disinterest in a beautiful girl that you just met. Maybe you’ve also heard that you should neg a girl that’s a “9” or a “10” 3-4 times, an “8” 1-2 times and a “7” not at all. That’s really quite narrow too, sure it’s a guideline, but a guideline that says that negs are only required for a certain task and only used a couple times and then you never use them again.
You can also get away with using playful insults, without any kind of positive comment, but instead using positive body language and tone, this typically is overlooked by most people when they are looking at the definition of a neg, because they take it at face value. An example of this is something that I like to say to girls that try to tease me, “I can’t believe you just said that! You’re so rude!” The words are all negative, but by saying with a big grin on your face, a playful push and maybe even a wink, while over-acting and making it obvious that you are pretending to be offended, you will almost always make her behave better, gain attraction because you had the balls to tell her to behave and you did it in a way that was funny, plus you’ll almost always get a playful punch/push or some kino that you can build upon.
Anyone that has spent time in the field practicing negs and worked on calibrating them will be able to tell you that negs will make a girl that isn’t interested in you, suddenly become interested and then attracted. Negs are something that most women don’t encounter on a regular basis, so it’s different and catches them off guard. Women love to be surprised and challenged, so when you do something unexpected, like tease them about their hair that they are normally complimented on, it makes them surprised and now you’re a challenge to face, to make you like their hair.
Instead of using negs to simply show you aren’t interested or impressed by her and then ditching the topic, to talk about something else, in order to DHV, you can engage the target with the neg and get them to play back with you, almost like teasing your sister and getting into a name calling match, only you’re gonna use it to create sexual tension. By continually using slight negs, with a very playful vibe to the way you say them (by using smirks, big grins, winks, or a smile that slowly creeps up on your face) you don’t hit as hard as you do with a standard neg said with a straight face.
You keep this up and this becomes part of your personality and is thus accepted by your audience, so you don’t have to stop as you normally would when just trying to get a girl to stop being so high on herself. It achieves the same results though. You bring her opinion of herself down because you are using NLP by showing that she doesn’t impress you and demonstrating that you think higher of yourself, even if you are just joking. You show an active disinterest in her as well, which makes her more interested in you, but by being playful about your disinterest, you are showing that you are willing to give her a chance to prove herself to you, if she can just up her game and demonstrate that she has a sense of humor and whatever other qualities that you are negging her about.
People seem to have a fear that by continuing to use negs, their target will become insulted and lose interest. I argue that what we are doing with negs in challenging our target’s mind and that is something that is necessary for a good relationship to last and to ever grow to its full potential. I went out with a girl 3 years ago for a couple weeks before things got broken off for a variety of reasons. I’ve been interested in getting back with her ever since, but never had the skills to really interest her in doing so until recently. One of the main reasons that she is as attracted to me as she is, is because I neg her all the time. We play fight and she loves it. Remember what Mystery said, something along the lines of, “Things that were funny back in grade school still work.” Well, thinking back to grade 1-6, guys and girls that had crushes on each other did a lot of play fighting with each other, in the form of insults and wars of words, so it still works.
My uncle was a natural and he had one of the best marriages, if not THE best marriage I have ever seen in my life. The reason the guy did so well was partly because he had a nice physique, he was thin wiry, with a pretty face (not girly pretty, just….pretty). The biggest reason he managed to attract and interact with anyone though, was because he gave everyone a hard time. Half the time he didn’t even add a nice side to the comments he made and it just made everyone work even harder to make him like them and impress him. His wife is the same way. He would tell her that she was being stupid and that if she didn’t smarten up, he would punch her in the ovaries! She would turn around and tell him that if he didn’t shut up, she would throw him down the stairs. They loved each other more than you could possibly imagine or put to words though and it was always done in jest, generally while laughing at the same time. If you manage to get someone to play along with you at the same level, then you can say just about anything you want.
Now that I’ve explained how negs can be used more broadly than just at the start of an encounter and that they can be used for much more than just showing disinterest and lowering a target’s value, we’ll address the basics of negging and also how this can apply.
When do you neg? Traditional methods would say that you should only neg when a girl is acting as if she has higher value than you, or to show that you aren’t as interested as you are, so that she doesn’t treat you like any other guy that hits on her. Those are both good times to neg and I use them all the time myself. You can also neg whenever a girl presents you with an opportunity to make an “in joke”, or does something that you can point out in a way that makes it sound like you think she’s being silly and cute, or a stereotypical girl, so that she will try to impress you more, but it will also encourage her to act in a silly way, because although your words are telling her that she isn’t impressing you, you make your tone and facial expression a positive one, so that consciously she listens to your words, but subconsciously, she will take your tone and body language as being the correct message. You want to encourage this “silly” and fun attitude, because by doing that, she associates fun with you and will want to be around you more, because when she’s around you she has fun, it’s like getting her hooked on a drug and she’s always going to want a fix. That girl I mentioned going out with 3 years ago, enjoys all the teasing I give her so much, that she comes to me asking for fun and entertainment, because she says she doesn’t get it anywhere else in her life, because no one else will challenge her and give her a hard time, like I do. If you’re sending your negs with a fun and positive tone and encouraging facial expressions, with smiles and winks, then you can use a neg whenever you see an opening.
How often should you neg? Generally not more than 3 in 5 minutes, except at the very start when you’re trying to demonstrate that teasing is part of your personality. You don’t have to always neg and you can go for a long time without negging if you are using a more serious frame, trying to engage your target on a deep intellectual, or emotional level, but if you are trying to increase attraction through demonstrating fun, I like to neg at least once every 5 minutes, until I get into comfort building, then I’ll only use them once in a while, when I feel that she’s comfortable enough to build more attraction.
Who should you neg? Anyone that has enough confidence in themselves to take a joke, because that’s the best way to deliver a neg, as a joke. I use negs to AMOG in a way that makes guys think that I like to joke around and I don’t mean anything by my jokes, even though at the same time, I’m slowly lowering their value with the people around them and increasing mine. I find that this approach works better than using heavy hitting negs, that people take notice of, because you can remain the guy that everyone likes, while stealing girls out from under their bfs, or their friends that are trying to keep guys away from them. I use negs on targets and obstacles, to demonstrate that I treat them the same way as I treat their male friends and that we’re just being friendly, which causes them to be more attracted because I’m not actively pursuing them. I use negs first on the target, so that the obstacles become more friendly and then I’ll neg the obstacle to show that nobody gets special treatment, I treat everyone as equals and we all joke around, whether I just met them, or its my best friend that I have winging for me. The only people I don’t neg, are the ones that are too shy, or self conscious, to be able to take being teased, without withdrawing further. What you do with these people, is first be friendly and encourage them to be more open with you, then when they’re starting to open up, you can lightly neg them about something in order to get them to fight back and stop being so shy. Now that they’re opened up and actively play fighting with you, you encourage it by showing her that its all just a game and you’re just teasing and maybe even let her get a couple jabs in first before retaliating. Again, by showing her that it’s ok to play with you and open up, you become different than everyone else that treats her like she’s fragile because she’s normally shy.
Now that you’re engaging people in this way and making them play along with you, you’ll be getting negged back frequently. When guys start to get negged back, they usually try to fight back harder and be more aggressive in order to maintain their Frame, but this usually just ends up making you look like an aggressive jerk and unappealing. Instead of trying to be harsh and overpowering with your negs, try to calibrate them so that you are negging back with the same level of neg, or only slightly more intense. By playing along at the same level, no one ends up feeling like the other person is being an asshole, because everyone is treating everyone else the same (unless you’re both being really mean with your negs, in which case you need to re- calibrate to keep it from getting to the point).
There is a difference between offending someone and negging them, this is what will determine whether your neg is considered a joke, or a slight criticism, or insulting them. When you neg someone, the goal is to gain value in their eyes, while slightly lowering their own value. To lower someone’s value without offending them, you can’t just criticize something about them, like asking if their hair is real or not, you need to follow it up with a slight compliment to take away the sting. So the classic example is, “Nice nails, are they real?” You are taking away some of your target’s self esteem by asking if her nails are real, because the only other alternative is that they would be fake and so you are saying her nails don’t look as good as real nails, but you take that sting away at a conscious level, by telling her that they look nice. Typically you can have the negative portion of a neg come before, or after the positive portion, but there are exceptions depending on what you are saying. It is a bad idea to close with a criticism if it outweighs the compliment and so you put it at the front and then take away with sting with a compliment after. Other times it is a bad idea to put the compliment at the end, because it sounds as if you are trying to back peddle and apologize for whatever comment you made because you decided it sounded too rude. This is something that needs to be determined on a case by case basis and can only truly be learned over time and with repeated use of negging, but when saying a neg, make sure that when you are finished saying it, the target of the neg doesn’t feel like you said something negative, or positive to them, it should come across neutral in value.
Sometimes when you are running game, you will feel the uncomfortable atmosphere that comes from over-negging. When you over-neg, there are ways to fix your mistake, but what you don’t want to do, is be too apologetic about anything you may have said, because you lose any sort of Alpha male status that you may have gained, because now you look like you care too much about what others think about you. If you over-neg, one way out of it is to sincerely apologize for being rude, but you do this once and only once. Once you have apologized, you need to pay more attention to the effect of what you are saying and try not to offend your set/target again, because you probably won’t be forgiven a second time, but don’t continue to apologize, consider the issue over and move on. Another option is to try to laugh it off as you sometimes over stepping your bounds, because you are always joking around and people don’t quite understand your sense of humor. This is sometimes a hard sell, but if you tell them to just take everything you say with a grain of salt, because most of what you say is at least half joking, it works pretty well. You can also play the part of the asshole and capitalize on the image by telling her that you’re just an asshole and you don’t really think too much before you say things, or something along those lines (my roommates use this one a lot and it works well for them because they come off as being oblivious to social standards and people will let anything they do wrong slide). The downside to the last one is that you lose credibility as someone that is very intelligent or polite and that can hurt you in other areas. It’s also important to remember that even though you are claiming to be an asshole, you don’t want to be completely serious about it; it should be said in such a way that she is unsure whether you are serious, or joking, or a mix.
The question of whether you need to neg comes up often and my reply to that is “no”, you don’t NEED to neg, but it will definitely change the way you are treated and the overall atmosphere of a conversation and the relationship. It seems like girls always fell the hardest for boys back in grade school, and somewhere along the line the strength of attraction dropped – having a crush wasn’t as big a deal to her anymore. Is that because they’re getting used to being attracted or because guys have become too scared to use negs as much they did without realizing it in grade school?
I don’t use purposely use canned negs, but in certain situations an opportunity for a good neg that I’ve used before will present itself, so I do tend to have recurring themes. Here’s a couple for you to take a look at. Think about what emotions you are trying to evoke from the target of your neg and then think about how the neg comes off and adjust how much you emote certain emotions and what actions you do, in order to get the best results out of them.
For instance, think of the neg I mentioned earlier about telling a girl she is being rude. If said in a deadpan way, she will take it seriously and lose all interest, because by telling her she’s rude so bluntly, you are being rude yourself. Said with lots of smiles and an exaggerated tone, she will realize you are playing with her and become attracted. Keep that in mind while reading these.
“God, you’re so rude! I can’t believe you said that to me!”
Me: “Oh I see. You’re just boring. Gotcha.”
HB: “I am not!”
Me: “Alright, what tricks do you do?”/”Tell me something interesting or entertaining about yourself then.”
“Texting in bar? Are you THAT bored? Not enough interesting happening around you?”
Me: “Hey, where’d my drink go? You stole it didn’t you! God I hate thieves.”
HB: “No! I didn’t take it!”
Me: “Sure, sure, that’s just what a thief would say.”
HB: “Maybe it was one of my friends…”
Me: “Well you know that they say the people you keep as friends reflect who you are, so I bet you’re a klepto too. You should probably buy me a drink to make up for it, or at least share yours with me.”
HB: “Hey, can I try your hat on?”
Me: “Well…alright, just for a second though.” *put hat on HB’s head* Me: “Hmm…nah, looks way better on me.”
this is so dumb