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An Introduction to First Texts
First texts require no explanation, but that doesn’t make them any easier to write. The first impression you make is important. You want to hit the tone just right so that you come across as friendly but still sexy, interested but not needy, direct but not dismissive. There is a specific system to building desire.
Get the tone wrong and decrease your odds of a response. Don’t get a response to your first text and then you straight away have to consider whether you should call the girl, risk sending two texts in a row, or angrily deleting the girl’s number (not that I’d usually advise you to do this, or get angry full stop).
You know that old rule about leaving it two days before you respond to a girl? Forget it. Now. That rule was created when people only had a landline, and unhappy singletons spent their evenings clicking through their voicemail. Now that we are never more than a foot from our BB, or iEverythings it just doesn’t make sense any longer to wait ages before sending her that first message.
If you meet a girl during the daytime then drop her a text a couple of hours after you’ve met. If you meet her at night, try the next afternoon.
In short strike whilst the iron is hot! That way she’ll remember how great the interaction was, you’ll have a genuine connection and she’ll remember the reasons why she gave you her number in the first place.
Rules of text thumb
Look, as I’ve mentioned to you before there aren’t so much in the way of ‘hard and fast rules’ as there are ‘generally sensible guidelines’. Each text, interaction and relationship is unique and should be treated as such. That said when you’re putting a first text together…
- Don’t dive straight into asking for the date, unless you already discussed this when you met (& she seemed seriously keen). Your first mission is always just to get a response!
- Write a decent length of text. Very short texts make it hard for her to respond to you.
- Try to include some details from the original interaction: this will help her to remember why you clicked.
- Be specific. Asking vague ‘what have you been up to?’ style questions are, again, very tricky for her to respond to. Instead make a specific assumption about what she’s doing/ how she’s feeling.
- Don’t make it all about one specific question: if she doesn’t respond to a texts that ends with a very direct question
then it comes across like she’s ignored you. Even if this is the case, you don’t want it to appear as such.
What to say, what to say.
The first text (like so many first’s) is always the worst: the trickiest to write. However, there are five styles of first text that you can play around with and adapt to give you the best chance of her saying hello back.
1. It was ‘random’ how you met, wasn’t it?
So you thought about how to approach the girl you were interested in for about five minutes, moved into the right position, began to walk forward three times (psyched yourself out twice) then eventually said ‘Hi’ using a line you’d heard.
Unsurprisingly going out‘on the pull’and approaching lots of women; is not the ‘romantic dream’ a girl will want to believe is the reason you approached her. So making a comment about the serendipitous nature of how you met is usually a good idea. Though a text like the one below will work uncannily well when sent out on mass to multiple women (not that I’d advocate such a thing . . .):
“Random meeting you like that . . . or have you always ignored your parents’ warnings about talking to strangers? 😉 AIDEN x”
2. It’s all about her
People tend to have a relatively sick fascination with their own lives: so focusing your first text around her makes good sense. Tease her about her life, or ask her a question that is pertinent to what you knew she was going to spend the rest of the day, or night, doing.
Think you don’t know anything about her? Well I’m sure you probably know her name and where she’s from (if you don’t use a generic text like the one above). A little imagination involving national stereotypes can leave you with a text that is teasing and relevant:
“Hey NEW YORK LISA, so how has your first month in London been? Hope you haven’t had to ‘cut a bitch’ (or whatever you get up to in BROOKLYN) yet 😉 RICH x”
3. Remind her
A great way to bring back that ‘high point’ of when you got her number is to remind her of what you talked about at the time you met.
The good news is this doesn’t have to be a witty comment. You can literally list the conversational ‘hooks’ in a fun format like the one below:
“You + crazy DANCE MOVES + too much TEQUILA = a really bad headache today. You better be in pain too over there . . . RALPH x”
Just make sure at the end you use that magic word ‘you’ to turn the comment back towards the girl you’re texting (‘You better be in pain too over there . . . ‘) so she knows that she has something to respond to and comment on.
4. A well timed assumption
Instead of asking a girl ‘What are you up to?’, it’s usually tons more effective to imagine what she’s doing. That’s right, take a guess. This works so much better than a direct question, because whilst a direct question may make her feel put on the spot (and seriously ding your value if she doesn’t respond) an assumption will prompt her to correct you, or explain what she’s doing: because you’re making a comment about her life . . . . which is the one thing people tend to reliably be interested in, and feel the need to respond to.
“Happy MONDAY . . . meeting you on SATURDAY night was cool. Are you bored at your desk now or having way more fun than me? PETE x”
You may also want to think about the timing of your text.
If you meet on Saturday night then when she’s bored at her desk on a Monday morning can be a great time to send the message that brings back all of those positive memories of when you met. (However, if she’s the kind of girl that likes to be chained to her desk—in a purely workaholic sense—then Sunday would be better timing to engage her.)
5. Be gentle with her
Teasing is awesome: and absolutely fundamental in making sure that you don’t wind up friend zoned. That said, tease too hard on a number that isn’t that hot and she’ll could think ‘what an idiot’ and ignore you. So use texts like:
“So have you googled me yet? ;)”
Sparingly on numbers that are very solid: or if you happen to have
got a LOT of numbers and want to work out which girls are seriously keen on you. A great time to use a tease would be if the girl has come onto you strongly/ contacted you. Here you can pretend that she’s the one who is pursuing you:
I went to bed at 5am last night . . . I remember meeting a crazy girl at about midnight. Please explain (no rude words) what happened in between . . . CHRIS x
If not incorporate teasing after you’ve already got a good response.
Video: Simple Texting Tips
Looking to take your text game to the next level?
In it you can find the exact text messages, and the system he developed, over nine years of sending thousands of texts to hundreds of girls. No matter what you’re struggling with right now, he’s probably got the answer to it.